Draftee

[munkinhead]

In the war on women
I will not take up arms.
Don't think they are defenseless,
there's a stiletto in their charms.

It's been a long insurgency and,
for those still keeping score,
if they've lost a battle
they've never lost a war.

Most men love their mothers
and some men love their wives
but some just love excuses
for f***ing up their lives.

The experts all seem to agree
we need a little touch
but, like a fig leaf in the garden,
it doesn't cover much.

[dara.cv]

This is a personally favored subject for me. You bring a lightheartedness to a harsh topic by the rhythm which is easy on the reader.

You also skim over the surface of the "war on women" by your broadness making this poem seem like an brief introduction needing further discussion, but then again you set yourself up this way with the opening line :
"In the war on women
I will not take up arms.
Don't think they are defenseless,
there's a stiletto in their charms.

With your closing line Im confused by your intent on needing a little touch. This coupled with the fig leaf reference, seems like a under-sexualization of women, which I would disagree with. Could be totally reading that wrong.

[blank|verse]

Great opening line, munkin, to a poem that’s not so much about the battle of the sexes but rather some men’s bad attitude towards women. It’s a sensitive issue to tackle, and I wonder if the mention of ‘stilettos’ is a bit of a stereotype, for all its good intentions.

The loose ballad form is well-handled, but, like dara.cv, I’m not entirely sure what’s being said in the final stanza. The Biblical allusion is unfortunate as well; Christianity, of course, lays the blame of man’s fall squarely at the feet of Eve, and therefore all women, for listening to a talking snake – not to mention its explanation for where Eve came from in the first place. Perhaps it would be better to think of a different, less problematic simile in context.

However, the poem’s sentiments are laudable, and ones which any right-thinking man couldn’t help but agree with, so I don’t want to be too critical.

[108 fountains]

I really enjoyed this very much, Munkinhead. The third verse is really an unforgettable lyric. A verse like that would be memorable if written in a literary forum on poetry or if scrawled on the wall of a public restroom.
The last line made me laugh out loud!

[Jerrybaldy]

I enjoy everything you write Munkinhead. This is no exception. I am of the wrong sex to crusade with you but you are without a doubt one of my favourite writers on here.

[munkinhead]

Thanks all. Dara, it can't be over broad.
It is cross-cultural and cuts through every religion.
I wasn't picking on the Judeo-Christian-Muslim ethic per se.
Although, if there is a god I hope "He" is keeping score.
It would serve some of us right. Artistic convention brought
us the infamous fig leaf in the garden motif. It seems that
there are some divisions, and stereotypes, that are not
easily overcome by the necessity of sexual detente.
BV, it is mostly stereotype. Arms, stilettos, the girl back home,
the girl that can take a punch, blame, sexual taboo, and
wives that can't quite be as good as Mom (remember Mom?) all
rear their ugly heads. There is more but it is a short poem.
It doesn't cover much. POV JB, POV.

[Jerrybaldy]

Point of view? Thought I accepted that?

[munkinhead]

Indeed
Point of view? Thought I accepted that?

[AuntShecky]

This is a light-hearted take on the aged-old and perpetually-waged war of the sexes. It does a fairly good job of retaining the central metaphor-- "insurgency", etc. I particularly liked the last two quatrains and of course, the self-deprecating closing punchline.

My only criticism is rhyming "arms" and "charms" -- used too many times before.

Auntie