A serpent hiss

[Mohammad Ahmad]

A serpent hiss

An evening of winter I was grassing my fold
A snowy day and I am cold
I picked some mushroom to do a quick meal
Suddenly I heard a sound came from the ceil
It swooped down twisting its tail
It is a serpent of a tow meters tall.
I waited for a while to bring me a torch
I gathered some of hays and do a scorch
I do call my friend to help me
Time is late and no one perhaps can see
Not far away there is a blind horse
The horse was frightened from its "hiss"
The horse neighs and the serpent fears

[cacian]

hi Mohammad is this a real life poem?
a blind horse? what does this mean?

[miyako73]

Try writing a short story. Explore yourself in your poetry. What a waste of heart and senses! You're in Iraq, and this is the kind of stuff you compose? Feel the air or hear the laughter of a half-naked child or smell the perfume of an old veiled woman or see the faces behind dust or taste the juice of rotting pomegranates.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

hi Mohammad is this a real life poem?
a blind horse? what does this mean?
Oh! Good! It is too nice for me to describe something as a blind horse or as a blind thought! So that and perhaps I can keep away from lashed criticism.
To lose a part of sensation for example the sense of sighting it is by no means of lost feeling, it maybe other organs will compensate. I admit to this horse a symbol of free locomotion to have the human being sentiment or something I realized into my heart.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

Try writing a short story. Explore yourself in your poetry. What a waste of heart and senses! You're in Iraq, and this is the kind of stuff you compose? Feel the air or hear the laughter of a half-naked child or smell the perfume of an old veiled woman or see the faces behind dust or taste the juice of rotting pomegranates.
I wrote many and many poems about my country carrying applicably the themes of nationalism and enthusiasm. I described my nation, the nature of my homeland, the source of love in my country but it seems to me someone at somewhere isn’t too long infatuated to read the cultures of other than to read his own. Sorry to say that, but it is just thought held up to my mind. Many translated Arabic poems I posted in this forum, it is obvious no one correctly read them especially the last post (The neoclassical Arab poetry) which it is associated with six very significant translated poems.
2- Poet wouldn't really pertain to compose poems discussing love, or mere sentiments, passion and so on. Why do we not call for the narrative poetry? Why do we not describe something of our affairs within the margin of poetry?
Narrative or description as I think it is a poetry theme and if not I shall comply with it into my poetry.
Poetry itself is a type of philosophy carries wisdom or thought and it maybe one line of poetry affects more than short story containing two pages or more.

[miyako73]

In poetry, you don't just write. You also paint with words. I think this poem can be best written as a short story. It has all the elements of short fiction. You even have the horse for a hero and the snake for a villain.

Here's an example by Al-Raddi:

"I let my head
listen to the myth,
to all sides praising each other.
And I shout at the winds from the top of a mountain.

Why does my tongue tell me to climb this far?
What is the distance between my voice and my longing?
What is there?"

You feel the words. you don't just read them.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

In poetry, you don't just write. You also paint with words. I think this poem can be best written as a short story. It has all the elements of short fiction. You even have the horse for a hero and the snake for a villain.

Here's an example by Al-Raddi:

"I let my head
listen to the myth,
to all sides praising each other.
And I shout at the winds from the top of a mountain.

Why does my tongue tell me to climb this far?
What is the distance between my voice and my longing?
What is there?"

You feel the words. you don't just read them.
Million thanks for your sweet words, and at least I would like to thank you for your understanding to my thoughts. Clever pal!
Indeed, I know, it can be written as a short story due to the elements you really have referred to them.
Moreover, I am the writer of short stories whether in Arabic or in English.

However, something let me discus briefly:
Why doesn’t poetry can be used to explain or to include the narration?
I think it is possible as so far the matter is applicable into Arabic poetry.
Is the English poetry dedicated only to discuss passions of lovers and so on?
This is the point I want to ask about