Moriegirl
01-03-2014, 11:04 PM
This is a piece of something I've been working on. I'd like some pointers. Any kind of which are welcome.
My blankets lie still on the floor from when I had kicked them off earlier. I tossed and turned under the sheets, trying to find a way out of them. I found then, that I had been tangled inside. Frustration arose inside me, and I forced my way out of a dream, solely to remove the sheets. I glanced at the clock, which read five in the morning. The sun would rise soon, and it would be pointless to go back to sleep.
My feet hit the cold floor and I soon found myself standing in the middle of my brother's doorway. My eyes glued onto the soundless figure leaning over him. Snap. I knew in that moment that he was dead, and in the next, that I would soon be too.
But I saw him, the man in the mask. The man with the cold eyes. Blue in one, and the most stunning gold in the other. The man with the dark hair, which spiked naturally on its own.
I could see even then, in the dim lighting of the still moon, every single distinct feature of our assassin.
I shot up, snapping out of my dream, of my memory. My throat hoarse from when I must have been screaming. It took me another moment to realize that there was a figure next to me, and that it was trying to speak to me. To comfort me.
In that moment it became clear, I saw everything that my mind was trying to hide from me. I remembered, I recognized, and I noticed.
The man who had been my host, was also my assassin.
My blankets lie still on the floor from when I had kicked them off earlier. I tossed and turned under the sheets, trying to find a way out of them. I found then, that I had been tangled inside. Frustration arose inside me, and I forced my way out of a dream, solely to remove the sheets. I glanced at the clock, which read five in the morning. The sun would rise soon, and it would be pointless to go back to sleep.
My feet hit the cold floor and I soon found myself standing in the middle of my brother's doorway. My eyes glued onto the soundless figure leaning over him. Snap. I knew in that moment that he was dead, and in the next, that I would soon be too.
But I saw him, the man in the mask. The man with the cold eyes. Blue in one, and the most stunning gold in the other. The man with the dark hair, which spiked naturally on its own.
I could see even then, in the dim lighting of the still moon, every single distinct feature of our assassin.
I shot up, snapping out of my dream, of my memory. My throat hoarse from when I must have been screaming. It took me another moment to realize that there was a figure next to me, and that it was trying to speak to me. To comfort me.
In that moment it became clear, I saw everything that my mind was trying to hide from me. I remembered, I recognized, and I noticed.
The man who had been my host, was also my assassin.