defeat

[cacian]

to laugh at defeat
you must sing it
a beat
and evertime its feels
the heat is depleat,
blow trumpet at it
it will hear it
and quit,
the sound to it grit
naturally it's hit.
and when sometimes
you think
you've had enought of it
play it a piano
strict
each note you unhit
will glide it a stitch
truncheon sit and glit.
music does it fit
calm as a mozart huit.
a soprano seis
never felt so bate.

[Jassy Melson]

It's obvious that you put a lot of effort in this poem, but I have to say that I feel that the rhyme is forced.

[cacian]

It's obvious that you put a lot of effort in this poem, but I have to say that I feel that the rhyme is forced.

Jassy nice to see you around and thank you for reading and advice :)

[dara.cv]

I have to agree with jassy. This topic surely hit home with me tonight, another sleepless night feeling uncertain I want to face the conflicts I surely will be affronted with tomorrow, but the rythme structure does distract away from really connecting with purely what is being expressed.