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View Full Version : The Place .. A very, very short story about love.



Neil Hotson
02-15-2014, 09:07 AM
"Is this it."

"Brown then Dovey... yes, this is it darling."

"I like it Tom, I like the trees and the hedge. It doesn't matter Tom, who goes first.. does it ?"

"I wish we could go together, some do, within days."

"Tom, I'd like to say something now. Is that all right ?"

"It's always all right."

"I want to say now, in case we have less time than we think. I didn't love you at first Tom, it was only after June was born I knew it, that I loved you. Do you mind ?"

"No"

"Tom, do you mind ?"

"Mary I was in love with you then and still am. You were all I ever wanted in life, I'm a lucky man, my God so lucky."

"But did I give you enough Tom, in return, all those years you gave to me ?"

"Every day I longed for your survival, every day I prayed for you to wake up in the morning. You breathed so lightly some nights I would place my fingers next to your lips to check. I didn't want you to leave me, I did not need anything, nothing except your company."

"Oh Tom, can't we go together ?"

"We go naturally, we're not doing that suicide stuff it's bloody vile. We were given these lives and we will cherish them to the end."

"I didn't mean suicide Tom, it's just that it would be nice to go at the same time wouldn't it ?"

"It would."

"Tom"

"Yes, Mary."

"I love you."

108 fountains
02-16-2014, 09:12 AM
I like it a lot, Neil. I like having the entire thing in dialogue, and I like that the dialogue sounds genuine. There is a lot in the relationship between the two people that is left unsaid, but what is said is just enough. I like the subtlety.
One thing though - you need to put a question mark at the end of the first sentence.

Neil Hotson
02-16-2014, 11:19 AM
Great, thanks.