Dawn once.

[Jerrybaldy]

I am packing jam sandwiches
and orange barley water
to walk through fields
of dew damp grass and cow pats.
Whilst the world sleeps
I am heading up hill
to look back.
A cuckoo sings from his tree.
The city below is a sleepy scar.
I am following a stream to its beginning.
Everything comes from something
and goes somewhere.
I know the jam is bleeding into the bread.
The mud banks of the stream fall into the water
my parents mistakes
leak into my future.
My failures will flow
downstream.
But the sun is warm and still low
in my cow pat field of bluebells.
I have jam sandwiches and orange barley
and this world of dawn,
my sodden pumps,
nettle stung ankles,
innocence of heart,
and unbridled hope,
is a secret just for me
and the old man
who remembers.

[prendrelemick]

I love this sort of stuff. Make me all wistful and nostalgic.

[Buh4Bee]

Jerry, Although this poem is full of strong feelings, the soft presentation of the images makes it a pleasant read. Much enjoyed, B4B

[virtuoso]

Jerry, I like the way you meld together: the carefree moments of your life, the mercurial shawl of nature, and the sins of the past. A smorgasbord of delightful portents dished out to the reader.

[Delta40]

Not one of your best but I still enjoyed the imagery.

[DieterM]

Nicely done, Jerrybaldy, strong images and a message I can novemberishly relate to.
I'm woondering if you couldn't take out the lines "Everything comes from something / and goes somewhere" as this reads a bit like a cliché and is perhaps too straightforward; the message is hidden between the lines anyway.
And in line 15, there's a typo, it should read "my parents' mistake".
Another thing I'm wondering about is if you shouldn't make "is" in the last-but-third line "are" as it logically invovlves the pumps, ankles, innocence of heart and unbridled hope.
Apart from these minor quibbles, I really liked the calm feeling throughout the poem (especially pleasant for a "wanderer" like me).

[Haunted]

It flows beautifully and sadly, down from the hill, through the generations and past. Hope the sandwich didn't go stale but stay fresh, just like all your subject matters.

[AuntShecky]

Au contraire, this is one of your best, the best among an entire velvet bag full o' gems, I might add. You are one of the LitNutters upon whom it has finally "dawned" that abstractions-- innocence, hope, etc.--are most effectively expressed through concrete imagery-- items which actually exist and can be seen, heard, smelled, tasted, and "felt" (in a palpable way.) "No ideas but in things" said William Carlos Williams. Hence:


But the sun is warm and still low
in my cow pat field of bluebells.
I have jam sandwiches and orange barley
and this world of dawn,
my sodden pumps,
nettle stung ankles,


I was eager to read "Bluesman," but alas, it's been deleted.

Your fan,
Auntie