eternal

[cacian]

today the secenery of air
is a beautiful rare

the sun is out
shinning rays
of may

the wind blows lingers
slightly
then freeze to a breeze
magic is wease

and the sky blue
scatters in clouds
that flew
whimsical and slew

the atmosphere to savour
is new
flowers open up a show
of mosaic blow
intricate with croset strow

red and yellow flow
pedantic of a moment slow
they cause to woe

green and blue throw inifnite
silicons of glow
paysage is a painted Gauguin pro

and purple and grey shimmer in the
rain
the hay of low
stacks play
roll down the hill lane
envisage a pane pretty insane

I estimate time an image
with a distance
trivials but
with beauty symbols
an affection for life
it breaths it to rise
dawn to an everyday tawn
without it it's gawn

[PeterL]

It is good that the day painted itself better than Gaugin could have done. But I wish that the croset strow hadn't gotten tangled in it.

[cacian]

It is good that the day painted itself better than Gaugin could have done. But I wish that the croset strow hadn't gotten tangled in it.

the croset strow? why not?

[Mohammad Ahmad]

today the secenery of air
is a beautiful rare

the sun is out
shinning rays
of may

the wind blows lingers
slighty
then freeze to a breeze
magic is wease

and the sky blue
scatters in clouds
that flew
Just I focus on this stanza to find out errors in grammar and spelling, and I will state as questions:
1- Is it acceptable on grammar to follow two (S form) verbs directly one after another as in the phrase ( wind blows lingers)? I think in normal English the followed verb must be either ing form or it will be Adv as ( wind blows lingering) or ( wind blows lingeringly ).
2- The spelling of ( slighty) is wrong, and the correct is slight ( adj ) or slightly ( adv).
3- secenery \\ weases ? I think scenery = view \ vista etc...
4-Now I want to ask this question:
As you discussed in previous post the ( Poetic Licences) as you said the poet after he finished his poem, shall go to do shift in grammar in order to enjoy his readers.
Is this which I consider faulting in grammar is what you call the poetic Licence? Just I want to know!

[cacian]

1- Is it acceptable on grammar to follow 2 S form verbs directly one after another as in the phrase ( wind blows lingers)? I think the normal English the followed verb must be either ing form or it will be Adv as ( wind blows lingering) or ( wind blows lingeringly ).

I do not know if it is acceptable.
two verbs following each other should be permissible in poetry.
wease is short for weasel.


As you discussed in previous post the ( Poetic Licences) as you said the poet after he finished his poem, shall go to do shift in grammar in order to enjoy his readers.
Is this which I consider faulting in grammar is what you call the poetic Licence? Just I want to know!
.

I never mentioned grammar in Poetic Licence.
what I understood by PC is the idea that one shifts from the traditional writing and onto a less composed writing.
I may well be wrong because I do not claim to understand fully what PC is about.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

Here it is:
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?77983-Poetic-Licence&p=1251260#post1251260
page 2: If you sit down now and write some poetry, and choose to bend the rules of grammar - for effect - you will be using poetic licence.
My current internet is bad and it has frequently cut off so I return to say:
For me even if the matter is poetry but I think, to stick on the minimum grammar rules, is considerable.
Furthermore, I think two followed s form verbs is abnormal, and as I read ( the verbs sequence) in many British grammar books , American grammar books, and many significant poems for famous poets, I didn't see two directly followed s form verbs yet.
Again it is just idea I want to ask about.

[cacian]

I did not bend the rule for effect I just wrote following my instinct. it is not perfect but it is not done for the purpose of PL.
about two verbs following each other I think it is permissible you can say
I look and watch I like to follow the lot.
I think this is a fine sentence.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

I did not bend the rule for effect I just wrote following my instinct. it is not perfect but it is not done for the purpose of PL.
about two verbs following each other I think it is permissible you can say
I look and watch I like to follow the lot.
I think this is a fine sentence.
Yes in this context is already, because you put "and"
But for example, to say, He receives accepts his manner is right...
Oh! Cacian, I think I disturb you because my many questions and notes.
I wish you forgave me! I am going to sleep, my current website is as if "blue in the face"!

[PeterL]

the croset strow? why not?

Why not!? Because I couldn't figure out what it is. That's why. :)

[cacian]

Why not!? Because I couldn't figure out what it is. That's why. :)

Oh I am sorry I did not understand what you meant.
a croset is just a pattern made by using crochet. do you know it?
strow from strew means thrown randomly or without a specific order and so
''a croset strow''
means a pattern put together but with random sequences. this means the croset is patterned in such a way each sequence is different from the next each and everytime.
hence its mosaic context it is even better when the pattern is unrepetitive but random. does that make sense?
the general purpose of mosaic is to sequence billions of patterns that are different and never alike.

[cacian]

Yes in this context is already, because you put "and"
But for example, to say, He receives accepts his manner is right...
Oh! Cacian, I think I disturb you because my many questions and notes.
I wish you forgave me! I am going to sleep, my current website is as if "blue in the face"!

sure but that 'and' was there although not put in words it is in mind.

[PeterL]

Oh I am sorry I did not understand what you meant.
a croset is just a pattern made by using crochet. do you know it?
strow from strew means thrown randomly or without a specific order and so
''a croset strow''
means a pattern put together but with random sequences. this means the croset is patterned in such a way each sequence is different from the next each and everytime.
hence its mosaic context it is even better when the pattern is unrepetitive but random. does that make sense?
the general purpose of mosaic is to sequence billions of patterns that are different and never alike.

Great! I know almost nothing about crocheting, but that makes sense. That spelling doesn't show up in the online dictionary I use; the closest word is "crossette". "Strow" is fine.

The endless apparent randomness of the world makes perfect sense.

[miyako73]

My God, Cacian, this is great. Where have you been hiding this? Study what you did differently on this one, and that is your voice, your style. "Gawn" is actually a word... hehehehe. :)

[PeterL]

The stones measure the distance
The trivias show the options
The colors play along the trail
Gray iridescence on grass
The mourning mist, dew unrisen


The terminator brings a breath
As it passes and the day does break.
Birds celebrate. They beat the Sun up.
Seemingly random glints flash from
Drops refracting iridescence

The world appears from deep shadows
Time rose from timeless, day from dark.