Unions

[Delta40]

There are no dreams
to be found from staring at walls.

Fill in the gaps
or smash it to smithereens,
Now both seem too hard.

I think there is barbed wire too.

Places I would like to eat
never seem to have a seat.

My Dad sang silly things
about unions.

You can't touch me...till the day I die
He passed me that sandwich board
Parts of me hurt so much.

Ah! Fresh coffee fixes everything.

Like the rough texture of wizened oak.
A deserted beach at sunset.
dilapidated buildings covered in street art.

I'm in the story somewhere.

Here I follow a thin line of bricks,
embedded into the road I walk
but they just go round in circles.

So does it really matter
that I can't find
the question mark
on a keyboard.

[hannah_arendt]

There are no dreams
to be found from staring at walls.

Fill in the gaps
or smash it to smithereens,
Now both seem too hard.

I think there is barbed wire too.

Places I would like to eat
never seem to have a seat.

My Dad sang silly things
about unions.

You can't touch me...till the day I die
He passed me that sandwich board
Parts of me hurt so much.

Ah! Fresh coffee fixes everything.

Like the rough texture of wizened oak.
A deserted beach at sunset.
dilapidated buildings covered in street art.

I'm in the story somewhere.

Here I follow a thin line of bricks,
embedded into the road I walk
but they just go round in circles.

So does it really matter
that I can't find
the question mark
on a keyboard.


Very good text:) I like especially the first two lines:) Congratulations.

[Hawkman]

Ah, but where, exactly, would you have put it? I remember that song, but, even though the witch is dead, she sort of spoiled the refrain, didn't she. There are some nice touches in this Delta - but it does come over in a slightly fragmentary way - a butterfly's progression between thoughts. It is still effective for all that. You might want to look at S6 though, that last line doesn't flow well. A full stop at the end of the preceding line would probably be sufficient.

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

Thank you both.

[dyne7]

very nice subject. a nice harmony between poetic description and layman recollection. also, the intimacy of the poem is strangely apparent, and its use of consonants become a sort of iconography which help the audience gather the proper level of narrative detail in a poem which ironically has lyrical consistency.

[Delta40]

Thank you for such a nice review Dyne.