Pendragon
10-31-2013, 03:45 PM
I am just doing some thinking today; when my mind slows down enough to do so. Next year will make twenty years since this illness destroyed life as I knew it. It has been hell to go through, but I am a survivor. It never really gets easy, but there are times when it is more bearable than others. This isn’t one of those times.
My mother is gravely ill, and possibly dying. They have told us to expect the worst. She has been in and out of hospitals and nursing homes the last nine weeks. They are moving her today to a new nursing home from the Bristol VA/TN hospital, Special Care Unit. Prayer would be appreciated. Typically, this has set off a whole slew of nasty panic attacks, and I fear I am not far from having to be hospitalized myself.
I appreciate everyone who has stood by me through the years. Many of you I only know through the Internet, e-mail, regular mail, and phone calls, but you are no less important to me as you don’t know the times when a kind word or post has helped me through a rough time.
I do have some advice for people like myself who suffer from any form of mental illness. Treasure the people you do have in your life. Many times the ones who turn away were just looking for an excuse anyway.
Never let them see you cry. Never let them see your hurt. Never let them know that you are perfectly aware of how things really went down. Never let them know that the stories that they believe about you are probably highly exaggerated and closely edited, and bear little resemblance to the facts.
It keeps them off balance. They will worry that you know what they did. They will worry that you will figure out the when, the where, and the why of how they screwed you over. And always, always find it in your heart to forgive them. Maybe you can never forget what happened, but you don’t have to let it burn the soul out of you.
Above all, never give up. You may have to make serious adjustments to your life in order to cope. You may have to walk away from people to avoid further pain. Walk away if you must, but remember they are also human and subject to making mistakes. It may rock you to the very foundations of your faith. Have faith anyway. It may cost you people you deeply cared about. Care about them anyway. Keep your own conscience clear, hold no grudges. Ask for forgiveness, if they do not accept your apology, you have still done the right thing. If they never tell you that they are sorry for things they did, forgive them anyway.
Avoid trouble even if it means you have to swallow your pride, and ignore the pain.
You see, when you have bi-polar illness, you swing from depression to panic attacks and everywhere in between. Sometimes all you have time to do is think. Sometimes, you can’t even do that. Memory is a two-edged sword. It records the good times, but also the bad times. There is no fast forward, no pause, and no off switch.
Now may God bless you each and every one. I’m not always at my best, I grow angry easily, and I say things I don’t mean and shouldn’t say. But I try. Sometime that is all I can do.
Love all of you
Dale
My mother is gravely ill, and possibly dying. They have told us to expect the worst. She has been in and out of hospitals and nursing homes the last nine weeks. They are moving her today to a new nursing home from the Bristol VA/TN hospital, Special Care Unit. Prayer would be appreciated. Typically, this has set off a whole slew of nasty panic attacks, and I fear I am not far from having to be hospitalized myself.
I appreciate everyone who has stood by me through the years. Many of you I only know through the Internet, e-mail, regular mail, and phone calls, but you are no less important to me as you don’t know the times when a kind word or post has helped me through a rough time.
I do have some advice for people like myself who suffer from any form of mental illness. Treasure the people you do have in your life. Many times the ones who turn away were just looking for an excuse anyway.
Never let them see you cry. Never let them see your hurt. Never let them know that you are perfectly aware of how things really went down. Never let them know that the stories that they believe about you are probably highly exaggerated and closely edited, and bear little resemblance to the facts.
It keeps them off balance. They will worry that you know what they did. They will worry that you will figure out the when, the where, and the why of how they screwed you over. And always, always find it in your heart to forgive them. Maybe you can never forget what happened, but you don’t have to let it burn the soul out of you.
Above all, never give up. You may have to make serious adjustments to your life in order to cope. You may have to walk away from people to avoid further pain. Walk away if you must, but remember they are also human and subject to making mistakes. It may rock you to the very foundations of your faith. Have faith anyway. It may cost you people you deeply cared about. Care about them anyway. Keep your own conscience clear, hold no grudges. Ask for forgiveness, if they do not accept your apology, you have still done the right thing. If they never tell you that they are sorry for things they did, forgive them anyway.
Avoid trouble even if it means you have to swallow your pride, and ignore the pain.
You see, when you have bi-polar illness, you swing from depression to panic attacks and everywhere in between. Sometimes all you have time to do is think. Sometimes, you can’t even do that. Memory is a two-edged sword. It records the good times, but also the bad times. There is no fast forward, no pause, and no off switch.
Now may God bless you each and every one. I’m not always at my best, I grow angry easily, and I say things I don’t mean and shouldn’t say. But I try. Sometime that is all I can do.
Love all of you
Dale