The Musician (Revised)

[glennr25]

Thanks to all the wonderful feedback I've received on here I was able to rewrite my original draft. Here's the link to the story: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxWwFMqwH2E8T2dHQWs1eWdUZ1U/edit?usp=sharing

[108 fountains]

Revision is very often the art of deleting unnecessary exposition. In this case, additions enriched the story. To me, it now reads much smoother, seems less hurried, and is just better overall.

[glennr25]

Revision is very often the art of deleting unnecessary exposition. In this case, additions enriched the story. To me, it now reads much smoother, seems less hurried, and is just better overall.

Absolutely right. I took your advice and added some more description and made it feel more like a Sci-Fi story and a little less like a romance one. I tend to rush through my first drafts because Stephen King told me to in his book On Writing (not sure if you've ever read it. It's a fabulous book. His life story encouraged me to start writing). He said something like, "Put your ideas down as quickly as possible. That's what first drafts are for. Make it nice and tidy the second time around." Feedback definitely helps to write better second drafts. Thanks again fountains.

[AuntShecky]

When doing rewrites, why stop at two?

[glennr25]

I definitely don't plan on stopping on two. I might give it a few more passes before I decide it's finished. But as it stands now, thanks to the advice I was given, it looks like it's much cleaner. That makes it a lot easier when I go back and look at it.

[AuntShecky]

Thank you so much, Glenn, for accepting criticism so graciously. After the past couple of days, you don't know how much I mean this. Truly.
Just as an aside, one would think that, after all these years, I'd have an idea of how to play it. Ah well, live and learn. (Sometimes.)
Auntie

[glennr25]

No problem. I've learned to take criticism much better as time has progressed. It was hard when I first started out (going on a little more than a year now since I got serious about this writing thing), but I've learned to take every piece of advice I get and decide for myself what works and what doesn't. Not everyone is going to like my stories, and I'm OK with that, just as long as you finish it. ;-)

[Calidore]

I've learned to take every piece of advice I get and decide for myself what works and what doesn't.

^That's the main thing.

Stephen King's not a bad model to follow (except the heavy drinking and substance abuse part), but you might also want to look at Ray Bradbury's Zen in the Art of Writing. The kind of stories you write are closer to Bradbury's oeuvre than King's. Also in this line is Creating Short Fiction by Damon Knight.

I'm familiar with the Writers of the Future contest. It has some controversy attached to it just because it was started by L. Ron Hubbard, but the contest itself is separate from Scientology and is respected in the industry. It's also quarterly, so don't feel the need to rush this story; you can always enter it for Q2.

Some thoughts on the revision:

* The amount of time between college and the present could use clarification. Ryan seems to have done a lot (cop, p.i., can afford illegal implant mods), but on the other hand, Michelle "knows", not "knew", his friends, even though they've seemingly had no contact since college.

* Early in the story, Michelle stood Ryan up for football jock Matt, but later on, she had always been with Matt. When you're writing characters who have a history before the story, you want to create that history first so that it's consistent in the story itself. This applies to the vague timeline above, also. Otherwise it looks like you're making it up on the fly, which both creates inconsistencies and shows a lack of care, neither of which will win any judges over.

* Overdoing It For Effect Part 1: After a tiff with Ryan, an upset Michelle ran out of the women's locker room wearing only a towel? Who does that? Plus, there were women in the locker room when a man barged in to angrily confront one of them, and their reaction was to politely wait for the argument to end and then laugh at him? Your people need to behave like people, including the way Ryan's overreacting to a woman who has apparently never had much interest in him in the first place.

* Also, "...he would never be lied to again." When did Michelle lie to him?

* Last one regarding Michelle: I'm glad you dropped her from the Badlands part, but it occurred to me later that after the early club visit, she serves no real purpose anywhere else in the story either. The exposition we get during Ryan's visit to her place after the upgrade could be summed up in a few sentences sprinkled elsewhere as needed, and that whole section safely deleted. Just like superfluous dialogue and descriptions should be trimmed, superfluous characters should also. Either give her a good reason to be there at the end or leave her out of it.

* "It must look odd seeing all these random people, swinging their empty hands around at the air." Especially while they're supposed to be driving. We have laws against distracted driving now, and PSAs about not texting, but you have ads being broadcast, movies being watched, and video games being played by people with implants while driving. No way. In fact:

* Overdoing It For Effect Part 2: These augments can now read movements, receive broadcasts, adjust bad live music to make it good, and even understand other people's conversations and putting up options based on them like "probabilities of what happened to the cat"? Not to mention that last was one of many conversations happening in a packed club, and that the implant wearer couldn't care less in the first place. KISS rule.

* Overdoing It For Effect Part 3: I figured out what was bothering me about the fight in the club--it's completely pointless. The massively muscular bodyguard could have easily (and even painfully) removed David's hand from the Musician's shoulder. Violence would always be a last resort, especially from a professional who knows he doesn't need it and also knows that his client's positive image is paramount. The rest of the scene, except for the guys being on the floor, wouldn't need to be changed at all.

* "He's hiding something" -- based on what? That he's an arrogant rocker?

* The Musician has a house with a Security System of Death (still don't like that--should be Overdoing It For Effect Part 4), electrified gate, big fortress-like house, ...and no driveway? He parks on the street and walks in? That would leave him a tad vulnerable, wouldn't it?

* I'm not sure about Ryan hiding his gun when in the Badlands--usually, you show people why they shouldn't mess with you. Plus, he'd want to be able to pull it fast if necessary. The Badlands also seems kind of mild in general for a prisoner dump.

* Watch your pronouns: In the paragraph starting "He followed him down the hallway", you need a name for one of them, especially since you were just previously talking about the escort but have now switched to Ryan. Then "Ryan peeked into...", but the next "he", who stops at the door, is the escort again. If a shortcut interferes with clarity, it's no longer a shortcut.

* Heroin?

* Ryan's queasy about having his implant upgraded in his head, but the alternative is Hacker removing it from his head and then putting it back. How would that be better?

* 1) David saved Ryan from two punks who beat him up after a failed robbery, then Ryan beat them worse later. 2) The police dept. had two punks beat up Ryan, then Ryan beat them worse later. If this is the same incident, there's no reason to write it as two different ones. If different incidents, they shouldn't be so similar.

* Instead of breaking into the Musician's place right before sunup (and only discovering when he got there that---what luck! His car's gone!), wouldn't Ryan be more likely to do it at night when, as far as he knew, the Musician was off playing somewhere? And being both an ex-cop and a p.i., one presumes he would know how to do an unobtrusive stakeout. Especially since the guy doesn't even have a driveway.

* Why exactly did Ryan and Michelle step out of hiding as soon as the time machine appeared? And why the smoke? It's both pointless and bad for the electronic equipment.

* I'm still not sold on the need for the Musician to steal music from the past. One, you can't steal or copy a performer's charisma, which is why the most famous are the most famous. And exactly how does he erase them from history? If he's stealing their best music, then they're already famous when that's composed, and their music up to that point has spread out worldwide.

[glennr25]

I definitely have to read Zen in the Art of Writing. To this day I've read most of Ray Bradbury's shorts and a couple of his novels, but never read his take on writing. I'll have to pick it up and read it as soon as possible. Thanks, Cal.

Yeah, I think I might hold off on submitting this story until the quarter 2 contest. Make sure it's as good as possible.

As for your critiques, I agree with most of them, and definitely will be doing more rewriting soon, except the one about the bodyguard going overboard on David and Ryan, and, also, the one where the Musician goes back in time and steals the music. There have been instances where bodyguards for celebrities tend to get a little out of hand with people. And it seems it's more a direct result of the celebrity and his own personality rather than it being the bodyguard's own choice. I remember reading about Drake's bodyguard sending a fan to the hospital at a night club because he kept bugging Drake for an autograph. Later in the news it was learned that Drake ordered him to "take him out." Another good example is Justin Beiber's bodyguard, who harassed a fan who was taking photos of Justin as he was surfing in Australia.

Also, why would someone agree to meet with someone and then change their mind all of a sudden? The flash in the Musician's eyes indicated to Ryan that he must have figured out that he had a modded implant, and thus decided to cancel the whole thing altogether. The cop in Ryan found the whole thing to be peculiar, and he decided to investigate. Maybe I can elaborate a bit more on that part towards the end when he finds out about the time machine. But I think it's a solid inciting moment in the story. You think they're going to sit down and have a nice chat but all of a sudden all hell breaks loose.

As for the music stealing, I know lots of musicians that know how to play Jimi Hendrix songs and they haven't become famous. Why? Because they lack the drive and time to create their own music. Imagine a musician that knows how to play Elvis Presley, Jim Morrison and John Lennon songs but can't find the time to create his own music because he's bogged down by work, and then imagine that musician building a time machine. If that person has bad morals, he could easily decide to go back in time and kill off the original creators, maybe learn their styles before doing so, then come back to the present and play their songs as his own. He would become a rock star overnight because he knew they were major hits in the past. He gets to be famous without doing any of the work.

[108 fountains]

When I read the first version of the story, since it was set in the future, I just assumed that something had happened in the course of future history that caused society to lose the music (and memory of the music) of the 20th century. That might possibly be a better track to take; could be something you mention in the opening paragraphs. Having The Musician "erase" Lennon and Elvis and Morrison from history seemed more far-fetched to me, since you would also have to erase the music of others they inspired.

[glennr25]

When I read the first version of the story, since it was set in the future, I just assumed that something had happened in the course of future history that caused society to lose the music (and memory of the music) of the 20th century. That might possibly be a better track to take; could be something you mention in the opening paragraphs. Having The Musician "erase" Lennon and Elvis and Morrison from history seemed more far-fetched to me, since you would also have to erase the music of others they inspired.

Hmm, I'll have to go through it again. Famous musicians didn't become famous overnight, either. They wrote songs and practiced them way before they ever got famous. So it's possible that the musician went back and watched them play live, studied them, then went back again and stole their music before they ever made it big.

[Calidore]

As for your critiques, I agree with most of them, and definitely will be doing more rewriting soon, except the one about the bodyguard going overboard on David and Ryan, and, also, the one where the Musician goes back in time and steals the music. There have been instances where bodyguards for celebrities tend to get a little out of hand with people. And it seems it's more a direct result of the celebrity and his own personality rather than it being the bodyguard's own choice. I remember reading about Drake's bodyguard sending a fan to the hospital at a night club because he kept bugging Drake for an autograph. Later in the news it was learned that Drake ordered him to "take him out." Another good example is Justin Beiber's bodyguard, who harassed a fan who was taking photos of Justin as he was surfing in Australia.


I know it does happen, but that's very much the exception rather than the rule. You know the mood you want to set, so your call there.


Also, why would someone agree to meet with someone and then change their mind all of a sudden? The flash in the Musician's eyes indicated to Ryan that he must have figured out that he had a modded implant, and thus decided to cancel the whole thing altogether. The cop in Ryan found the whole thing to be peculiar, and he decided to investigate. Maybe I can elaborate a bit more on that part towards the end when he finds out about the time machine. But I think it's a solid inciting moment in the story. You think they're going to sit down and have a nice chat but all of a sudden all hell breaks loose.

Your explanation makes sense, but more development would be good. It doesn't read now as if the Musician ever intended to sit down, and a simple flash doesn't tell us much. As one suggestion, you might get more mileage out of them having a conversation after all, both aware of each others' modded implants and the Musician's cockiness leading to a slip-up that baits the hook for Ryan.


As for the music stealing, I know lots of musicians that know how to play Jimi Hendrix songs and they haven't become famous. Why? Because they lack the drive and time to create their own music. Imagine a musician that knows how to play Elvis Presley, Jim Morrison and John Lennon songs but can't find the time to create his own music because he's bogged down by work, and then imagine that musician building a time machine. If that person has bad morals, he could easily decide to go back in time and kill off the original creators, maybe learn their styles before doing so, then come back to the present and play their songs as his own. He would become a rock star overnight because he knew they were major hits in the past. He gets to be famous without doing any of the work.

It takes a lot more than just knowing the songs and even the playing style. The most popular performers/actors/etc. have what's called the It Factor--a persona, charisma, what-have-you that's the major difference between playing open mics and having thousands of people screaming your name while dozens of women throw their underwear at you. The Musician can steal all the music and watch all the videos he wants, but he can't steal what made Elvis Elvis.

Though now that I think about it, there might be room for some irony there if you feel like exploring it: The Musician actually has that It Factor, hence his skyrocketing to fame, but doesn't know it; he thinks he has to steal the music, but that's what brings about his downfall.


When I read the first version of the story, since it was set in the future, I just assumed that something had happened in the course of future history that caused society to lose the music (and memory of the music) of the 20th century.

Funny, I thought exactly the same thing at first--that there had been some kind of cataclysm and this was a "reset" society.


That might possibly be a better track to take; could be something you mention in the opening paragraphs. Having The Musician "erase" Lennon and Elvis and Morrison from history seemed more far-fetched to me, since you would also have to erase the music of others they inspired.

This was my problem also. Musical influences spread like roots.


Hmm, I'll have to go through it again. Famous musicians didn't become famous overnight, either. They wrote songs and practiced them way before they ever got famous. So it's possible that the musician went back and watched them play live, studied them, then went back again and stole their music before they ever made it big.

This is another part of my problem. These careers are long, and the best stuff tends to come at the end. If he steals whatever Lennon had written in 1960, Lennon's Beatles and later solo music is never composed for him to steal in the first place.

Time travel has to be handled very carefully, especially when you have the past changing the present. Hence my earlier suggestion of him instead being from the future, stealing the best future musicians' best music, and playing that in the past. That approach would eliminate all these knots.

[glennr25]

I went ahead and changed it all up per your advice and fountains'. I added back story to Michelle in the beginning, elaborated more on the whole fight scene, took the turrets away from the security system, made the Badlands seem a bit more dangerous, added back story to Ryan (in his cop days), fixed up the whole thing about him getting an upgrade while the implant was still in his head, added a stakeout scene before they go into the house, and had the Musician reveal why he was doing what he was doing. All in all I added about 1000 words to the whole thing. Let me know what you think if you get a chance to read it again. Thanks again.

EDIT: Forgot the link! https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxWwFMqwH2E8TXkwREFzcWc1WEU/edit?usp=sharing

[glennr25]

Check out these two videos on augmented reality. Very cool stuff.

http://urlybits.com/2012/07/sight-a-scary-look-at-the-future-of-augmented-reality-implants-and-projects-like-google-glass/

http://vimeo.com/8569187

[Calidore]

That's a potentially interesting development you've added, having the bodyguard not actually working for the Musician. Unfortunately, since that development is never really developed (the Musician's "day job" doesn't figure into the story at all) all this does is add a lot of unnecessary expositional dialogue at the end. Plus, the "heart attack chip", life monitor, and need for manual resetting all introduce their own logistical problems, aside from contributing nothing. Finally, I hope you'll forgive my bluntness, but some of that expositional dialogue ("Do you go back in time when originality was at its finest and steal other people's music?") is pretty dire. Unless you want to go to the trouble of making all this an organic part of the story, I think you'd be better off reverting the Musician back to just being an a*****e.

Also, a heavily fortified, government-issue-security protected house that can be entered by anyone thinking "The Beatles?" Yikes. You don't even need to be reveal a specific password here; you've got enough tech involved to make the protection system and breaking-in process properly complex.

I've also thought of two questions regarding this story as a contest entry:

1) The word count is limited to 17,000. You are keeping track, I hope.

2) They check entries for plagiarism. Since you've posted this story online, they'll find it. Can you prove that [your real name], the submitter, is also glennr25, the original forum poster?

[glennr25]

You make some good points, Cal. I might reveal his day job early on in the story, when Ryan is talking to David about meeting him. Time Machine's act as a shield to anyone (or anything) that may be inside. So I think the timer is pretty accurate. You don't read stories about Time Machine's where the user gets younger or loses specific items (rifles or oxygen masks in A Sound of Thunder is a good example) by traveling to the past. So the timer being installed seems like a good way to keep the Musician from escaping the clutches of the government.

As for plagiarism, I have the original document with the date stamp. So that shouldn't be a problem. And yes I'm definitely keeping track of the word limit. Not many Science Fiction contests give a writer 17,000 word limits. Thankfully, I don't think I'll be going over that with this particular piece.

And don't think I'm not appreciative of the feedback you've provided on this piece. You and fountains went out of your way to read the story with each new revision. Your advice is a big reason why I've been able to keep coming back to it.

[Calidore]

Time Machine's act as a shield to anyone (or anything) that may be inside. So I think the timer is pretty accurate. You don't read stories about Time Machine's where the user gets younger or loses specific items (rifles or oxygen masks in A Sound of Thunder is a good example) by traveling to the past. So the timer being installed seems like a good way to keep the Musician from escaping the clutches of the government.

It's not just the timer. If he's under compulsion and has a time machine, seems to me the first thing he'd do is handle his immediate problem the way he's handling the artists he's stealing from. One quick trip and the heart chip and accessories etc. have never existed. Another for his bodyguard and/or the people he works for and/or the agency itself. Essentially, he can now go back and remove the need for this story. :)


And don't think I'm not appreciative of the feedback you've provided on this piece. You and fountains went out of your way to read the story with each new revision. Your advice is a big reason why I've been able to keep coming back to it.

No problem at all.

[glennr25]

Ahh, I see. I wasn't thinking about that! I'll have to look at other options then. Maybe elaborate more on how he got the implant installed. He could go back to try and stop the implant from ever being implanted, but would time allow such a thing to happen? Hmmm. It reminds me a lot of the situation in "A Sound of Thunder."

"But if you come back this morning in Time," said Eckels eagerly, you must've bumped into us, our Safari! How did it turn out? Was it successful? Did all of us get through-alive?"

Travis and Lesperance gave each other a look.

"That'd be a paradox," said the latter. "Time doesn't permit that sort of mess-a man meeting himself. When such occasions threaten, Time steps aside. Like an airplane hitting an air pocket. You felt the Machine jump just before we stopped? That was us passing ourselves on the way back to the Future. We saw nothing. There's no way of telling if this expedition was a success, if we got our monster, or whether all of us - meaning you, Mr. Eckels - got out alive."

That's the cool thing about Time Travel stories, and why they're some of my favorites (Back to the Future, Star Trek, Doctor Who, A Sound of Thunder, etc.). They all operate on different theories. Some stories are more scientific (A Sound of Thunder), while others (Back to the Future) are purely for entertainment. At the end of the day we really don't know if any of these things in Science Fiction can actually be done. But it opens up the mind to try and find the answers.

[Calidore]

Ahh, I see. I wasn't thinking about that! I'll have to look at other options then. Maybe elaborate more on how he got the implant installed. He could go back to try and stop the implant from ever being implanted, but would time allow such a thing to happen? Hmmm.

Well, whether time would allow it or not in this story is up to you, the author. The only rule is that it has to seem logical. Some stories have the future irrevocably altered by events in the past, some have events occur that bring time back on track, some will tie a neat four-dimensional knot. I don't know if you watch Doctor Who, but the third season of the new series had an episode called "Blink" that was a very well-done example of that last.

I'm going to caution you to step back for a minute, though. You've just added this new wrinkle to the story, and now you're talking about elaborating further on that addition. And this after adding a great deal else. Before you throw yet more words at this, you might ask yourself if it's necessary. I don't know if the whole compulsion thing was in your mind from the beginning, or if it's something you just thought of, but as it is it has no bearing on anything that actually happens anyway. I'm not saying that you shouldn't keep going with it if you really want to--again, you're the author--but I think you should go back to the meat of the story you want to tell and consider what's really necessary for that story first.

[glennr25]

Well, whether time would allow it or not in this story is up to you, the author. The only rule is that it has to seem logical. Some stories have the future irrevocably altered by events in the past, some have events occur that bring time back on track, some will tie a neat four-dimensional knot. I don't know if you watch Doctor Who, but the third season of the new series had an episode called "Blink" that was a very well-done example of that last.

I'm going to caution you to step back for a minute, though. You've just added this new wrinkle to the story, and now you're talking about elaborating further on that addition. And this after adding a great deal else. Before you throw yet more words at this, you might ask yourself if it's necessary. I don't know if the whole compulsion thing was in your mind from the beginning, or if it's something you just thought of, but as it is it has no bearing on anything that actually happens anyway. I'm not saying that you shouldn't keep going with it if you really want to--again, you're the author--but I think you should go back to the meat of the story you want to tell and consider what's really necessary for that story first.

Ahh yes, Blink is arguably my favorite Dr. Who episode. Sadly, I haven't gotten around to watching all the episodes. I need to start watching them again soon. Thank God for Netflix, right?

I like this new development much better than the last one. For one, it gives more purpose to the whole government security system. In the beginning you think it's to keep people from breaking into the house, but once you find out that the musician is actually a slave to the government, you realize that it isn't necessarily to keep people out, but, rather, to keep the musician in. Also, it allowed me to go into more depth on the time travel, and the severe consequences of him killing these musicians. The musician can't go back in time and kill the bodyguard, stop the chips from being installed, and help his younger self escape the government's clutches because it would prevent him from ever building the time machine in the first place. Same paradox applies if he tries to kill his father. If his father isn't there to force him to become a scientist it prevents him from building the time machine. Now, since he can't change his destiny, he figures out that his next best option is to go back and kill the musicians of the past, take their music, and return to the present. By doing this he indirectly causes himself to become a scientist, because being a musician in this alternate reality isn't really that prestigious a career. His father thus forces him to become a scientist because of this fact. This also leads to people having to install implants in their ear.

[Calidore]

Ahh yes, Blink is arguably my favorite Dr. Who episode. Sadly, I haven't gotten around to watching all the episodes. I need to start watching them again soon. Thank God for Netflix, right?

I like this new development much better than the last one. For one, it gives more purpose to the whole government security system. In the beginning you think it's to keep people from breaking into the house, but once you find out that the musician is actually a slave to the government, you realize that it isn't necessarily to keep people out, but, rather, to keep the musician in. Also, it allowed me to go into more depth on the time travel, and the severe consequences of him killing these musicians. The musician can't go back in time and kill the bodyguard, stop the chips from being installed, and help his younger self escape the government's clutches because it would prevent him from ever building the time machine in the first place. Same paradox applies if he tries to kill his father. If his father isn't there to force him to become a scientist it prevents him from building the time machine. Now, since he can't change his destiny, he figures out that his next best option is to go back and kill the musicians of the past, take their music, and return to the present. By doing this he indirectly causes himself to become a scientist, because being a musician in this alternate reality isn't really that prestigious a career. His father thus forces him to become a scientist because of this fact. This also leads to people having to install implants in their ear.

More interesting ideas, but I'm wondering how you're going to be able to give them the development they need and still keep under the contest word count limit. Remember, expository dialogue at the end doesn't count as development; that's just telling what happened, and you need to show it happening.

Above, you mention "the severe consequences of him killing these musicians." What are those severe consequences so far, except the Musician getting shot by Ryan?

I do get what you're saying about him not wanting to use the time machine to do anything that would erase the machine itself. I am having a little trouble parsing the cause-and-effect of the last few sentences above, starting with "he figures out that his next best option is to go back and kill the musicians of the past". Can you lay that out chronologically?

I do see potential for another irony here: In removing so much music celebrating freedom from the popular consciousness, he may have inadvertently helped create the kind of society and government that has now trapped him.

[glennr25]

More interesting ideas, but I'm wondering how you're going to be able to give them the development they need and still keep under the contest word count limit. Remember, expository dialogue at the end doesn't count as development; that's just telling what happened, and you need to show it happening.

Above, you mention "the severe consequences of him killing these musicians." What are those severe consequences so far, except the Musician getting shot by Ryan?

I do get what you're saying about him not wanting to use the time machine to do anything that would erase the machine itself. I am having a little trouble parsing the cause-and-effect of the last few sentences above, starting with "he figures out that his next best option is to go back and kill the musicians of the past". Can you lay that out chronologically?

I do see potential for another irony here: In removing so much music celebrating freedom from the popular consciousness, he may have inadvertently helped create the kind of society and government that has now trapped him.

Well, I guess I'm shooting for more of a twist ending on this piece since I decided to stay out of the musicians' head. I can't really show how he goes back in time because I keep him more or less in the shadows. You understand there's something not quite right in this world. Why do people need implants to enjoy music? Why is the musician so special? How can he create original music and others can't? How can he be a scientist and a rock god at the same time? Why is he bossed around by his bodyguard? Why is he surrounded by security meant for government facilities? Why is he wearing an antique watch in a world where watches are extinct? These are questions I give the reader early on in the story. Clues. So when the ending comes the reader isn't totally caught off guard. They can go back and connect the pieces themselves. The ending also does a good job of explaining the plot itself. This kind of literary technique has seen success in stories such as The Sixth Sense, when the audience finally finds out Bruce was dead the whole time. I don't think development on the musician is necessary since I made him out to be a mysterious figure. Him having no actual name is like an exclamation point to that fact. I believe the ending does a good job of explaining his actions. You need to feel for the antagonist and where he's coming from, that's why I believe this is a much better development than the original. The musician sees himself as the protagonist (victim) which allows him to do the horrible things he does.

I should have elaborated on him going back to kill famous musicians. Because this in itself would also be considered a paradox. If he kills musicians before they're famous how would he know about them to go back and kill them in the first place? The musician leaves a note to his past self, making sure that he gets it at the appropriate time. This note contains all the information he needs to go back in time and find the musicians once the Time Machine is built.

Yes! By him creating this world that is so dependent on technology, scientists are kept under the watchful eye of the government at all times. Very interesting.

I realized something else as I was reading the story over. When Ryan visits the Badlands, Hacker asks him if he's sticking to the "man," and Ryan replies "Not exactly." But in the end, by him killing the Musician and taking off in the Time Machine, he actually is sticking it to the man. The government is now short a very important scientist and a time machine as a result.