Kathmandu

[108 fountains]

The sun just rising over the Himalayas
Emerges a deep red sphere
From the smoky brown haze
Hanging down from the surrounding hills.
Now reflected by the snow on the higher peaks
Of the mountains,
Sunrise glistens.

In the early dawn, Kathmandu is a slumbering farmyard
Not an awakening city of half a million people.
First light brings the crowing of roosters
Nested in the courtyard next door
Interrupting the morning’s
Silent slumber.

Pigeons are next,
Cooing in the eaves of the roofs of buildings.
Then the sudden whoosh of their wings as they flee from some
Imagined danger.

The whisper-like swish of straw brooms,
The piercing smell of wood-fires –
The women have begun their long day of work.
Small, muffled voices are heard –
The men and the children awake from under their
Woolen blankets.

In the streets, dogs yawn and stretch their legs.
The cows “Moo,” the goats “Maa,”
The tomcots “Yeowl,” and the hens “Cluck” in a
Barnyard symphony.

The chill, misty air gives rise to warmth.
Golden pagoda roofs gleam in the sun.
Pungent incense, temple bells,
Vermilion powder and marigolds,
Shiva and Parbati,
Statues of brass and bronze,
The busy chatter of voices,
Children laughing in the street -
Kathmandu, how long will you remain thus?

[YesNo]

Nice description of Kathmandu. It makes me want to visit it some day.

[Hawkman]

Hello 108f:

I'm not really sure where to begin with this piece. It's imagery is certainly vivid, but it does have a number of issues as a poem. The first three verses are rather too prosaic and then S4 suddenly changes gear. The first 4 lines of this verse are rhythmically very strong, in fact with the change of a single word in L3 and an extra syllable at the beginning of L4 (and), would fit into the refrain of the traditional Christmas song, "The Running of the Deer". Then the next two lines lapse back into prose. In S5 the style takes another leap and the whole mood changes and you present us with what feels like a bit out of Old MacDonald's Farm. Then another change of style - However, this last verse is a poem in itself and would probably be enough on its own, with the title.

The overall effect, as it stands, is a bit of a hotch-potch construction stitched together a little carelessly. Consequently it lacks cohesion as a single piece. but as I said, the imagery is strong and if you were to present it more evenly, paying attention to the niceties of poetry - meter, rhythm, assonance etc. you could probably get a couple of poems out of this. Don't discard it, mine it as a resource for future work.

Live and be well - H

[108 fountains]

Hawkman,
Thanks. These are all valid points and a good analysis of what's there and what's not. I wrote it with only imagery in mind, except where I used some rhythm in the final verse and a similar meter in the final line of each of the preceding verses. (Actually, I was surprised you found rhythm at all in S4 - it was entirely accidental.) I'll go back and see what I can do with the earlier verses in terms of rhythm and making it less prosaic. I appreciate the comments.

[osho]

This hails from a land where man is humane enough. This is about a country where you can still come across a people with feelings. Kathmandu is, I do not know for better or worse gravitating towards globalization and this will indeed deface it and it will lose all its cultural heritage and natural beauty when it will strike a deal with the world of industrialization. I am happy a poem is written about this beautiful country and I do not know when it gets raided by western cultures it will lose all that have enriched it. Like the way America imported diseases when Columbus discovered it. I am apologetic if it hurts some people here but I do not mean it. I am afraid to tell everybody that the west is losing its natural heritage to industrialization. And you cannot write a poem about it the way you can about Nepal and some other non-industrialized nations. This poem has romanticized my mind once again. Salute to you and come up with such poems that can riv up our minds once again.

[dyne7]

the introspection of Kathmandu is well realized. the appropriate images are filtered nicely, and the pivoting of the author keeps the text moving at the pace it needs to. the first and last stanzas in particular, create a nice dichotomy in regards the other layers of the poem. i much enjoyed this poem due to its economical use of descriptions.

[qimissung]

This hails from a land where man is humane enough. This is about a country where you can still come across a people with feelings. Kathmandu is, I do not know for better or worse gravitating towards globalization and this will indeed deface it and it will lose all its cultural heritage and natural beauty when it will strike a deal with the world of industrialization. I am happy a poem is written about this beautiful country and I do not know when it gets raided by western cultures it will lose all that have enriched it. Like the way America imported diseases when Columbus discovered it. I am apologetic if it hurts some people here but I do not mean it. I am afraid to tell everybody that the west is losing its natural heritage to industrialization. And you cannot write a poem about it the way you can about Nepal and some other non-industrialized nations. This poem has romanticized my mind once again. Salute to you and come up with such poems that can riv up our minds once again.

I think you mean that the Europeans brought diseases to the native people of the Americas when Columbus discovered them.