Life and Death in Your Eyes

[Dark Muse]

Life and Death in Your Eyes

There was death
within one of your eyes,
it was frightening
yet alluring,
a strange pristine beauty
which moved me to tears,
and grief ached in my heart
for its distance,
for the secrets it held,
so beyond reach
nothing can unravel
its tormented mystery.

But your other eye
was bursting with life,
it contained a whole universe
all of its own,
in which I would become
irredeemably lost,
it steals my breath away
and leaves me
racked in sublime
ecstasy.

I languish
within the crossroads
of your eyes,
they tear my soul
in different directions,
the need to preserve you
at all costs,
the need to burrow
myself into you
for sanctuary.

I dare not even speak
of the truth
and lies
upon your lips
that send me
reeling through
the cosmos.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

Ok! To look for life into eyes or from two different corners, this is the imagery can be held or never can be held according to the opportunity we imagine, that's the poet soul contains contradictory emotions, half of his soul is weak another is strong, undergoing always into his imagination

[Lykren]

Your forthrightness is admirable, but it is marred by cliche, e.g. "steals my breath away". There are also grammatical errors. Here,

"But your other eye
was bursting with life,
it contained a whole universe
all of its own,
of which I would become
irredeemably lost,"

'of which' is incorrect; I think you mean 'in which', right? Also, talking about your soul being torn is not very evocative language. It's so melodramatic and abstract that it doesn't really give the reader a chance to empathize with and relate to the narrator.

These are just my thoughts. Please keep writing!

[MANICHAEAN]

Hi Dark Muse. I don't normally read the poetry section but yours caught my eye,(excuse the weak pun) for some reason. I like the theme and the structure. To me it conveys an untruthful, deceptive, superficial man taking advantage of a woman's feelings. Well done.
Best regards
M.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you very much, I appreciate your comments and insights.