Knights Sword

[Quantareau]

Within his hand it's wielded for
the cause of truth and right.
And stands against the dying day
to face the edge of night.

His eyes have seen the vision of
the fires of freedom burn.
As bright as any fire for which
Imprisoned hearts could yearn.

Whose heart and courage go beyond
The terror of the night.
To bring forth out in victory
the shadows into light.

As time, so shall his armor pass,
his youth will fade away.
But in his hand the sword he holds
still greets the light the day.

With naught but honor and his sword,
he sees his own twilight.
Yet there, but for the passing years,
Still stands the warrior Knight.

[Melanie]

This is a great poem! Every line was a delight to read. Only two places gave me pause…maybe it should be "hearts and courage go beyond" instead of "hearts and courage goes beyond"? Courage alone "goes beyond" but when you add hearts then they all "go beyond". They don't all "goes beyond". Also, one more maybe…"His eyes have seen the vision of the fires of freedom burn." Maybe that should be "His eyes have seen the vision as the fires of freedom burn." Maybe that doesn't express what vision he sees as well but I'm factoring in the need for "burn" to be at the end of the line for rhyming purposes. It works perhaps a little better than "the vision of the fires of freedom burn". Those are just my thoughts but the poem is wonderful as is.

All in all it was an enchanting poem!

[Quantareau]

This is a great poem! Every line was a delight to read. Only two places gave me pause…maybe it should be "hearts and courage go beyond" instead of "hearts and courage goes beyond"? Courage alone "goes beyond" but when you add hearts then they all "go beyond". They don't all "goes beyond". Also, one more maybe…"His eyes have seen the vision of the fires of freedom burn." Maybe that should be "His eyes have seen the vision as the fires of freedom burn." Maybe that doesn't express what vision he sees as well but I'm factoring in the need for "burn" to be at the end of the line for rhyming purposes. It works perhaps a little better than "the vision of the fires of freedom burn". Those are just my thoughts but the poem is wonderful as is.

All in all it was an enchanting poem!

Thank you Melanie. My Knight has seen the fires of freedom burn in his minds eye. Other wise you would wonder what vision he saw as the fires burned. Trust me, I don't flop lines just to get a forced rhyme. Go or Goes? I'll check it out. Again Thank you so much.

[Melanie]

Fair enough, I see your point. I'm new to poetry myself so I'm ripe for learning. Is a year old still new? I may not be able to use that crutch long :)
I like, among others, these lines in your poem:

As bright as any fire for which
Imprisoned hearts could yearn.

[Calidore]

Heart and courage is a plural subject, so Melanie's right, it should be "go beyond".

[YesNo]

I agree with Melanie and Calidore about "go beyond", but I wouldn't have noticed it myself. I liked how you kept the meter throughout. The rhymes were simple, which I also like, however, they seemed too repetitive. For example, the "night" sound was used three times, but perhaps that was intentional. It does call attention to the "Knight".

I enjoyed the poem and I'm looking forward to reading more.

[Calidore]

Was the use of Battle Hymn of the Republic's meter deliberate? It was a perfect fit.

[Quantareau]

Was the use of Battle Hymn of the Republic's meter deliberate? It was a perfect fit.

No it was not. But it does fit. Thanks for reading it.

[Quantareau]

I agree with Melanie and Calidore about "go beyond", but I wouldn't have noticed it myself. I liked how you kept the meter throughout. The rhymes were simple, which I also like, however, they seemed too repetitive. For example, the "night" sound was used three times, but perhaps that was intentional. It does call attention to the "Knight".

I enjoyed the poem and I'm looking forward to reading more.

Thank you so much. There will be more. I do have about 12 previous posts. I don't know how you would filter them out though.

[Delta40]

Thank you so much. There will be more. I do have about 12 previous posts. I don't know how you would filter them out though.


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