thewriter9813
01-05-2014, 07:11 AM
hi guys. I'm trying to see what people really think of my stories and so I would love for people to comment what they think. thanks :D
The music was loud, echoing around the room. A band, whose name I don’t know, was playing on the stage to a rock and roll song. The stage was highlighted by the light, while groups of friends crowded around tables in the shadows with wild laughter surrounding them. Couples were dancing in the centre of the room to the beat of the music and flashing coloured lights danced across the walls and floors. The colour was vibrant and dazzling and, in my plain black dress and grandmother’s opal necklace, I felt underdressed. Young girls, crowding around clusters of young men, were wearing ruby red mini dresses with a fanatical amount of necklaces and jewels. Sitting at the bar, waiting for my drink, I spotted a lone figure against the wall. He looked young and, even at this distance, I knew he was tall. I watched him from my seat, drinking my vodka laced coke. He stood, like a statue, looking over the crowd and I wonder for a second if he was bouncer. Still sipping my drink I pondered over going over to him and when a large group of guys cluttered around me, with girls practically drooling on their and my lap, I made my decision. Leaving whatever was left in my drink I wondered over to him squeezing past dancing figures and overflowing tables. I staggered a couple of times from being pushed and prodded, rather than being drunk. As I neared the man I could make out more of his features. He had short black hair and dazzling blue eyes. In his eyebrow and lower lip were piercings. He was wearing a heavy metal band t-shirt that was snug and low rider jeans. The t-shirt outlined his bulky muscles and his arms were thoroughly built. As I approached he turned his head from the crowd. His eyes skidded over me and a friendly smile crossed his face. Then he was heading into the shadows. I looked around to see if anyone was watching and then stood pondering on whether I should follow. It took a few minutes before curiosity took hold and I went into the shadows of a corridor, looking for him. It didn’t take long, he was the only person here standing next to a cleaners closet. I went up to him and he introduced himself “hi, my name is Cole”
“Samantha” I replied.
“Shouldn’t you be out with friends Samantha, not on your own?” I contemplated what to tell him and thought of no reason to lie. “I was meant to be out with some new people I met but it turns out they ditched me, as expected.” Cole frowned, actually looking concerned for me. “Does that mean your left all alone?” he said then with a small laugh to his words. I was starting to feel uncomfortable and turned to leave when he said “I wouldn’t go back if I were you?” I turned to see a small, red pocket knife in his hand. It glistened against the moon light coming from the overhead windows. I whimpered as he held it out towards me and shoved me against the wall. I went to scream when a hand covered my mouth and a pressure on my neck, made me realise the knife was there. “No screaming, it’s bad for your safety” and he released his hand.
“Being here with you is bad for my safety” I replied, dripping venom in my tone. He just laughed and said “hope God Forgave you, because the devil is cold person to live with” and with that the knife was propel led into my chest. I gave a gargling scream that didn’t go anyway and hit the floor. Blood was everywhere and the knife protruding from me chest was shoved just over hilt deep. As I lay against the floor trying to pull in deep breathes I realise two things. Cole, if that was his real name, had left and I didn’t tell any of my true friends where I was. A bloodied cough racked through my chest and then the world went black. I felt blood trickle down my chin and images of my life, like a story, flash before my eyes and then there was nothing.
The music was loud, echoing around the room. A band, whose name I don’t know, was playing on the stage to a rock and roll song. The stage was highlighted by the light, while groups of friends crowded around tables in the shadows with wild laughter surrounding them. Couples were dancing in the centre of the room to the beat of the music and flashing coloured lights danced across the walls and floors. The colour was vibrant and dazzling and, in my plain black dress and grandmother’s opal necklace, I felt underdressed. Young girls, crowding around clusters of young men, were wearing ruby red mini dresses with a fanatical amount of necklaces and jewels. Sitting at the bar, waiting for my drink, I spotted a lone figure against the wall. He looked young and, even at this distance, I knew he was tall. I watched him from my seat, drinking my vodka laced coke. He stood, like a statue, looking over the crowd and I wonder for a second if he was bouncer. Still sipping my drink I pondered over going over to him and when a large group of guys cluttered around me, with girls practically drooling on their and my lap, I made my decision. Leaving whatever was left in my drink I wondered over to him squeezing past dancing figures and overflowing tables. I staggered a couple of times from being pushed and prodded, rather than being drunk. As I neared the man I could make out more of his features. He had short black hair and dazzling blue eyes. In his eyebrow and lower lip were piercings. He was wearing a heavy metal band t-shirt that was snug and low rider jeans. The t-shirt outlined his bulky muscles and his arms were thoroughly built. As I approached he turned his head from the crowd. His eyes skidded over me and a friendly smile crossed his face. Then he was heading into the shadows. I looked around to see if anyone was watching and then stood pondering on whether I should follow. It took a few minutes before curiosity took hold and I went into the shadows of a corridor, looking for him. It didn’t take long, he was the only person here standing next to a cleaners closet. I went up to him and he introduced himself “hi, my name is Cole”
“Samantha” I replied.
“Shouldn’t you be out with friends Samantha, not on your own?” I contemplated what to tell him and thought of no reason to lie. “I was meant to be out with some new people I met but it turns out they ditched me, as expected.” Cole frowned, actually looking concerned for me. “Does that mean your left all alone?” he said then with a small laugh to his words. I was starting to feel uncomfortable and turned to leave when he said “I wouldn’t go back if I were you?” I turned to see a small, red pocket knife in his hand. It glistened against the moon light coming from the overhead windows. I whimpered as he held it out towards me and shoved me against the wall. I went to scream when a hand covered my mouth and a pressure on my neck, made me realise the knife was there. “No screaming, it’s bad for your safety” and he released his hand.
“Being here with you is bad for my safety” I replied, dripping venom in my tone. He just laughed and said “hope God Forgave you, because the devil is cold person to live with” and with that the knife was propel led into my chest. I gave a gargling scream that didn’t go anyway and hit the floor. Blood was everywhere and the knife protruding from me chest was shoved just over hilt deep. As I lay against the floor trying to pull in deep breathes I realise two things. Cole, if that was his real name, had left and I didn’t tell any of my true friends where I was. A bloodied cough racked through my chest and then the world went black. I felt blood trickle down my chin and images of my life, like a story, flash before my eyes and then there was nothing.