Bathroom

[Lykren]

A watery screw
appears in the sink,
a tide fond of dwindling.
Submerged, my hands
seem distant, warm
and forgotten.

There are no chances
but last chances. Blue
veins ribbon across
these thawing arms.
I study them.

Grotesque as if they
were labelled and dried,
they have no curiosity.
No otherworldly concerns
to accept burdens from,
never taken to market,
they are not well-traveled.

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi Lykren. I enjoyed this. Two parts of your poem tell to much. The part about last chances and the end about not being well travelled. I think you could do without either of these, but that's just my thoughts. I read enjoy a study of a moment in time like this and the hidden meanings within. Good job!

[blank|verse]

The poem's subject is one you should know like the back of your hand...

Overall, I found this one a bit too much like navel-gazing, although I disagree that the lines

There are no chances
but last chances.

are weak - personally I think they're the strongest in the poem, and was waiting for the poem to take off at this point and transport me someone else. That it doesn't, but simply returns to the hands in the basin, rather sinks the poem (ho, ho).

Personally, I think the line: 'I study them' isn't so strong. It's clear the narrator is studying them from the description just given, and it's a clunky line in itself. And in this sentence, the two appearances of 'they' suggests that one could be cut:

Grotesque as if [they
were] labelled and dried,
they have no curiosity.

Worthwhile reading as ever, though.

[Jerrybaldy]

It may just be me but I can't make sense of the line "no chances but last chances". Pretty sure I've had some second chances. Unless it's the fatalistic thoughts of the N . Which it probably is:) I do like to argue with myself :)

[Lykren]

Hey thanks for commenting you two. My idea behind the line "no chances but last chances" was that since no situation reoccurs exactly the same way a second time, every opportunity is unique.

You're right about the double appearance of 'they' in that sentence, blank|verse. Rather an oversight on my part!