PDA

View Full Version : Trip to Diveagar......



Tarun Kumar
03-26-2014, 01:35 PM
Hi friends, It has been a long time since I wrote something. I decided to improve my writing skills because I am going to pursue Masters in 3 months and I have to write many academic materials, papers etc, there. I read some threads on this forum and found that best way to improve writing is to practice and accept feedback. So here is my first essay. I narrated a picnic trip with my friends.
Guys and Gals, I request everyone to please:
1. Leave comments.
2. Point out my mistakes like, a sentence that doesn't make sense, grammatical error etc.
3. If you find a poorly framed sentence please help me in framing it properly.

Thanks.




Trip to Diveagar


Everybody have some memories and experiences with their friends which they want to share with others. Today I want to share such an experience. Last month I went for a trip to a place called Diveagar with my five buddies, I planned the whole trip. Diveagar is a small village in coastal area. The reason I chose this place over other more popular beaches is because it is isolated from population and not well known. This makes this beach less crowded and clean. Also there are no rocks on this beach so we can enjoy in water without getting hurt. To reach diveagar we have to cross Western Ghats, a range of hills. This makes this place not just a good destination but also a nice drive to.


As I mentioned before, I planned the whole trip. We woke up at four in morning. I planned to leave home between 5 to 5:30 because I want to reach the hills when sun rises. As pre-planned everybody woke around 4:30 and we left in a cab at 5:30. As I wanted we were at mountains at the time of sunrise. The scene was beautiful and electrifying, I cannot delineate the feeling but it was like somebody injected us with energy potion. We stopped at some places to capture the moment in our camera. My friends started making funny bollywood poses in front of the camera. To be frank they clicked pics to upload them on facebook. I don't know the reason but posing in front of the camera never intrigued me. I always like to take picture of the scenery and not myself with scenery in background. After the session of individual pictures we clicked some group pics and then proceeded to our destination.


Diveagar was still a long way to go. Over 100 kms were remaining and we all were starving after 2 hours of drive. We decided to take a break at a small village called madgaon for breakfast. We reach madgaon by 7:30 am. To my amazement the market of village was very crowded and felt a happening place. In city 7:30 am is like early morning for us. Nobody starts their day before 9 am. But here in village all the shops were opened, restaurants cooking food, hawkers, milkman etc. everybody was on road doing their job. It felt so lively here. We parked our cab in front of a small dhaba (a very small restaurant) which was cooking vada pav (an awesome maharashtrian quick snack). I ordered tea and vada pav for everyone. We had our breakfast and left for our destination at around 8 am.


Our original plan was to return back the same night. I wanted to spend as much time in water as possible, so I asked everyone to buckle up until we reach diveagar, there will be no more stops. But who can fight fate. Due to tortuous hilly roads one of our friend started feeling nauseous. We have to pull over so that he can drink some water, lemon and salt etc. This cost us half an hour. After this small problem we started our journey again.


Finally we reached Diveagar at 10:30 am. Weather there was awesome. Village is so small that you can hear sound of waves everywhere. Cold breeze freshen us up. We found a good parking spot near the beach and changed to our swimming clothes. We literally ran to sea. I was surprised by seeing some water sports on the beach. I remember on my last visit beach was a deserted isolated beach with few tourists. But this time number of tourists increased and so did means to attract them. We enjoyed banana ride. In this ride we sit on a long tube, which is pulled by a speed boat in middle of the sea. They topple the tube so that we fall in water and then they pull us on the tube and bring us to the beach. The ride was awesome.


After enjoying in water for few hours we started feeling hungry. We came out of water, took shower in a shack on the beach and were now ready for lunch. One great thing about this place is low cost, good quality sea food. We went to a good restaurant for lunch. I ordered fried Pomfret with some gravy and rice. Food was delicious which was followed by desert, modak (a malvani delicacy).


We were done with our lunch by 3 pm. There is a ganpati temple in diveagar. Legend is some 50 years back a gold idol of Lord Ganesha was found while digging for a well. Diveagar was famous because of this legend. We decided to visit the temple and then we'll head back home. There were two ways to reach temple. Either by road, or by long walk along the beach. We chose to burn fat and save oil. We started walking, sooner we realised that we should have chosen road, but now there is no turning back. It took us one and a half hour to return from temple.


After some shopping we left the place at 5pm. We decided not to return by same route. There is a place called 'Tony da Dhaba' in Lonavala. Lonavala is 50 kms away from our home. So instead of returning from hilly road we decided to take the highway to Lonavala for dinner. We didn't know the way. So we opened Google Maps and started navigation. After an hour drive we lost all signals in our cell phones. No internet or GPS. So we had to ask for route in old fashioned way. We reached 'Tony da Dhaba' around 10 pm.


Tony da Dhaba is famous for its spicy chicken and Veg Mumtaz. After a delicious dinner followed by jalebis as dessert we headed back to home. We reached home around 12, we paid up the cab guy, took his number and promised to call him in case if we need cab again (this is common in here). We were so tired that we straight away went to bed and slept. No dreams no snores, we slept like a rock.

DickZ
03-26-2014, 10:38 PM
Is this story about the Diveagar in Italy's Tuscany or the one in France's Bourdeaux?

There are lots of places that require the word the, but it is omitted. There are too many occurrences to list them all, but you might want to study some English writing when you can, to get a feel for when the is called for, and when it's not.

Tarun Kumar
03-26-2014, 11:24 PM
Is this story about the Diveagar in Italy's Tuscany or the one in France's Bourdeaux?

There are lots of places that require the word the, but it is omitted. There are too many occurrences to list them all, but you might want to study some English writing when you can, to get a feel for when the is called for, and when it's not.

First of all, Thanks a lot for replying. This story is about Diveagar in India.
I need two helps from you.
1. Can you please point out to few sentences where you think I missed 'the'. This'll help me understand my mistake and I'll also notice usage of 'the' while reading.
2. Can you please point me out to some good reads which can help me improve my writing.

Also, did you find any grammatical mistakes?

DickZ
03-28-2014, 07:40 AM
Thanks for clearing up the issue of where Diveagar is. Remember that things like this aren't obvious to readers all over the world, who aren't familiar with your backyard.

Here's a brief sample of where you missed inserting the word the:

In THE city 7:30 am is like early morning for us. Nobody starts their day before 9 am. But here in THE village all the shops were opened, restaurants cooking food, hawkers, milkman etc. everybody was on THE road doing their job.

AuntShecky
03-28-2014, 04:29 PM
Welcome to the LitNet. I do hope you'll post more of your writing as well as commenting in a "reply" on the work of your fellow LitNutters.

You requested some advice on your work, so here are a few:

1. Most errors, such as inadvertently omitting ariticles such as "the," can be prevented by careful proofreading. When you finish a piece, read it a couple of times, preferably aloud, so you can sweep your work for stray typos and errors before you post the final version. For example, you forgot to capitalize "Diveagar" in a couple of places.

2. Brush up on basic grammar. For instance, noun/verb agreement. For example, in your first sentence, change "have" (plural) to singular "has" so it will agree with the subject of the sentence. Same with pronouns and their antecedents: "Nobody starts his (instead of "their") day. . ."

3. Vary your sentence structure. Instead of a long string of simple declarative sentences, add compound, complex, and complex-compound sentences to the mix. Doing this will help your prose adopt a smooth, less "choppy" rhythm, providing "ear" appeal, as well as allowing your thoughts to progress logically rather than simply chronologically.

And finally-- this is the most important!--
4. Write as vividly and expressively as you can. Words such as "awesome" and "amazing" are not only worn-out, they don't really tell us anything, certainly nothing specific. Instead, use words that will conjure up details that appeal to the reader's senses. Few of us will ever get the opportunity to travel to Diveagar, so take us there through your description. Show us what Diveagar looks like, sounds like, smells like. When you mention delicacies such as "modak," let us know what it tastes like.

Keep writing, but especially keep reading. Immerse yourself in the masters of English prose of every era, including the present day, so that you can absorb just what "good writing" means. Fall in love with words.

Good luck.

Auntie

Tarun Kumar
03-28-2014, 08:45 PM
Thanks for clearing up the issue of where Diveagar is. Remember that things like this aren't obvious to readers all over the world, who aren't familiar with your backyard.

Here's a brief sample of where you missed inserting the word the:

In THE city 7:30 am is like early morning for us. Nobody starts their day before 9 am. But here in THE village all the shops were opened, restaurants cooking food, hawkers, milkman etc. everybody was on THE road doing their job.

Thanks for pointing out.


Welcome to the LitNet. I do hope you'll post more of your writing as well as commenting in a "reply" on the work of your fellow LitNutters.

You requested some advice on your work, so here are a few:

1. Most errors, such as inadvertently omitting ariticles such as "the," can be prevented by careful proofreading. When you finish a piece, read it a couple of times, preferably aloud, so you can sweep your work for stray typos and errors before you post the final version. For example, you forgot to capitalize "Diveagar" in a couple of places.

2. Brush up on basic grammar. For instance, noun/verb agreement. For example, in your first sentence, change "have" (plural) to singular "has" so it will agree with the subject of the sentence. Same with pronouns and their antecedents: "Nobody starts his (instead of "their") day. . ."

3. Vary your sentence structure. Instead of a long string of simple declarative sentences, add compound, complex, and complex-compound sentences to the mix. Doing this will help your prose adopt a smooth, less "choppy" rhythm, providing "ear" appeal, as well as allowing your thoughts to progress logically rather than simply chronologically.

And finally-- this is the most important!--
4. Write as vividly and expressively as you can. Words such as "awesome" and "amazing" are not only worn-out, they don't really tell us anything, certainly nothing specific. Instead, use words that will conjure up details that appeal to the reader's senses. Few of us will ever get the opportunity to travel to Diveagar, so take us there through your description. Show us what Diveagar looks like, sounds like, smells like. When you mention delicacies such as "modak," let us know what it tastes like.

Keep writing, but especially keep reading. Immerse yourself in the masters of English prose of every era, including the present day, so that you can absorb just what "good writing" means. Fall in love with words.

Good luck.

Auntie

Thanks a lot for your really important suggestions. I am going to copy these suggestions and keep them with me all the time. Also I am going to take some time to improve my basic english grammar. Right now I have Wren & Martin with me. If you guys can suggest any book for grammar, I'll look into it too. I'll do some reading and write the same essay and post again in few days.
Thanks man, you made my day.

108 fountains
03-28-2014, 10:24 PM
Elements of Style by E.B. White is my favorite book for grammar and good writing advice because of its brevity and simplicity.