Our Burnished Mantle

[virtuoso]

Our dedicated mantle is

a shrine to our permanence;

dressed with life's, lingering

mementos, a time capsule

spaced on an organic ledge

baring a sentimental record

of our transient journey, as

acclimated norms intersect

with eclectic tastes, skimmed

lily pads with dredged silts,

tethering us to foreign cultures,

twining us with lapsed Eras



Decorative emblems brush

against sacred, timeless symbols,

prized relics with bargain copies:

travel trinkets, costly souvenirs;

antique clocks, artificial clones;

lacquered, porcelain bells, painted

ceramic shells; gold, silver plated

candelabra, iron-tinted candle holders



A framed folio linking the family chain

caresses the polished keep-sakes:

small, thin-paneled frames with

larger, dated, barn wood frames;

thick, glass covers along with

cheap plastic casings;

light, paper backings stride

denser, easel boards.

A collage of our essence

shadowing the token

objects of our desire



Our dedicated mantle is

an altar to an enduring

fealty, for above our furnished

pyre towers a sentinel, the

bespectacled architect of

our dreams, an icon anointed

with the oily pigments of an

itinerant painter, our noble

great grandfather

[chirpy]

I like it, but it reads like paragraphs someone just hit enter on. I read it out loud and I got that stop-go feeling. Maybe you could go through and try different ways of dividing it up?

I loved the "fealty, for above our furnished" oh jeez best line! but like with a lot of this, though the word choice is beautiful, you say a lot of the same things. "antique clocks, artificial clones;" for example. Excellent start – clones vs clocks, antiques vs artificial. However, it's repetitive. We know clones are artificial. We assume clocks are antique (unless you add alarm lol). It makes the descriptive word unnecessary. You don't (shouldn't) see "pretty flower" in any creative piece unless a five year old is giving it to you. Even then they'd use purple or princess instead of pretty. As it is, you describe things we already see.

Maybe try replacing the descriptions with their antonyms? Just as a writing exercise :)