To Do

[Lykren]

I do it because I don’t want to,
because in some flurry of red
grace is littered, left unselected.

The sky is a platform occasionally ruined
by sleeping clouds, their dreams wafer-light.
I took the borrowed vision, clumsy as clothing,
with me, believing no harm could come.
No harm did come.

The sun shed its fleece
and we walked downhill
not intoxicated, just exhausted.

Into the doing came the guessing,
sophisticated wishwork, the illness
approached the day, and all
prior engagements vanished
like wintering insects.

[blank|verse]

This thing’s to do, indeed. But quite what thing? Is it sex (albeit of a rather unrewarding kind) this ‘flurry of red’ that leaves them ‘not intoxicated, just exhausted’? It could also be a killing, as suggested by the masochistic opening line, but the fact that ‘no harm did come’ suggests otherwise.

Overall, the poem invites interpretation as being about a relationship in which communication appears to be an issue; but perhaps the reader can empathise with the lines ‘Into the doing came the guessing, | sophisticated wishwork’ as there’s a lot of space to fill in this fractured narrative.

I enjoyed the phrase ‘clumsy as clothing’ and think it’s the highlight of the whole poem, as it’s so simply expressed but truly made me reconsider something we all take for granted in life. It’s certainly moments like that why I (perhaps your Cheerleader-in-Chief on Litnet – it amazes me why you don’t have more comments about your poems, perhaps that says more about the reviewers than the writer…) why I try to read all that you post on the board even if I’m not able to comment on each poem.

I also thought the image of engagements ‘vanish[ing] | like wintering insects’ very strong, although perhaps slightly out of key with the rest of the poem, which suggests a different season, with the sun only ‘occasionally ruined | by sleeping clouds’. But on re-reading, there’s nothing that says it’s not winter. Just a minor niggle though.

Moreover, though, I find the line ‘No harm did come’ rather bathetic; rhythmically it’s a bit of a mouthful as well, which I don’t think helps – as I read it, each syllable is stressed (with extra emphasis on ‘did’).

But overall it’s imaginative and rewarding poetry, as always.

[Lykren]

Thank you for commenting, blank|verse! I felt the same way you did about the line "no harm did come", at least in a rhythmic sense, so I've actually already changed it in a later draft to simply, "No harm came."