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View Full Version : Alice in Wonderland - My love story



curiousresearch
01-11-2014, 03:51 AM
Growing up Alice learned of Wonderland through movies and books. She dreams to go there herself someday when she grows up. One day when she finally goes there, everything will be perfect and her life will be wonderful with a happy ending like in the movies. As time goes by, dreaming of Wonderland isn’t enough anymore. Alice says goodbye to her warm cozy house and her childhood friends to venture into the unknown with a heart filled with excitement and hopes as her travel companion.

After months or even years of walking aimlessly, she loses track of time and becomes very exhausted, hungry and thirsty. At some point she has lost all hopes of ever finding such a place. Then one day when she is about to turn around to go back home, she looks up and sees a beautiful oasis miles away. Her heart beats faster as she cannot believe in her own eyes. She found it finally. As she walks closer to the beautiful place, she gets more excited and forgets all the pain she went through while searching for Wonderland. She arrives at the gate, she didn’t expect to see a gate, but yes there is a beautiful white gate with water fountains and statues of angels on both sides. Behind the gate, there are houses, buildings, trees, stores , and flowers in all sorts of colors. As she is about to walk through the gate, Alice hears music and sees a beautiful boat floating in the air approaching her. A God-like angel steps out of the boat and walks to her with the warmest smiles that could melt the Antarctica ice. That is the lord of Wonderland. He hugs her tightly and welcomes her to Wonderland.

The lord of Wonderland then tells Alice that he is so glad she is finally here and he wants to be with her more than anything in the world, but in order to come into his kingdom, she must prove to him that she is worthy and must pledge her loyalty to him. Of course Alice agrees to it immediately because there is nothing else she wants more than being admitted to Wonderland. So the lord sets up a little hut for her outside the gate. All she is required to do is to wait there and do nothing else until the lord tells her to come in. He says he will provide food and water during her probation period. Fair and easy enough. So she thought.

The first two days are great. The lord brings her everything she ever needs. He even spends time with her talking about many different things. Her puppy dog's eyes are watery when she thinks about him. He is perfect. This place is perfect. She is so happy. There is nowhere else she would rather be.

The lord of Wonderland doesn’t show up the next day and several days after that. Alice waits for him hopelessly. She is lonely, hungry and thirsty. She doesn’t know when he will come back or if he will come back at all and if he has forgotten about her. She starts to go out of the hut to find food just to survive the wait. She doesn’t know the lord’s angels are watching her. She doesn’t realize that by trying to cope with the circumstance, she just violates the agreement she has made with the lord. The lord isn’t too happy about Alice’s behaviors. He comes out less and brings her even less food and water each time. Alice still waits for him outside the gate wondering what is going on and why he is treating her like this. To avoid going insane and starving to death, she must continue leaving the hut to find food to survive. The more she does that, the more the angels and the lord aren’t happy with her. She realizes her dilemma and starts to blame herself for needing more than the little food the lord is willing to give her. She even seriously considers the option to starve herself to death as long as she can make the lord happy this way. The pain she now experiences is worse than the pain she dealt with while searching for Wonderland. Back then there was still hope and there was no constant emotional pain of dealing with this dilemma.

In her last attempt to make it into Wonderland, Alice tries to make the lord understand where she is coming from and begs him to consider giving her a little more food so she will still be hungry but at least she won’t starve to death while waiting for the next batch of supplies. The lord just laughs and leaves her there. Before he disappears back into the wonderful breathtaking Wonderland, he stops for a second, looks at Alice and says “Darling, I don't see why you are hungry but as long as you go out hunting for food, I am not going to give you the food you need because you are not showing me your loyalty.”

Her heart broke. Is this really the wonderland she dreamed about since she was a little girl? Is this Wonderland really desirable like she once believed? She didn’t know Wonderland is guarded by such a petty and mean spirited creature. Should she just walk away from all this? Apparently staying in a hut outside the gate isn’t ideal. She could be attacked by an animal any time and the lord certainly wouldn’t care. If he did, he would have reached out to her and met her half way. He walked out on her. There is nothing left to hope for. Alice gathers the pieces of her broken heart and leaves the wonderland where she never gets to even set foot on. Wonderland is just a dreamland that only exists in her dreams. So it’s best just to let it be in the dreams. She realizes, after all, reality is the most beautiful place. Reality doesn’t disappoint her because it is up to her to live her reality and make it the way she wants it to be.

PS: I apologize for the bad writing. English isn't my native language and this is my first draft. I wrote this after a couple of hours crying hysterically over someone who apparently doesn't own Wonderland.

cheyrn
01-20-2014, 01:19 AM
It looks like I am making a lot of criticism of your wording, but your English is not bad, I think.

I'm not sure if Wonderland is an analogy or not. If it is, I didn't get it. It almost reminds me of the garden of eden story. But, I still don't get it.

The main event is that the lord of wonderland wants her to stay in a hut and do nothing while he feeds her. Is it supposed to be like she is a pet?

Alice decides to go to wonderland by going on a walkabout? It might be a good idea to give some sort of reason why she thinks that is how she will get to wonderland.

There are couple of analogies that I'm not sure about:

Puppy dog's eyes might not be the right image for a young girl. Not kittens eyes either. I'm not sure. Maybe it is okay.
She gathers pieces of her heart is good, but it seems slightly out of place, because there aren't similar types of analogies made earlier. So, maybe it would be a good idea to put more analogies of that sort elsewhere in the story.

English:

It sometimes seems strange that the story is using modern day language instead of language similar to that in Alice and Wonderland. It might make sense to explicitly point out that it's a long time afterward and very different from that time.

My wording might not express what you want to, so consider that the alternative I give might not be what you want.

"She dreams to go there" - She dreams of going there
"One day when she finally goes there" - One day when she finally does
"believe in my eyes" - believe my eyes
"come into" - enter
"she just violates the agreement" - she has violated the agreement
"go out of the hut" - leave the hut
"behaviors" - behavior
"aren't happy with her" - are unhappy with her
"into the wonderful breathtaking Wonderland" - into Wonderland or ... "wonderland" means wonderful land or land of wonder. So, not wonderful Wonderland. "breathtaking" is out of context. Two things meaning good might be redundant
"make the lord understand where she is coming from" - where she is coming from is a colloquialism that is out of place. So, either use similar colloquialisms through out, or don't use it. "make the lord understand her distress"
"the wonderland where she never gets to even set foot on" - Alice gathers the pieces of her broken heart and leaves. Sad that she never even got to Wonderland.
"Wonderland is just a dreamland that only exists in her dreams. So it's best just to let it be in the dreams" - Wonderland only exists in her dreams and that that is for the best
"reality" - Finally, she realizes that she can make the life she wants in the world she lives in and decides that it is more beautiful than her dream, after all.

I hope that even though the person that made you cry didn't own Wonderland, that some sort of arrangement can be made with the owner, so that you and your associate can be granted access from time to time.

108 fountains
01-20-2014, 10:15 AM
I think you have the outlines of a very nice story here. I enjoy how you leave it up to the reader to interpret things. To me, especially drawing a hint from the title, Wonderland is that place in a romance where love between two people becomes sublime. In the story, the lord of Wonderland is willing to give Alice food, but not enough food to survive; to me, the food symbolizes love - the lord is just not willing to give Alice enough of it, so she must search for it in other places, which of course, upsets the lord. My interpretation may be way off base, but that's how I read it anyway.
It needs work, of course, being a first draft. I would suggest adding a little more dialogue between the lord and Alice, and just going through it a few more times, correcting errors and making improvements as you go.