Biggus
12-26-2013, 03:08 AM
I’VE ENROLLED MY WIFE # 1
I’ve enrolled my wife
On an evening class, so that
She can learn how
To adjust the thermostat
SMOKING KILLS
Smoking kills
Of that there is no doubt
Especially if my wife
Were to find out
THE CROWD WENT WILD
The crowd went wild
And the opposition reeled
As the Chicago Bugs
Won again at Wriggly Field
NO DOMESTIC GODDESS
I am not by any means
A domestic goddess
To be perfectly honest
My house is a bloody mess
So by way of camouflaging
My domestic disgrace
I always keep on display
Above the fireplace
Get well soon cards
Displayed to be seen
By guests who think
I’ve been too ill to clean
WE HAD ANOTHER TRIVIA QUIZ
We had a Trivia quiz at the pub last night
And I got most of the questions right
But the final question always tells
“Name two things commonly found in cells?”
It appears that a Manc and Scouser
Was not the correct answer
I WAS THROWN OUT OF A CLOTHING SHOP
I was thrown out of a clothing shop
It was one of the Muslim outlets
All I did was to ask if I could look
At one of their bomber jacket
ARE YOU WEARING EAR MUFFS?
Are you wearing ear muffs?
Sorry but that’s how it appears
After all how was I to know?
That you have cauliflower ears
I WAS AT THE END OF MY WITS
I couldn’t understand
I was at the end of my wits
I couldn’t undo her bra
I couldn’t get to her tits
The device was preventing
My reaching her bits
Then I thought that I should
Remove my woolen mits
I’ve enrolled my wife
On an evening class, so that
She can learn how
To adjust the thermostat
SMOKING KILLS
Smoking kills
Of that there is no doubt
Especially if my wife
Were to find out
THE CROWD WENT WILD
The crowd went wild
And the opposition reeled
As the Chicago Bugs
Won again at Wriggly Field
NO DOMESTIC GODDESS
I am not by any means
A domestic goddess
To be perfectly honest
My house is a bloody mess
So by way of camouflaging
My domestic disgrace
I always keep on display
Above the fireplace
Get well soon cards
Displayed to be seen
By guests who think
I’ve been too ill to clean
WE HAD ANOTHER TRIVIA QUIZ
We had a Trivia quiz at the pub last night
And I got most of the questions right
But the final question always tells
“Name two things commonly found in cells?”
It appears that a Manc and Scouser
Was not the correct answer
I WAS THROWN OUT OF A CLOTHING SHOP
I was thrown out of a clothing shop
It was one of the Muslim outlets
All I did was to ask if I could look
At one of their bomber jacket
ARE YOU WEARING EAR MUFFS?
Are you wearing ear muffs?
Sorry but that’s how it appears
After all how was I to know?
That you have cauliflower ears
I WAS AT THE END OF MY WITS
I couldn’t understand
I was at the end of my wits
I couldn’t undo her bra
I couldn’t get to her tits
The device was preventing
My reaching her bits
Then I thought that I should
Remove my woolen mits