Dark Side

[Rachel Bentham]

Well I recently had a dead spell in my writing...however, the poetry is now flowing faster than a beer tap at 5. Latest attempt at some inspiration:

Dark Side

Revered for hope, a guiding light,
Ships and men, draw close, alike.
Only one side seen, the bright side,
All forget about the dark side.
Of the moon.

Sonatas, Poems, Prose and Song,
Baited breathing all day long.
Only one side seen, the bright side,
All forget about the dark side.
Of the moon.

However gorgeous, we forget,
Time stands still as the sun begets,
Only one side seen, the bright side,
All forget about the dark side.
Of the moon.

Reflected light, has not its own,
We only see what the sun has shone,
Only one side seen, the bright side,
All forget about the dark side.
Of the moon.

So true of Love, at times must hide,
We pause, we wait, in time abide,
Only one side seen, the bright side,
Don’t forget about the dark side,
Of the Moon.

[krishna_lit]

Revered for hope, a guiding light,
Ships and men, draw close, alike.

I liked these lines very much in the entire poem! Very well related...

[Rachel Bentham]

Thank you Krishna! Poetry is addicting! :)

[Jerrybaldy]

I found the repetition of lines 3,4 and 5 too much. I think if you dropped them in verses 2,3 and 4 and created a new verse 2 out of the remaining lines you would have a very good 3 verse poem :) p.s impossible to read this without thinking of Pink Floyd, which, for me, is a good thing :)

[Rachel Bentham]

Revered for hope, a guiding light,
Ships and men, draw close, alike.
Only one side seen, the bright side,
All forget about the dark side.
Of the moon.

Sonatas, Poems, Prose and Song,
Baited breathing all day long.
However gorgeous, we forget,
Time stands still as the sun begets.
Reflected light, has not its own,
We only see what the sun has shone.

So true of Love, at times must hide,
We pause, we wait, in time abide,
Only one side seen, the bright side,
Don’t forget about the dark side,
Of the Moon.


Jerry that is much better! Thank you. I think the meaning is more profound with just two repetitions. What made you think of Pink Floyd? Just curious...music and poetry are almost synonymous to me...so it is a very good thing. :) thanks for the help!

[Rachel Bentham]

or what do you think about this revision?

Revered for hope, a guiding light,
Ships and men, draw close, alike.
Only one side seen, the bright side,
All forget about the dark side.
Of the moon.

Sonatas, Poems, Prose and Song,
Baited breathing all day long.
Only one side seen, the bright side.

However gorgeous, we forget,
Time stands still as the sun begets.
We remember not the dark side.

Reflected light, has not its own,
We only see what the sun has shone.
Not both sides of the moon.

So true of Love, at times must hide,
We pause, we wait, in time abide,
Only one side seen, the bright side,
Don’t forget about the dark side,
Of the Moon.

[krishna_lit]

Poetry is addicting!

Oh it surely is! I never would've said this a year ago, but now I fell for it. My love for poetry is one of the best things that happened to me in 2013.

[krishna_lit]

or what do you think about this revision?

Revered for hope, a guiding light,
Ships and men, draw close, alike.
Only one side seen, the bright side,
All forget about the dark side.
Of the moon.

Sonatas, Poems, Prose and Song,
Baited breathing all day long.
Only one side seen, the bright side.

However gorgeous, we forget,
Time stands still as the sun begets.
We remember not the dark side.

Reflected light, has not its own,
We only see what the sun has shone.
Not both sides of the moon.

So true of Love, at times must hide,
We pause, we wait, in time abide,
Only one side seen, the bright side,
Don’t forget about the dark side,
Of the Moon.

Aah, I little bit agree with JerryBaldy.. the repetition was more than necessary initially but the edited one (which I quoted above) in your response to him you made it perfect by removing it in the verses 2,3 and 4.. It really made a better design..

And, then again

Sonatas, Poems, Prose and Song,
Baited breathing all day long.
Only one side seen, the bright side.

However gorgeous, we forget,
Time stands still as the sun begets.
We remember not the dark side.


the space in-between had disconnected the meaning again. I mean, the 3rd verse "However gorgeous, we forget" is creating a gap in the beauty of the poem when "Only one side seen, the bright side." is placed before it. So, the other edit which you made was the best!

[Rachel Bentham]

Thanks for all the input guys...def makes me take a second look at my poems. Always room for improvement!

[Jerrybaldy]

Glad to have been of help, Rachel. The dark side of the moon is a famous Pink Floyd album (and arguably the best album ever made ... along with a certain sergeant)