Biggus
02-21-2014, 06:58 AM
ARE YOU WEARING PINCE NEZ?
Are you wearing pince nez?
Do I think they suit you? In truth no
As you’re a thirty four stone woman
Who is never going to look like Poirot
TO THOSE WHO LOOTED
To those who looted electrical goods during rioting,
A Police press conference announced today
Should be aware of the consequences so remember this
The one year manufacturer's warranty runs out in May
WE USED TO EAT A LOT OF RICE
We used to eat a lot of rice
When I was a boy, no kidding
But never for our dinner, we had it
With condensed milk for pudding
HORSEY CLAIRE BALDING
Horsey Claire Balding
Is always with a nag
I think she looks like
Stephen Fry in drag
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 314
What are little boys made of?
Snips and Snails
And puppy dogs tails?
Not bloody likely
I WORK IN AN OFFICE THAT’S SO QUIET
I work in an office that’s so quiet
I suggested without misgiving
That we should all join hands
In order to contact the living
DEAR MR CADBURY
Dear Mr Cadbury I would like to say in my view
That to find Someone, Is something of a coup
Who enjoys a chocolate finger as much as I do
PUT DOWN # 51
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he starts spinning you a line
Say to him if boredom persists
"The fact that no one understands you
Doesn’t mean that you're an artist."
MY SATNAV IS WORSE THAN MY WIFE
My satnav is worse than my wife
Telling me how to drive
If the limits thirty miles an hour
It nags me I’m doing thirty five
ARE YOU WEARING ANGEL’S WINGS?
Are you wearing angel’s wings?
As someone’s special surprise
I hope you’re not too angelic
And you’re a Devil in disguise
Are you wearing pince nez?
Do I think they suit you? In truth no
As you’re a thirty four stone woman
Who is never going to look like Poirot
TO THOSE WHO LOOTED
To those who looted electrical goods during rioting,
A Police press conference announced today
Should be aware of the consequences so remember this
The one year manufacturer's warranty runs out in May
WE USED TO EAT A LOT OF RICE
We used to eat a lot of rice
When I was a boy, no kidding
But never for our dinner, we had it
With condensed milk for pudding
HORSEY CLAIRE BALDING
Horsey Claire Balding
Is always with a nag
I think she looks like
Stephen Fry in drag
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 314
What are little boys made of?
Snips and Snails
And puppy dogs tails?
Not bloody likely
I WORK IN AN OFFICE THAT’S SO QUIET
I work in an office that’s so quiet
I suggested without misgiving
That we should all join hands
In order to contact the living
DEAR MR CADBURY
Dear Mr Cadbury I would like to say in my view
That to find Someone, Is something of a coup
Who enjoys a chocolate finger as much as I do
PUT DOWN # 51
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he starts spinning you a line
Say to him if boredom persists
"The fact that no one understands you
Doesn’t mean that you're an artist."
MY SATNAV IS WORSE THAN MY WIFE
My satnav is worse than my wife
Telling me how to drive
If the limits thirty miles an hour
It nags me I’m doing thirty five
ARE YOU WEARING ANGEL’S WINGS?
Are you wearing angel’s wings?
As someone’s special surprise
I hope you’re not too angelic
And you’re a Devil in disguise