Time

[Anomandaris]

I opened my eyes and I saw a rose,
red and warm, but I did not care.
I turned around, and saw brownish fields
with bitter blowing winds and yellow mists…
And a lonely man, holding something -
just some withered
black
leaves.

[tailor STATELY]

Fahrenheit 451 comes to mind.

Problem with such sparse attention to the description of the rose...
a bit flat ie: doesn't lend much to the contrast you wish to draw attention to.

Otherwise a worthy effort.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[Anomandaris]

I wrote this one for a contest in school, and the rules were that we had to use exactly 40 words, no more and no less.Thank you for the responce anyway :D

[cacian]

great piece I enjoyed the contrast of red warm and brownish fields.
the old man at the scene was a good twist. :)

[Anomandaris]

thank you very much cician, I value your oppinion, but I wonder if I had made it all clear or I have too much symbols

[4m4ndaPu6h]

Just thought Id share this here since its one of the most timeless tunes ever done by the Floyd. With it comes the idea of time passing by, change and transformation.

Breathe
(Waters, Gilmour, Wright) 2:44

Breathe, breathe in the air.
Don't be afraid to care.
Leave but don't leave me.
Look around and choose your own ground.

Long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be.

Run, rabbit run.
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down it's time to dig another one.

For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race towards an early grave.

[dara.cv]

This poem and its commentary has been stuck in my mind since having read it.

I thought of how you paid so little attention to the rose like tailorstately mentioned. It reminded me of the book "A Little Prince" Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, and how his rose became such a nag that he left.

Your poem in contrast makes me feel like in your youth you paid, just that, "so little attention to your rose" that when you looked back in your loneliness there was nothing but bitterness and loss.

This really moved me and motivates me to continually admire the beauty and warmth in my love. Thank you. Great piece to sit with for a few days.

[Anomandaris]

I appreciate your comment, dara, and I am glad that you find my poem motivating and in a sence - touching