Biggus
01-04-2014, 06:43 AM
THEY’RE PUTTING ON ACTIVITIES
They’re putting on activities
For those whose lives need enhancing
Well I’m hard of hearing
And of the activities they are advancing
Budgie jumping, parrot shooting
And hen gliding
Might be worth chancing
But no way am I going to have a go
At the Lion dancing
I’VE ENROLLED MY WIFE # 2
I’ve enrolled my wife
On an evening class
So she will learn how to
Start a conversation
During the commercials
In the same way I do
NEVER MIX THE GRAPE AND THE GRAIN
Never mix the grape and the grain
My Dad always said to me
And his inference was quite plain
Mixing them would be silly
Well now I think he was insane
They mix perfectly in my muesli
DO I HAVE A PET NAME FOR MY WIFE?
Do I have a pet name for my wife?
Yes, I like to call her Bambi, chum
Because she’s cute and clumsy
And I’d like to shoot her mum
A BRIGHT OUTLOOK
I woke up this morning
In the early morning light
I looked in the mirror
And not a wrinkle in sight
My wife, who was sleeping
Soundly in our bed
Now looked like
Sandra Bullock instead
The house looked neat
The garden looked tidy
So I should have gone
To Specsavers obviously
ARE YOU WEARING A MUFF?
Are you wearing a muff?
It’s like a big ball of fluff
Is it to keep your hands warm?
That you wear that muff?
Or is it a hiding place, for
When you’ve knicked stuff
CHURCH CONTROVERSY
At our church there is
Something of a controversy
In regards to when a foetus
Can be considered a baby
A few of us believe that
An unborn foetus in Surrey
Only becomes viable when
It has graduated university
ON THE VINE
My husband and I were
Visiting a vineyard
We were on holiday
To rekindle our passion
Which due to the side effects
Of his obesity
Sex was restricted
To only a special occasion
I’d lost sight of him briefly
Amidst the vines
When I found him
With an erection and at play
I looked at the vines
As he said Sémillon, Sémillon
I replied “I think you’ll find
They’re Chardonnay”
They’re putting on activities
For those whose lives need enhancing
Well I’m hard of hearing
And of the activities they are advancing
Budgie jumping, parrot shooting
And hen gliding
Might be worth chancing
But no way am I going to have a go
At the Lion dancing
I’VE ENROLLED MY WIFE # 2
I’ve enrolled my wife
On an evening class
So she will learn how to
Start a conversation
During the commercials
In the same way I do
NEVER MIX THE GRAPE AND THE GRAIN
Never mix the grape and the grain
My Dad always said to me
And his inference was quite plain
Mixing them would be silly
Well now I think he was insane
They mix perfectly in my muesli
DO I HAVE A PET NAME FOR MY WIFE?
Do I have a pet name for my wife?
Yes, I like to call her Bambi, chum
Because she’s cute and clumsy
And I’d like to shoot her mum
A BRIGHT OUTLOOK
I woke up this morning
In the early morning light
I looked in the mirror
And not a wrinkle in sight
My wife, who was sleeping
Soundly in our bed
Now looked like
Sandra Bullock instead
The house looked neat
The garden looked tidy
So I should have gone
To Specsavers obviously
ARE YOU WEARING A MUFF?
Are you wearing a muff?
It’s like a big ball of fluff
Is it to keep your hands warm?
That you wear that muff?
Or is it a hiding place, for
When you’ve knicked stuff
CHURCH CONTROVERSY
At our church there is
Something of a controversy
In regards to when a foetus
Can be considered a baby
A few of us believe that
An unborn foetus in Surrey
Only becomes viable when
It has graduated university
ON THE VINE
My husband and I were
Visiting a vineyard
We were on holiday
To rekindle our passion
Which due to the side effects
Of his obesity
Sex was restricted
To only a special occasion
I’d lost sight of him briefly
Amidst the vines
When I found him
With an erection and at play
I looked at the vines
As he said Sémillon, Sémillon
I replied “I think you’ll find
They’re Chardonnay”