Gracy's Revival

[Game]

Gracy held her baby tightly to her chest, the flurry of emotions she was undertaking wasn’t something describable. Breaths came and went, slightly faster, slightly thinner every time. A tear trickled and hit the ground with a splash that could stun an ant, but do nothing more. Gracy started to tremble, her hands shaking not from what she’s about to do, not from the fear of the inevitable; but from what’ll happen after she’s gone.

The naked baby lay on the dirty sofa, wrapped in the only piece of clean fabric in the entire household. She looked at the baby one last time before picking up the revolver her husband leaves home, just in case. A moment before she presses the end-all, a brief wind passes through the door and makes her fingers freeze up.

The baby just stayed still, sleeping in a comfortable position amidst the mess. The air doesn’t seem to flow out, or in, or anywhere.
Gracy’s finger twitched in a jerk-like movement, and in the slightest millisecond before the bullet reached the gruesome destination, a feeling crept in, and was killed as quickly as it came.

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I'd love to hear some opinions, especially critiques. Thanks :smile5:

[AuntShecky]

It's okay to take a risk and certainly okay to fail. But if you want to learn how to do it right, read David Foster Wallace's "Incarnations of Burned Children."

You also might want to brush up on fundamental writing skills, the equivalent of what baseball commentators call the "fundies." For instance, maintaining consistency in your tenses, and avoiding clichés, such as the glaring one in the first sentence, " a flurry of emotions."