The Crystal of Truth

[Armaane_Writes]

A long time ago, back in the day of the Spartans, there lived a man by the name of Sevrin. Sevrin was mid-height, had practically no hair, not because he can’t grow any just because he simply does not want any. Anyway, he lived through many of the great battles. Such as, The War of Sticks and Stones of 77 B.C., The Bison Invasion where nearly half of the kingdom fell to Bison Warriors, and many more wars I am sure.

One day, while walking through the desert he spotted a crystal, one like none other. Not only was it beautiful and shiny, it was powerful. Sevrin soon realized that the crystal was the master of everything, and if it gets in the wrong hands, everyone’s lives are in massive jeopardy.

He quickly ran home to show his good friend Arthur what he had found and told him the power of it. Arthur tells him to not show it to anyone else and keep it a secret or the Roman’s will come and take it from them by force if they have to. Sevrin listens to Arthur and goes back to where he found it and buried it in the ground, for no one to see.

Years later, when he was in his last years of life, Sevrin told Richard, his son; about the crystal he found when he was about his age. Richard was fascinated and promised to keep it a secret. “One day I will be the ruler of the Vulcan people with that crystal” he thought to himself. Sevrin passed away a couple weeks later due to natural causes. Richard, in his father’s memory, went to go and dig up the crystal and fulfill his dream as ruler. Little did he acknowledge the dangers of the crystal and that whoever has it in his or her possession and rule the universe.

He thought to himself, “Now, is my time” and ran back to his village…

Hello people, this is my first short story I have ever written and I want to add to it and improve the story. Please feel free to leave me some suggestions, comments, and ideas down below. Thanks

[chevalierdelame]

Hello, I'm new here and can't say I've much experience writing short stories. I've written just one complete story yet.
But here are some suggestions.
This story could show that power necessarily corrupts and is therefore tragic (to the person who holds it). The dilemma of a good ruler is always where to draw the line between mercy and justice. Like what happens in the ‘Good woman Of Setzuan’ by Brecht. The good woman is rewarded for her goodness by the gods and she tries to help others with this reward, and tries to be good, fair, forgiving and just. But in the end she finds that the others have taken advantage of her and she is the loser. In this play all she has more than others is a little bit of money. But when you have the power of a ruler this situation is even more applicable.
There is also a story by Oscar Wilde called ‘The Star Child’. The Star Chid is so beautiful and everyone adores him, but he grows so proud that he spurns his own mother. As a punishment he is turned into a loathsome, toad-like creature. So often, the things that we crave for like power, beauty, and money only harm us in the end.
These are just my ideas.
I like your story, it’s unusual and could be read as an allegory. I’d love to see the completed story.