Lonely at a desert

[Mohammad Ahmad]

Lonely at a desert lives as a wild deer.
When the night falls, he sheds a tear.
A supernatural man never asks "help".
Between the shrubs chooses a refuge near.
His lover in a distant place never can see him.
His life converts for decline and turns dim.
Neither he finds joy nor does he find the death.
From the willows leaves to his grave he made a rim.
The dusk spreads its violet rays over the sandhill
Wolves would howl there ready to kill.
To his destiny, to his grief what can he do?
His teeth would gnash and his body would chill.
From the murmuring sound, he painted his eye
Either to find his lover or soon will die.
Passion is as if unstable ladder everyone must be aware.
Either you stay down or you ascend to be high.
Passion is looking like the rough tideway.
It neither can be calmed nor will overcome one day.
For the gossiping, always it raises its hands.
Never will be gratified but always would tell nay.

[cacian]

quite a story you have here Mohammad.
I have to admit I am getting unsure to which you are meant to be describing
the deer? the supernatural man?
the other thing about the first line somehow is not in harmony with the very last one and neither both are in harmony the very middle one.

Lonely at a desert lives as a wild deer
wolves would howl there ready to kill
never will be gratified but always will tell nay.

for me it think crucial at some stage that these three bases meet or accord. in other words when you put them together they will still read as a meaning. in this very case the three do not go hand in hand. what do you think?

[Mohammad Ahmad]

First of all, I would thank you Cacian for your first reply to my topics directly.

Yes, sometimes randomly I write, each stanza has separated harmonic tone due to the following reasons:

The notion I discussed itself is random, someone whom I meant by my verses is a man of wide misery suffering: he suffered from his world,he preferred to live alone after his lover departure. He preferred the desert to be his last refuge because of his severe passion, because of the great malicious torture he suffered, because of the disloyalty, because of the selfish behavior of people, because of the unsocial world that he has...
Not sometimes but always we would say meaning is opaque for reader or in one word it is on the heart of the poet or it is the hidden secret pertaining to the poet himself, it is something of his personality.
I know dear friend Cacian I know that my poem has variant harmony tones, but sometimes I like to be written as inharmonious verses due to the matter I would discuss it which reflexes the inharmonious soul, the passionate tortured soul.
Therefore, into these limits I would you understand me, however, I greet upon you the talented soul, the sharp-witted soul.
1-Every notice you mentioned I appreciate it desirously and respectably.
2- Every notice you mentioned I shall take it into my consideration.
3- The most important notice I want to clarify is that till now my soul refuses the short verses, till now I am not accustomed in the style of what you name here in this forum the contemporary poetry, furthermore till now I am accustomed on the classic poetry, till now I am affected with the classic poetry, but I guess that no longer I shall accept with you in the type and the style you are accustomed to do.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

I have to admit I am getting unsure to which you are meant to be describing
the deer? the supernatural man?


When I replied firstly I was in my official duty though I didn't read your notices rightfully, therefore I explain now:

You said that you didn't know which one I meant the deer or the supernatural man!

Sorrowfully for this misunderstanding, I think what we called (anaphora and cataphora) i.e. the reference which it is the matter that already was set before.

For instance when I say ( Lonely at a desert lives as a wild deer) = Someone who lives as a wild deer i.e. the supernatural one, the tortured one, the man that chooses the desert to be his last refuge
.
The article (a) to which item refers? Even if I didn't mention the subject for example ( He) but it is clarified from the second verse ( the supernatural man.....etc...)

I astonished! Why don't you understand my language? But your language all members here, is easy understandable for me and yet I don't say one day that I have faced any difficulties in understanding any topic was posted in this forum.

[cacian]

I have to admit I am getting unsure to which you are meant to be describing
the deer? the supernatural man?


When I replied firstly I was in my official duty though I didn't read your notices rightfully, therefore I explain now:

You said that you didn't know which one I meant the deer or the supernatural man!

indeed.


Sorrowfully for this misunderstanding, I think what we called (anaphora and cataphora) i.e. the reference which it is the matter that already was set before.

I am not sure I am following here.

For instance when I say ( Lonely at a desert lives as a wild deer) = Someone who lives as a wild deer i.e. the supernatural one, the tortured one, the man that chooses the desert to be his last refuge

I see. but what is a supernatural one mean? because torture and supernatural do not go together.


The article (a) to which item refers? Even if I didn't mention the subject for example ( He) but it is clarified from the second verse ( the supernatural man.....etc...)

I see but the first thing I saw was the wild deer and therefore the subject is that of it from then none.
the introduction of supernatural man came in later on and therefore I got a bit unsure to which you were talking about.


I astonished! Why don't you understand my language? But your language all members here, is easy understandable for me and yet I don't say one day that I have faced any difficulties in understanding any topic was posted in this forum.
it is not that I did not understand. I could not see the link between what you had said first in the your first line because that should set the tone for the entire piece.
I think there was a lot going on in terms of the concepts :

the desert
the wild deer
supernatural man
the lover
the despair

but nothing to say why such torture despair.

I mean this line:
''His teeth would gnash and his body would chill.''

this description came across to me as animalistic then the word 'chill' did not quite ring a bell because the desert is anything but cold.
the other thing is that a desert is already a bare landscape harsh and a time very lonely.
to expose it to the idea that a man's loneliness can compare to it is perhaps not quite perched.
there is a genuine misconflict between what you are trying to convey in terms of pain against a massive tarid backgroung that is a desert. the two do not go together for me anyway.
in other words you cant paint loneliness on top of a lonely canvas/ background/ place such as the desert it does not work. you could however paint an oasis, an pleasant thought, to make the desert look more amenable approachable. you cannot paint empty on empty it does not catch.
nature is exposed to give us ideas we must learn from it.

the other idea is that a wild deer is happy and does not shed a tear. it is a misconception it would not be wild if it was not a deer.
so again the image you are trying to convey does not fit with that of a human feeling tortured.

so the title
''lonely at a desert''
does not float with me because a desert is already a lonely place.
does that make sense? :)
I am only trying to chat and really this is not to be taken seriously but just a friendly exchange of view points. :)

in fact it reminded me of that movie with DiCaprio him being washed away and left alone in this desert island.
the fact of the matter is the desert island is already lonely to add dram of loneliness to it does not quite fit the bill of what a desert island is.
the canvas does not fit with the concept. a human against an arid background that is nature does not measure up and so it lost on me this trying of added aggravation that is pain.
Ulysses is another one. the canvas in which he is exposed to does not quite give in. it has no substance in terms of what nature really is.

so you cannot measure loss for loss it has to have a balance of effect in order to accentuate and to think about it the concept is hardly feasible even so.
one could measure pain next something that is pleasant but then it is futile because it does not work.
the effect looks or appears to be ridiculous. :)

[Mohammad Ahmad]

Dear member again I am going to explain more
Poetry itself is an abbreviated literary work, therefore the figurative of speech should be rather thinner and if it is prolonged there is no poetry, there is prose.
However, you said that there is missing links or exactly you don't find these links.
Sorry to say again I am going to put all of the poem verses for discussion :

Lonely at a desert lives as a wild deer. If I said : (lonely at a desert he lives as a wild deer), it is already right) but there is no problem if the subject is mentioned or it is not mentioned because it is already distinguished from the second line.

When the night falls, he sheds a tear. ( I think this line is clear enough and there is no need to clarify )

A supernatural man never asks "help". ( your problem is beyond misunderstanding why he is supernatural and wild deer in the same time, isn't it?
For why we are going already to use the metaphor, simile and other figurative of speech? It is just similarity, and for instance if I said:
He is a lion, or: he is like a lion. Does he turn suddenly to be a lion?
For this reason I can say he is supernatural because he was accustomed to live at wilderness like wild animals, he offered for himself this unnatural bizarre property or uncommon lifestyle. You see!
It is just similarity. I think that you understood the word (supernatural) as something has the uncommon ability or the uncommon behavior....
That's right ( supernatural one\ man \ person = person who has extraordinary opportunity of strength or abilty.
But,make sure words like supernatural can be used widely in literature.... I read many literary books and I am quite sure
Where is the missing link then?

Between the shrubs chooses a refuge near. (He, the supernatural man chooses this lifestyle )
His lover in a distant place never can see him. ( because his lover departure he tuns wild as a wild deer)
His life converts for decline and turns dim. ( after departure his life turns to dim life, etc...)
Neither he finds joy nor does he find the death. ( what joy after misery is! )
From the willows leaves to his grave he made a rim. ( clear meaning, he lived at wilderness! What is wilderness including?)
The dusk spreads its violet rays over the sandhill. ( Didn't I say previously that night falls?)
Wolves would howl there ready to kill. ( of course wildness has many groups of wild animals such as wolves)
To his destiny, to his grief what can he do? ( His destiny is too hard and difficult!)
His teeth would gnash and his body would chill. ( of course he met difficlties and bad weather)
From the murmuring sound, he painted his eye ( clear meaning )
Either to find his lover or soon will die. ( This is indeed is his problem)
Passion is as if unstable ladder everyone must be aware. ( the verse contains similarity and wisdom )
Either you stay down or you ascend to be high. ( follows the above)
Passion is looking like the rough tideway. ( similarity )
It neither can be calmed nor will overcome one day. ( follows the above)
For the gossiping, always it raises its hands.
Never will be gratified but always would tell nay.
As I discussed all of the items, I find out no word is being opaque or cannot be understood.
The only thing that I expect you misunderstood is ( why I made from the figure wide deer and supernatural} I imagined that he was converted to something is fancy, because he extended his strength from the last breath he had, that's power which makes him survived and alive.
Otherwise, love and indeed ardent passionate love gives him the supernatural power. Do u understand me now? That's poetry and indeed if u read the Arabic poetry you might be more wonderful and astonished.
That's poetry. look to my previous signature:
I haven't doctorate, I have bachelor
Even if I am married, yet I am bachelor.
Again I guessed that you astonished why I gathered all these variant figures to be under one outer line.
Yes, it is the soul of poetry that I learned, the fact always is like two- sided coin, one of it is real, the other is wrong or misguiding.