western decadence, expunged

[DieterM]

ashes on the ground
still smouldering
thin strands of smoke
rising like remorse
when there had been none

they had acted
as if lighting a barbecue
on Saturday evening
kindled the fire
as if making sure
it would be right
for hot dogs
cheese burgers
and marsh mellows

but it had only been
Tom

they had dragged him
from his granny’s house
faces shining with grim passion
in the blaze

sad to say
but in the process
no phenix had risen

what’s left behind:
smouldering ashes
and the satisfying knowledge
that things are whole again
that sane people can be sure again
of what is what

and in his granny’s house
a wig
false eyelashes
a fake beard

[blank|verse]

From the heavy title, we know this isn't going to be a light read, Dieter. And the poem does tackle a seemingly very dark issue, complete with Pagan-style witch-burning imagery. The strongest idea of the poem is the personification of 'western decadence' which leaves the reader wondering to what extent this is personification or persecution of a real human being. Or both.

However, as it stands, I do feel the poem is slightly over-written. If you'll excuse me, I wonder if a trimmed-down version might be more effective, removing some of the moments where you 'tell' more directly...


western decadence, expunged

ashes on the ground
still smouldering
thin strands of smoke
rising like remorse

as though lighting a barbecue
on Saturday evening
they had kindled the fire
as if to make sure
it would be right for hot
dogs, cheese burgers, marsh mellows.

They had dragged him
from his granny’s house
faces shining with grim
passion in the blaze

what’s left behind:
smouldering ashes
the sane people can be sure
that things are whole again
and in his granny’s house
wig, false eyelashes, fake beard

[Dark Muse]

The title of this really caught my eye and I quite enjoyed the poem. Quite disturbing and unsettling indeed. I wonder, is this based on some actual event? Because reading it, well quite a few different possibilities popped into my mind. It sounded like it was describing some hate crime of some sort.

[DieterM]

Thanks, blank|verse and Dark Muse, for reading and commenting. Sorry, but I think my answer will be a tad longish, so take a seat, get yourself a cuppa coffee or a glass of wine, and bear with me – thanks :-)

Yes, this poem was inspired by some recent events, but it is not describing any real crime. No factual crime, anyway. It's about a crime that has been committed over and over again, in violent online comments and public reactions.

I know, blank|verse, that I sometimes tend to overwrite my poems; call it enthusiasm, call it a non-native speaker's pleasure to "collect" words, call it a mere wannabe writer's and wannabe poet's easy mistake. Yet, in this particular case, I do not feel it's as overwritten as you state. There's one small part that can go, I agree, it's "the centre" in line 2. But the rest that you have taken out in your edit is important to me and important for the poem, indeed.

Now, what is it about? Those who know me will understand that Conchita Wurst, the Austrian bearded dragqueen, winning the Eurovision Song Contest is a very important event to me. Simply because
a) I love the ESC, have always watched it since my earliest childhood
b) I'm Austrian (no fervent nationalist, but hey, we've only won once, 50 years ago so I am proud this year)
c) like Conchita, I come from a small village in Styria (you have to live there to know how Catholic-conservative this environment is; I know; Conchita knows)
d) like Conchita, I am gay (btw, many papers, without bothering to check the facts, have called her "transsexual", even though she is not; have called her "cross dresser" or "transvestite", even though she is not, either – she's no mere Edna Average, whom I adore but whose persona didn't bear a message; only the word "drag queen" has the "queen", i.e. gay component that fits)
e) like Conchita, I cannot stand hatred and intolerance

This said, I was cheering this bearded false lady on throughout the semi-finale and the finale; living in France, I even had the chance to vote for her, and I was beside myself when she won. Without wanting to go into a lengthy analysis of what she has done, what she represents and why she is hated (no wishy-washy hatred as in "I hate spinach", but hatred that, if some people had the chance to get away with it, would go as far as committing a crime), I just have to say that this frail young person with the disturbing looks and the beautiful voice has shown remarkable guts. She stands for what the haters call the "Western decadence". With that, they mean democracy, liberty, tolerance. Values I cherish because without them, I wouldn't be allowed to live according to who, what and how I am. This space is dedicated to poetry, so I beg you to accept my apologies – I won't write a longish essay, here, hoping instead that you got the drift anyway :-)

So, you see, the lines you want me to take out are important. Let me just explain a few of them: "but it had only been Tom" – the guy behind the Conchita Wurst-persona is called Tom Neuwirth. they "drag" him to the stake – I think the word is fitting. and the "phenix"-part hints at the winning song "rise like a phenix".

[Dark Muse]

Very interesting, thank you for the explination.

[blank|verse]

Thanks for the reply, Dieter. It was always clear this was an issue close to your heart, and it's found very powerful expression through the poem.

It was Wordsworth who said good poetry is 'the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings' of course, although Oscar Wilde was later to turn this on its head, just to remind us perhaps that poetry needs a bit of emotional distance from the issue itself, in order for it not to be smothered by that emotion and for it successfully to become a poem in its own right.

But the poem clearly means a lot to you, and as you stated there are words and images that are important to you, so it's understandable if you want to keep them in the poem. Thanks.

[Jerrybaldy]

This is really interesting because I think bv improved the poem, from my point of view as a reader ( he did the same to one of mine once) yet at the same time it removes what is personal to you about the story, which I also fully appreciate but would not have known until you explained. So it leaves the question as to who needs to be happy with the poem, the writer or the reader, if not both?

[Haunted]

Dieter, quite a departure from your other work. I got the hate crime reference, just not what hate crime, until you explained. The allusions are too vague to connect to anything so specific. I'm with Jerry wondering what you ultimately want with the poem: as a piece of self expression with meaning only known to yourself and that you'd be satisfied with the obscurity, or do you want to share with others this worthy subject? There's no right or wrong, just a personal preference.