No Trail

[Lykren]

The answer streamed past us.
We walked a little further, wading deep,
clouding the further reaches.

In the pool ahead the sun
touched the mica in the rocks above
and the stark surface of the water.
It was not so shaded.

We kept close.
There was no need
to lean against the purple-shadowed boulders.
The riverbed was smooth.

That night dreams came
rapidly, I took care
not to believe them.

[blank|verse]

This is very sensuous and evocative writing, Lykren. And sensual, if we’re to believe Freud, water imagery connotes sex; like ‘To Do’, this poem invites a reading that it is about a relationship. Overall though (no pun intended) perhaps it’s lacking in a bit of depth or development; it seems a bit inconsequential on the whole.

I’m reminded of Wallace Stevens's ‘A Lot of People Bathing in a Stream’, of people diving ‘Into the sun-filled water’ and so on.

The use of prepositions in these lines held me up:

In the pool ahead the sun
touched the mica in the rocks above

because I wonder if you mean:

Above the pool ahead [of us]
the sun touched the mica in the rocks

Personally, I find the last stanza ending a bit too wistful, and slightly sentimental if I’m honest, as it seems to introduce an element of morality and the mention of ‘dreams’ makes for a weak ending. It’s as if that, despite wading through the imagery of an inventive imagination in the poem, ultimately the narrator is scared of putting his/her toe into the water. It needs something here to make the poem work, but I feel, something stronger.

[Lykren]

Hi again, blank|verse! In this one I was purposefully trying to get a 'slight' feel out of it, but perhaps that came too much at the cost of topic matter. I am also concerned about the ending, although more on rhythmic grounds than anything else. Thanks for commenting!

(P.S. You're free to be my cheerleader-in-chief anytime :))