United Within

[MissionTech]

First off, I just want to say thank you for taking the time to read and critique my poem. I VERY much appreciate it honestly. You have really great advice!


United Within

Continents divided by limitless sea
Cultures isolated for thousands of years
Thousands of unique languages
Millions of different lifestyles
Yet there is one thing that we all share
we are all together
venture to the edge of the world
a smile is always the same
there is only one kind of people
all of which should be treated equally
and of them is you

[virtuoso]

Remember to use punctuation and/or capitalization when you go from one idea or statement to another one. "Venture to the edge of the world"/a smile is always the same". "There is only one kind of people"/all of which should be treated equally"/ "and of them is you".

On the content, I would say that your thesis is vague. In the last line, you say, "There is only one kind of people". You need something a little more specific. What gives the peoples of the world an affinity or a symmetry? In the first part of the poem, you detail all of the differences, which make the peoples of the world unique, but in the last part, you give a bland, general statement that we are one and the same.