BioHestia
05-01-2014, 09:55 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTnknFhp4Is
To those who have chosen us, or were chosen by us:
I want to die. I’ve wanted to die for a long time. There was a brief pause in that desire, a short while in which I wanted to live. Oh how I wanted to live and be a part of life. I’d never known such happiness. Always though, always I partook in caution because I knew what would happen. I knew such happiness would never last. I took it upon myself to end it all before tragedy could transpire. I wanted to die. I want to die. Every word I write is an attempt to escape, a portal back to when I was happy, even if the topic is that of death and dying. Every word is an attempt to die, a weak hope that someone will see a chance to end an unhappy life and will rise up to claim their right to end my life.
I’ve served purpose enough in this life. I’ve been the friend everyone thinks is happy and carefree, but yet listens and knows just what to say when another is sad or downright miserable. I’ve been the considerate, obedient dog that teachers and adults expect. I’ve been the lover that does everything in their power to just please their significant other, regardless of how loveless the relationship is. I’ve been these things. I’ve been an object.
I’ve also been the drug addict, the person who stays up for hours past what they should because they crave their ‘fix’ oh so very much. I’ve been the whore, the one who everyone loves to hate. I’m the crazy one who holds a knife to her throat and screams about wanting to die, about how my everything feels like agony. I’m the one who made the decision to end a dog’s life because it just wasn’t worth keeping alive in my opinion. I’m the one who that dog crawled to even as she was dying, I’m the one she stared at, I’m the one who promised to protect her and never let anyone hurt her. I’m the one who lied. I’m the monster who tries to destroy the lives of others because I get bored. And I love every moment of it.
The good cannot atone for the bad, there is always an excuse, but there will never be a justified reason. The worst (best) part is when you feel no guilt, no remorse for what you do and say. You know it’s wrong, you know you hurt other people. Yet you don’t care. You don’t care and you probably never have/will. Even when you choke your best friend and they scream that you’re a monster who belongs in hell, you just smile and think it’s a game. Everythings always a game. Its never anything more than just a game. Oh sure, you can feign this regret, this remorse. You may even promise to ‘try to be a better person’, but at the end of the day a leopard cannot change its spots.
I am who I am. Who and what that is...I’m not sure. Its definitely not the best friend, the honorable student, the worthy lover. I’ve pushed friends to suicide, cheated on tests, and cheated on everyone I’ve dated. I can’t stop, or rather, I could but I simply choose not to. The dangerous side of a dark nature is it’s lure. The feelings you get when people pity you, find your life story so miserable and just want to be there for you. Then they either get trapped or run away. Yes, its a life full of tragedy, something to be upset over, but not for the reasons one might think. The overall innocent and loving nature is just a coverup for an overly dark and hateful nature.
I’m certain there is madness in all genius, but not all madness has genius. Perhaps at one point I was the good, honest things people assumed of me. There has to be at least a sliver of truth in every falsified ideal. If ever there was though, it would most assuredly be long gone by the point of when I became this. We all have a pre-determined fate, a design we cannot escape. While we may modify it, reshape the way it should go, we can never truly change what is to be. If you are meant to be a monster, you will become a monster. While you may fight it, and I truly encourage such a struggle, (its fun to watch, you know!), in the end submitting to it will be the best way to preserve yourself.
At this point, I can guarantee you have tired of this letter, new recruit. I’m certain you agreed and disagreed with me on different points. Depending on how ‘noble’ you find yourself you may even be planning to kill me. I encourage you to try, I find a bit of bloodshed humbles the recruits faster than any other method. You were all chosen for the hatred you harbor though, in hopes that we will be able to channel it into something useful. Mind your step. Tread lightly. Welcome to Our Hell.
~The Disquieting
To those who have chosen us, or were chosen by us:
I want to die. I’ve wanted to die for a long time. There was a brief pause in that desire, a short while in which I wanted to live. Oh how I wanted to live and be a part of life. I’d never known such happiness. Always though, always I partook in caution because I knew what would happen. I knew such happiness would never last. I took it upon myself to end it all before tragedy could transpire. I wanted to die. I want to die. Every word I write is an attempt to escape, a portal back to when I was happy, even if the topic is that of death and dying. Every word is an attempt to die, a weak hope that someone will see a chance to end an unhappy life and will rise up to claim their right to end my life.
I’ve served purpose enough in this life. I’ve been the friend everyone thinks is happy and carefree, but yet listens and knows just what to say when another is sad or downright miserable. I’ve been the considerate, obedient dog that teachers and adults expect. I’ve been the lover that does everything in their power to just please their significant other, regardless of how loveless the relationship is. I’ve been these things. I’ve been an object.
I’ve also been the drug addict, the person who stays up for hours past what they should because they crave their ‘fix’ oh so very much. I’ve been the whore, the one who everyone loves to hate. I’m the crazy one who holds a knife to her throat and screams about wanting to die, about how my everything feels like agony. I’m the one who made the decision to end a dog’s life because it just wasn’t worth keeping alive in my opinion. I’m the one who that dog crawled to even as she was dying, I’m the one she stared at, I’m the one who promised to protect her and never let anyone hurt her. I’m the one who lied. I’m the monster who tries to destroy the lives of others because I get bored. And I love every moment of it.
The good cannot atone for the bad, there is always an excuse, but there will never be a justified reason. The worst (best) part is when you feel no guilt, no remorse for what you do and say. You know it’s wrong, you know you hurt other people. Yet you don’t care. You don’t care and you probably never have/will. Even when you choke your best friend and they scream that you’re a monster who belongs in hell, you just smile and think it’s a game. Everythings always a game. Its never anything more than just a game. Oh sure, you can feign this regret, this remorse. You may even promise to ‘try to be a better person’, but at the end of the day a leopard cannot change its spots.
I am who I am. Who and what that is...I’m not sure. Its definitely not the best friend, the honorable student, the worthy lover. I’ve pushed friends to suicide, cheated on tests, and cheated on everyone I’ve dated. I can’t stop, or rather, I could but I simply choose not to. The dangerous side of a dark nature is it’s lure. The feelings you get when people pity you, find your life story so miserable and just want to be there for you. Then they either get trapped or run away. Yes, its a life full of tragedy, something to be upset over, but not for the reasons one might think. The overall innocent and loving nature is just a coverup for an overly dark and hateful nature.
I’m certain there is madness in all genius, but not all madness has genius. Perhaps at one point I was the good, honest things people assumed of me. There has to be at least a sliver of truth in every falsified ideal. If ever there was though, it would most assuredly be long gone by the point of when I became this. We all have a pre-determined fate, a design we cannot escape. While we may modify it, reshape the way it should go, we can never truly change what is to be. If you are meant to be a monster, you will become a monster. While you may fight it, and I truly encourage such a struggle, (its fun to watch, you know!), in the end submitting to it will be the best way to preserve yourself.
At this point, I can guarantee you have tired of this letter, new recruit. I’m certain you agreed and disagreed with me on different points. Depending on how ‘noble’ you find yourself you may even be planning to kill me. I encourage you to try, I find a bit of bloodshed humbles the recruits faster than any other method. You were all chosen for the hatred you harbor though, in hopes that we will be able to channel it into something useful. Mind your step. Tread lightly. Welcome to Our Hell.
~The Disquieting