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tfkmarauder
04-02-2014, 01:18 AM
On dieing

To die seems quite an adventure
One i will wait to see
Though death i do not desire
Nor dead i wish to be

The folds of hell seem far too deep
The gates of heavn too vast
Though part of me wishes to see
The place i'll rest at last

...

Mind palace
Venues of memories crushed into closed confines.
Guilt and sin fighting in, Clawing from crevices
Between the stone stacked walls built from thoughts of the past.
Great chambers can be seen through gilded openings
Lining the paths and streets up to the slanted throne.
Cluttered with moments and memories locked in time
Shooting from wall to roof, flittering through the floor,
Faces and feelings of people and places,
Thoughts that were thought to be useful and valuable,
Formless now freely roam hallowed halls aimlessly.
Catching can take time as memories wish to stay
Stuck in the strongholds and between the thick walls,
Just out of conscious reach, leaving a puzzled look
Lips are bit, tongues are tied grasping at flits and flares
Yielding little success placing a name to face.

...

Speak
Its Saddening how on occasions so few,
I neglect to converse or make light with you.
All seconds you roam the thin streets of my mind.
But if i approach you i will only find,
That my tongue is tangled and my heart is quick.
Im taken by diseases, always love sick.
I wish you could hear the words i try to say,
They stay in my mind, and my tongue will not play
But i will not cease i will always find you
In your shining beauty my words will ring true
The feelings i have seem so locked on a page
So hidden down inside my cranial cage
I stutter and utter meaningless words
While my mind is soaring outside with the birds
I hope to induce a small giggle or laugh
I stammer to surmise the twelve and a half
Few seeming small sentiments i have to say
But as it is with me i dont know the way
Oh, love is to soft and with letters too few
To describe these feelings i still feel for you
I wish the stars did not prescribe my affairs
For fate must keep you from returning my stares

Jerrybaldy
04-04-2014, 06:04 PM
I enjoyed the first the most. The second and third seemed to meander plenty without arriving. However, I speak with no authority. There is a lot to be said for poetry saying something in fewer words.. Equally a good point in it saying something in more words than required to put an idea across. All you are left with is a subjective view at all times. I think this dilemma is what keeps me coming back for more. So subjectively I like the first the best. I think that rhyming suits comic poetry best as it such a ridiculous way to write when you consider it. You can obviously write. This may well be the longest review I have ever written. I will shut up now. Welcome to litnet.

tfkmarauder
04-05-2014, 02:54 AM
Thanks alot for your advice and commentary! It means alot