similie night.

[Jerrybaldy]

The sun went down like a crackhead on a whore,
with colours hallucinated by a ditched bride
afloat in pink bath water,
carving `jilted` in her arms
with French manicured nails.
The night set in killing light like cancer
blackening cells
within your favourite relative
or television celebrity.
I pulled the curtains shut
like a west end tragedy
matinee performance
on a drizzle soaked Wednesday afternoon,
where the pavements have messages
within bubble gum hieroglyphs
and buses streak red through towers of grey,
whilst men carry moats within rims of bowler hats.
I fell to sleep like a magicians assistant,
stepping into a cabinet
to emerge behind the audience sucking
on a flaming lollipop.
Everybody talks about a new world in the morning.

[prendrelemick]

It's like a poem that's good.

[Delta40]

Bubblegum hieroglyphs is good. Snappy and it all comes out beautifully in the wash.

[Hawkman]

Ditch the first five lines. They're really a bit ott in that they read like a parody, and I keep fighting the urge to laugh. The rest of the poem is rather good.

Live and be well - H

[2X2E5]

Beautiful! Love it.

[qimissung]

Haha. I did not laugh at the first five lines, but still, I agree with Hawkman, that that's when it gets good. Love the title.

[Haunted]

I have no problem with the first 5 lines, the first line is actually quite spot on, and it's very you. If you want some variety, then it would not be a bad idea to drop those lines as others suggested. "The night set in killing light like cancer" is just as a compelling start, and the rest goes from good to awesome.