Your coffee Vs my coffee - MMA- poems

[Mohammad Ahmad]

Your coffee Vs my coffee

Written by:

MMA

What is about your coffee still being sad?
Although you add sugar, it remains as if clumsy hand.
Even you pour milk never it turns tasty
Black always as if it was wrapped with a dim shade.

** ** *** **
My coffee I brought from distant place
It would be only to one having masked face.
Hardly had I poured it free everywhere…
It is free when the generosity has to put in race…
Come in, I shall shade it with glided potion
Never has it had malicious hate or sad emotion
Send me your cup to fill it again ….
Come to me without excuses and neglect the caution
Let me drink with you until you are satisfied
Don’t be silly or think at unexcelled mind
Life has flickering days between black and white.
You should be ever with your noble soul pride.
Couldst you do that and not alarming me?
The sky is cloudy never can I see…
Send me your message to be genuine friends…
Calm days will be again as if calm sea…

[Delta40]

While I can definitely see what you're trying to achieve, your use of English is like a freshly brewed cup clumsily spilled across a tablecloth. In other words, it's distracting.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

While I can definitely see what you're trying to achieve, your use of English is like a freshly brewed cup clumsily spilled across a tablecloth. In other words, it's distracting.

However your reply is, I won't be worried or too much concerned, because I saw many poems here in this forum written by native speakers but they are worth noting and trifle....
I think the common place of these poems I mentioned is the trash!!!
Look to this poem somewhere I picked and compare it with my poem:

Nick Capozzoli

Just to provide the comparison, here is WCW's poem:

here is WCW's poem: !!!

To a Dead Journalist


Behind that white brow
now the mind simply sleeps -
the eyes, closed, the
lips, the mouth,

the chin, no longer useful,
the prow of the nose.
But rumors of the news,
unrealizable,

cling still among those
silent, butted features, a
sort of wonder at
this scoop
come now, too late:
beneath the lucid ripples
to have found so monstrous
an obscurity.
Which one has the clumsy style the one you described or this poem?

Be wise please! I shall look to your topics and see!
Moreover, your sentence (While I can definitely see what you're trying to achieve) is wrong and it is better to say: Definitely I can see what you're trying to achieve is.for example bad..etc...
But I think you are not defiantly sure from yourself!

[Delta40]

I don't disagree that people who have English as a first language are capable of writing trash. I didn't call your poem trash and after reading the reference to my 'bad comment' about your poem in another thread, I really don't know what you expect me to say.

In my opinion, your grasp of the language is not doing you any favours in poetry. It isn't poetical so much as word salad. That isn't to say you should stop writing or reading. How else do we improve.

What I don't like to do is lie through my teeth and appease the sensitive poet lest his feelings get hurt.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

No, surely and certainly I shall not refrain from writing because this is not the first day I write,moreover satisfaction of people is an impossible way to be stuck on, some of them love the dark, others will love the light, some of them perhaps love the black, other perhaps love the white, someone perhaps loves the bitter coffee, another one perhaps loves it to be sugared, so feelings of people are not always the same, however, I will not rage or got displeased.
But make sure without exaggeration I find in my poetry the enjoyment, the good entertainment and the good purposes stand behind my art in which I am going to deal with.
Again I would say that, I am ready to hear any advice of other members, when I find it is useful...
If I cannot make success in poetry I can make success in short stories or other type of literature works.
Let me tell you again I am not satisfied in what the youths write nowadays, otherwise when we decide to compare what youths wrote and what the old Englishmen poets wrote and before some days I compared between one poem of nowadays and the certain poem ( The journey of the magi )...
One day just I read in internet their poems under a big title ( The broken relation) and I find many mistakes in their grammar and for instance, he puts ( has ) after shall, in addition all of them are native speakers or at least they are European

[Delta40]

Well I will assume that somewhere in there was an unspoken thanks for taking the trouble to comment on your poetry.

On a side note, it isn't just youth posting on lit-net. The quality of good writing is not restricted to a specific age group, just as creativity isn't.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

Dear writer in the forum:
Let me explain something more:
When I put a comment in the back of someone topic, of course I want the advantage to know what native speakers will reply…
However, I admitted that I am not a native speaker many times even though I have wide knowledge but let me say the mater will not concern me too much if I gain the top or the middle level or even let it to be sublevel.
Really, I know that I have passed many thresholds of difficulties in language to be so far from the first day of learning, eventually the success needs more and more stabilized paces.
Do I say that I am completed? Of course, if I said that I am mistaken and everyone is wrongful if he says that….


Here is the notion why I rejected in another thread you comment and read there:

Even if you see others who shine,
Remember you glow from the heart just fine.
Even if = although of (contradictory usage)
Yes, it is possible to say that he finds his heart is glowing as a result of seeing others' faces are shine.
But it is not well arranged... You see!
For that, I would rather say:
Even if you see others who shine,
Remember you glow from the heart as an acrid wine.

[Delta40]

Forgive me but I actually can't understand some of your sentences. I will assume that regardless of what anyone thinks, you shall continue to compose poems for the sheer joy of it and I hope you do. If I read something which catches my attention, I will comment.

I didn't negate the feedback you gave in the other thread. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You did however mention the 'bad' feedback I gave on your poem in that thread which I thought a little unkind of you.

You haven't thanked me or apologized.

[Jerrybaldy]

If you dont want negative as well as positive criticism of your work, don't bother posting on it a forum with a range of people with a range of opinions.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

Forgive me but I actually can't understand some of your sentences. I will assume that regardless of what anyone thinks, you shall continue to compose poems for the sheer joy of it and I hope you do. If I read something which catches my attention, I will comment.

I didn't negate the feedback you gave in the other thread. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You did however mention the 'bad' feedback I gave on your poem in that thread which I thought a little unkind of you.

You haven't thanked me or apologized.
Thank you dear member
sorrowfully you said that you misunderstood some of my sentences, but I understand all of your sentences...
One day I have said in the yahoo- page - costumers; one who loves such a language, no doubt he will love its speakers.
Again I would say, as much I worked as translator in many forums even if the translated work is to my mother language the Arabic language but I find that the satisfaction of people is an unachievable goal...
Of course I came here to exchange knowledge with others especially in literature.
Again I would say I didn't find in the poetry of nowadays the same flourishing delighted taste. In general I find the poetry of nowadays intends to decline, it lacks the tendency of the softness of the rhythmical sounds, it lacks to the strong meaning and for instance I translated the poem which never can I forget (all human things by John Dryden) one day to Arabic, and if we contrast the poems of nowadays with those of an ancient time the matter is miserable.
I don't deny that I find difficulties in poetry of now in how to satisfy people, because of one thing which it is standing beyond my intuition in understanding poetry according to my view.
For example the poetry of now is composed of uncompleted sentences i.e. no sentence it has the full meaning or some of its part is omitted , it lacks to the cohesion, I didn't know how it is considered as a poetry according to your views? For these reasons always I am not satisfied and being annoyed.
As much as I saw poets of now are going to shorten their verses to be containing incomplete sentences, yet I don't know why they do that.
Is it the dependable way in writing poetry or it is just I am misleading the criteria? really I don't know...
I am not satisfied on the style of writing poetry of nowadays time, therefore I wish I knew the reasons.
Best wishes and regards from MMA - the Iraqi translator

[Delta40]

To be honest I think some of it is down to personal taste. Please read some of my poetry. It's possible that you may not like it. Often I can appreciate the skill even if the style is not appealing to me.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

If you dont want negative as well as positive criticism of your work, don't bother posting on it a forum with a range of people with a range of opinions.

Dear master:
Take it easy please
still I am a new member here and it is unreasonable to be bothered from others replies if I find the replies are useful.
I didn't say that at all and I shall not say.
If the reply is not admiring me I shall not reply and the matter will be finished into this extent, but indeed I want to gain advantages in exchanging thoughts...Look to my last reply and if you have an opinion share with me now..
But let me ask you or others one question:
Why it is reoccurring in each time I am going to send my new post a notice always alarming me ( you have not right to do this action)?
Do they fear from me that perhaps I shall send a vulgar post ?
Therefore, in this case again I refresh the page and do a new logging on!! For why?
No, no this is not my behavior at all... Mercy to God I will not do that

[Mohammad Ahmad]

To be honest I think some of it is down to personal taste. Please read some of my poetry. It's possible that you may not like it. Often I can appreciate the skill even if the style is not appealing to me.
That's your matter...
I didn't find your personal poetry, I found a poem was written by another one you replied for it and I wrote some of notices there..
Please if you could satisfy me that this type of poetry is a dependable poetry now tell me to work as you recommend!
Of course, I didn't find any taste or advantages on the nowadays poems, they do not wonder me and this is my opinion because of one reason no verse of them could contain the full meaning .
It is just disarranged words haven't meanings and if I look over all of the posted poems in this forum most of them could not satisfy me.

[Jerrybaldy]

It tells you that you are unable to perform the action as, although you would have started writing whilst logged on as a member, you have become logged out at some time since you started writing and you are then no longer logged on as a member and not then allowed to post.

Happens to me all the time, but seems to depend which computer I am on. So it is just a glitch in the system not litnet trying to stop you posting!

Its a good habit to copy and paste your work before you try and post as I have lost many a poem from this very issue and I am sure many others have too.

Hope this helps.