Pattie's Pie

[Delta40]

Pattie collected dumpster diving men
like weekly trash
rummaging for love
finding nothing but shards of glass
in a childs sand box

Everything was blocked up
and her kid would practice big words
like 'fractals'

She'd grab the plunger when
it got to be all too much
The red rubber cup pumped,
sucked and pumped

'C'mon you bastard!'

Nobody really wanted to see
the grunge that would come pouring
out of her sinkhole
when she finally worked it free.

Her kid snaked along the pipelines
outside to avoid the stench
thinking a block of flats
is a block of flats
no matter how you stack em.

[Delta40]

Sorry its hard writing poetry on the train via my phone. Consider this a first draft

[Jerrybaldy]

A train ride is a great place to write. I am sure you are becoming more and more cryptic. Or I am losing a lot of brain cells. Or both. I can see the metaphor here though. And I am certain this is autobiographical whether you are or not :p No need to rewrite. Is my suggestion. When you coming to Blighty next?

[Delta40]

Feb 14 to 21 Mar

[Mohammad Ahmad]

I think the train is a best stimulator factor to the brain.
Go on, go on! Don't be late, time is over to reach the last station!
Where you go poetry is ready
either you see a businessman or a lady

[free]

Delta, are you a boy or a girl? Good poem!

[Delta40]

Delta, are you a boy or a girl? Good poem!

Will it make a difference how you critique my work?

[virtuoso]

You got off to a good start. The first stanza is really good. I am not to keen on stanza two. Also, there needs to be a transitional phrase, line, or stanza to bridge the mother in stanza one with the child in stanza two. I like the way you paint the corroded landscape. You do a good job using the run-down accoutrements of urban decay and metaphorically link them to the vagabond spirit of the mother and child.

[Jerrybaldy]

Note for Free. Delta answered a question with a question..think that answers that one :)