Can I use the word “coincide” in connection with material things?

[tuboludo]

Would it be wrong of me to use the word “coincide” the way I am using it in this sentence?

“So from the street, when looking down the small alley, you can only see a thin oblong hole with massive iron bars which coincides with the street level.”

[RobbyA]

It's not wrong per se, but in this context I'm not sure it's the clearest way of saying what you mean.

[tuboludo]

So would this be better?

"So from the street, when looking down the small alley, you can only see a thin oblong hole with massive iron bars down in the corner."

[tuboludo]

or:

"So from the street, when looking down the small alley, you can only see a thin oblong hole with massive iron bars down in the corner down by the ground."

[RobbyA]

I think maybe version 2 is the best, but it's hard to say without some more context I'm afraid. If you want to give the sentence which comes before that one, I'll have more of a think!

[108 fountains]

How about

"So when looking down the small alley at street level, you can only see a thin, oblong hole with massive iron bars."

Or maybe better,

"A thin, oblong hole with massive iron bars is the only thing that can be seen down the small alley at street level."

"Coincide" usually is used to refer to two things that happen at the same time, so it's better to use that word when there is some kind of action.

[tuboludo]

Thank you so much guys. I will be going with this one:


"So when looking down the small alley at street level, you can only see a thin, oblong hole with massive iron bars."

[tuboludo]

Here is another one that I am fighting with (this time with some more context)

Question is if the reader will understand my meaning with: (?)

“there was connected an electrical wire from underneath the backgammon game board directly to the brain”

He was sleeping like a baby, but as the dynamic of the game increased, these TACK noises when the old men were smashing their checkers on the wooden board, were slowly transforming into small painful blows with a hammer inside the brain of Dr. Shaft. The well stretched and well relaxed body suddenly began to twitch at the same rate as the rapid TACK, TACK sounds.
At first it was just tiny calm accidental twitches but eventually it became a whole vibrant synchrony as if there was connected an electrical wire from underneath the backgammon game board directly to the brain of Dr. Shaft with increasing electrical impulses. TACK, TACK, TACK, and finally the countless TACK, TACK, TACK’s had teased the wolf DNA in his reptile brain so much that he woke up.

[108 fountains]

This one's easy. Take out the "there was."
"...as if an electrical wire from underneath the backgammon game board connected directly to the brain of Dr. Shaft..."

It's a good idea to always go through your stuff and take out any "There is," "there was," "there were," etc.

[tuboludo]

Thanks 108 - Nice little rule to go buy - I will try my best to use it ;)