On A Shooting Spree

[mazHur]

​I took a pistol in my hands
cocked it and headed forth
on a killing spree.
There were so many enemies
which had hurt me all my life
I wanted to kill them now
I was therefore on a shooting spree
searching for the morons' assemblage
There they were all seated at a point
across the Ugly Mansion of yore
I moved towards them and took aim
Shot them one by one
until I ran out of my bullets
Some of my foes were dead
Some badly wounded
I threw away my gun and marched back home
I felt like a human being now
a human being emancipated
from the irksome quirks of lust, greed and jealousy
My feelings of hate, revenge, grudge and violence
had vanished like the passing clouds
Nothing burdened my Heart now
I had shunned all my sufferings
by killing most of my hard core enemies
All that now remained in my Heart and Soul
was Love and Peace.
by mazHur

[Hawkman]

Hello mazHur. There are one or two unfortunate expressions employed in this one, I'm afraid. One can't help thinking that a cocked up gun probably wouldn't work very well as c0ck up is synonymous with FUBAR and SNAFU, i.e. messed up. I feel bound to point out that I find it hard to imagine a corner stretched across a mansion, regardless of it's antiquity or ugliness. "Ran out" might be preferable to "got finished" with regard to the bullets. However, The irony of the piece (at least I hope it's irony :D) does come over rather well. Glad to know a good killing spree can be so calming. ;)

Live and be well - H

[mazHur]

Thanks, Hawkman, for your valued suggestions. I have made necessary amend and hope 'justice' has now been done!!:)

Best

[krishna_lit]

All that now remained in my Heart and Soul
was Love and Peace.


These two lines really provided a deeply satisfying ending!

[Henry-G]

These two lines really provided a deeply satisfying ending!

I agree and I would even go as far as to say that without the last two lines the poem only tries to be "dark". In my opinion the last two lines create a perfect contrast to the violence described in the lines before and kind of diminishes the overall anger, violence and darkness. Nicely done, mazHur !

Regards
Henry Gale

[mazHur]

Thank you v.much Krishna and Henry G. for your valued comments which i sincerely appreciate.

Best wishes
Maz