In Dreams

[munkinhead]

I dreamed that I was drowning
and that you were the air
I dreamed that I could reach you
In dreams love can be fair

I dreamed I was the ocean
intent upon the shore
I dreamed that you were near and
I could touch you just once more

I dreamed that you were sailing
as I cupped you in my hand
I dreamed that I could stop you
from stepping onto land

I dreamed you were a river
returning home to me
but I know I am the river
and I know you are the sea

[Jerrybaldy]

Lovely. For some reason I would have preferred past tense in the closing two lines. Just for closure. But it's very good either way M .

[Jerrybaldy]

I don't enjoy reading poetry that much. Rhyming poetry even less so. The vast majority of it is crap. Including my own of course. But I can say with complete honesty I always enjoy reading you. I should have a perfect analysis right now of why that is. But I don't.

[AuntShecky]

The closing couplet is the best part of this piece.

[Delta40]

The poem is simple, honest and really effective as a consequence. That's why the rhyme works well. Very enjoyable read Munkinhead!

[Jack of Hearts]

Sorry M. Finally, after all these years, you threw one that this reader couldn't get on board with. This reader feels that the best parts of this are sabotaged by rhyme and stumbling rhythm. It feels overly 'tight' when it scans properly, and as an unkind side effect, this shows the holes all the more.

But you're one of our best, regardless of what Jack of Hearts' thinks about this particular poem.







J

[munkinhead]

Thanks for the reads and such.
Maybe it should be only the last verse.
I can see how that might work.
I am certainly not one of the best here.
I am a work in minute progress.

[Jerrybaldy]

You certainly are one of the best on here.. for the record :)