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Carol58175817
11-09-2013, 10:36 PM
I cannot think of a better title for this - I always get stuck on titles. This is the first time I've tried this sort of context.

I mean, I can be the invisible man sitting on your windowsill right now. As you would know, you cannot sight an invisible man. Meaning, you were never aware of me until I told you about my appearance a second ago. Sorry! The truth is, I have chosen you to be my next victim – you are going to be minced to feed my friend Sawney Bean; your bones are to be made into buttons; I shall feed my hungry blood-drinking guests with your blood; and your body fat will be made into soaps. As I should have mentioned, this is not a nightmare. Nightmare? Do not be stupid! I am going to make it loud and clear that this is true life. Not that you ever wanted this to happen, but this is life. Got it? Right. I shall start the murder in a few seconds… Get ready. Here it comes! Teehee, I have missed the feeling of murder for a long time. Nobody understands this until I reveal the truth to him or her. Exit is too late now. Xenophobia is something you would have to conquer. To understand this text, you must follow these instructions. The first word of each sentence is what you should be looking at. Or, more precisely, the first letter of each first word. You will find yourself shaking before you knew it. Oh really, do you not believe me? Unless you are too ignorant, or maybe too suicidal, you should be shivering now…

What do you think? As I have said in all my posts, all my work are open to positive AND negative comments. Suggestions on improving would be greatly appreciated. If you have anything to say, please feel free. Thank you for reading and I'll be looking forward to your replies!

Bruno Smith
11-10-2013, 01:06 PM
I am no one to be giving advice. I just wanted to say that I love to sink my teeth into the candy of descriptive prose. And, your paragraph had a wonderful texture, a pleasant after taste, and I would eat it again. In fact, I've read it a couple times and the flavor gets better. Someone might point out the "loud and clear" line as having been done a bit too much. I guess maybe just, "Let me make it clear", or, "Understand that this is true life". I don't know, just something I thought. Thanks for sharing and I will only invite you in if it is daylight.

Bruno Smith
11-10-2013, 01:17 PM
Gosh. Only just now a thought came to me. Tiny bit slow. Your story had layers not so obvious to one who is half awake. Obviously there were some lines to read between. Ultimately, I got it. Really though, I don't want to say too much and give anything away. No, not going to make it obvious. Once I grasp something, I don't let go. So, missing anything yet? Even if you do plan to mince me, carve my bones, drink my blood and melt my fat, I'll still have something you will miss.

glennr25
11-10-2013, 06:09 PM
Loved the prose in this single paragraph, very intriguing. I want to read more!