Bitten

[dara.cv]

I want my body to be stained
by the ink of the funny cartoons
after a sweaty sleep,
a comic relief,
to the unfulfilled dreams of my previous life.

I want my feet to go numb
by the constriction of unfit shoes,
after a walk to nowhere,
a grateful spare,
to the miles of trampled endeavors I've walked from.

I want my lips to be sated
by the rain-filled empty cup
after a fruitless debate,
a starved fate,
to the hunger rewarded me for all these years of failures.

I want my hands to be clasped
by the steel of their hearts
after a listless fight,
of unchallengeable might,
to touch a pain similar to my soul's.

I want veins to be pricked
by the venom of a blameless viper
another lost soul astray,
just for this day,
for a speedy sleep towards a recurring dead-end.

[prendrelemick]

I like this, it has a glorious feeling of giving up - "to the miles of trampled endeavours I've walked from" - a much underrated response to adversity I think.

A small point, I don't like correcting grammer in poetry because the poet may be writing that way for effect. However, "For my hunger of rewards to years of failure" doesn't sound quite right, the "for", "of" and "to" need sorting out. Also "souls" should be "soul's". "an" should be "a"- but I'm getting pedantic now and I'm useless at grammer anyway.