I have Perfect Trust

[dara.cv]

My breath is the
promise between you and me.
I am ever inhaling and exhaling,
your breath,
this perfect loyalty between you and me.

My dear,
stay near me.
Don’t drift afar.
To be carried by other winds
and lifted
from the safe home of my sheltering heart,
and set down upon
a stormy foreign land.

My breath is the promise
between you and me.
I am ever inhaling and exhaling
suckered air
this perfect loyalty between death and me.

[cacian]

hi this is an interesting piece dara. the contrast between the first stanza and the last is drawn by one single twist, I call it a sweeping commentary, and that is the juxtaposition of you/death.

this line caught my attention:
''from the safe home of my certain heart''
the word 'certain'. it is a tricky one because it can mean 'incertain' in a funny way as it to say 'not clear'. a
an example
'a certain gentleman' when not wanting to say the name of the person certain is used.
another example: a certain je ne sais quoi.
it usage is to signifie vagueness.

what do you mean by certain here?
in french it sure means 'sure'.

[virtuoso]

I think, as well, that "certain" is not the appropriate word. I think that "sheltering heart" would be the stable entity for which you are looking. In the last line of the stanza, i think that "a stormy, foreign strand" would go well. Overall, a well-conceived construct.

[Carol58175817]

What a beautiful poem! I drowned in your very words. You have a great sense of stanzas, wording and emotions. Congratulations and keep writing!