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View Full Version : A mockery of the descriptive nature of the Legend Of Sleepy Hollow



Zachary Grubbs
03-18-2014, 01:15 PM
Maps and outlines on blueprinted matted surface paper. Notebooks of ratted dialogues of structure conversed in the mind of the archetypes dictionary based cortex of complicated ideas. Suffer aging through the robust wreck able rowdy mind of the author of sustainable ideas for construction. Mild tempered manifestations jotted down with feathered tips dipped in rancid black ink drippings. He jots down sincerely thought of quotations of the past spectrum of ideas based upon wanting needs for satisfaction and means of income proposed in a situation of a time catalog of constricted nature to determine the makeup of the building. If only he tampered with a sort of emphasis a mapped out construction plane that of similarities of Frank Lloyd Wright. An expose of intrinsic nature of the animistic bounds of the touch and go mindset; If only he could contain himself to the needs which lay present. He was almost completed with the rigorous ruckus and ram a rue that caused his yelling of obscenities in downright frustration. This hive of metal and flooring plus foamy dense insulation bounding the innards of the walls, was to withstand years of wear and weather bound decay and carry over to future generations. This skyscraper was a colossus! Wires and concepts of structure and massive steel pillars stretched across the horizon into the bounds of the eternal atmospheric sky bound heights. Dissonant rumblings of grinded steel pole and glass windows of thick beyond measure melted glass furnishings. Granite counter tops and hardwood flooring stretched across each floor and deck of the foreseeable landscape of the building. The lighted transparent clear stair steps of the stairwells into the abyss of the dark corridor down to the lot of the engine driven metal carcasses for the bipedal primates travel purposes and explained on the paper parchment for future plans of construction. Dipple dapping into the crescent rolls of frustrated teen angst like complexities of vivid analogue dissected damaging to the minds composure and rightfully so in the cerebral cortex over flooded with a pulse of blood driven to the mind from the furious beating heart. Blasphemy and decadence all at once at the damaged dinner table, he finally gets a break from the slavery of working on a massive project such as this. He drags his oval figure to the chair in a rushed order of rowdy endearment for the meal. His bulging belly growling with ever present hungers which not even a full cow could offer any form of fulfillment. He is also thirsty beyond measure and it would almost take a full river to satiate the retched dry depths of his throat. He goes to the pantry to grab the contents of his feast in a manner that would be frowned upon in any house with a strict diet. First the macaroni and cheese, then two gallons of sweet tea, two container of crumpets, a pound of sliced pork, four roast soaked potatoes, three slices of pepper jack cheese, five burnt ends od squirrel and pig, and finally a gallon of tapioca pudding and a box of vanilla wafers. The man was hungry to say the least! To indulge in each crevice of the sliced pork and roasted potatoes and cleaned on carousel led mechanical industrious processed in a factory of cleansing. His intense heart has slowed but his appetite has only begun to be a big thunder rumble fish in the means of consumption. Four cups of sweet alertly aged tea and thirty crumpets and four cup like saucers of macaroni. Pepper jack cheese and tail ends of squirrel and pigs burnt ends. Criminal like forms of gluttony pre disposed into one crammed and indulgent meal of cholesterol intake and fatty cell intrusion. Four hours later dessert; a gallon of tapioca pudding and four boxes of soggy vanilla wafers were on the table next. He eats himself into a carnivorous and sugar rushed oblivion. Three hours later and he passes out in gastrointestinal aspect ion. The scene was horrendous! Saliva and vomit were retched in all directions, the shaking of his bulbous body flung the table into the air and the food went sprawling into the air making an ungodly mess, then in the midst of all this as he trying to regain he balance in a last ditch effort to save his life, he fell down his massive wooden staircase. He dies later that night. The building is never constructed and his body is buried next to a ravine. His tombstone reads, “Pork and beans.”

Delta40
03-18-2014, 01:47 PM
First, no paragraphs make for mighty hard reading.

Second, although you wax lyrical through most of it, you don't when we come to the final stage - the real pork & beans of the story. Ask yourself why you opt for the effective keep it simple style of writing at the crux, stripping aside most of the obscure style you employed all the way through.

The answer is because its better to write this way than fannying about with abstract ways to depict a fat guy drawing.

I like the idea of his fate, though somewhat gross. No need to repeat what he ate.

Rethink this. I perservered reading it because of its wordiness. Try to avoid this if you can.

Good luck

Zachary Grubbs
03-18-2014, 03:31 PM
First, no paragraphs make for mighty hard reading.

Second, although you wax lyrical through most of it, you don't when we come to the final stage - the real pork & beans of the story. Ask yourself why you opt for the effective keep it simple style of writing at the crux, stripping aside most of the obscure style you employed all the way through.

The answer is because its better to write this way than fannying about with abstract ways to depict a fat guy drawing.

I like the idea of his fate, though somewhat gross. No need to repeat what he ate.

Rethink this. I perservered reading it because of its wordiness. Try to avoid this if you can.

Good luck
Thank you! the reason I changed the format is because in Sleepy Hollow it is all description until the end of the story. Then the action happens. Its a mockery for my American Literature class :P