Values

[Gunner]

Poop.

[Eman Resu]

Remedial English help is needed; mistaking "it's" for "its," "dominate" for "dominant," "who's" for "whose," and cetera are the most rudimentary of errors. First, go back to basics: learn to spell, to capitalise, to punctuate, and to express your thoughts as complete sentences rather than as fragments. As to the ****s - no reasonably educated person past the age of nine will listen to a "message" which relies upon anything much beyond the confines of polite language.

[Gunner]

Remedial English help is needed; mistaking "it's" for "its," "dominate" for "dominant," "who's" for "whose," and cetera are the most rudimentary of errors. First, go back to basics: learn to spell, to capitalise, to punctuate, and to express your thoughts as complete sentences rather than as fragments. As to the ****s - no reasonably educated person past the age of nine will listen to a "message" which relies upon anything much beyond the confines of polite language.

You're right. I admit that I throw grammar and spelling blunders all over god's creation. But I'm not that articulate to begin with. I use the default spelling of "it's" just because I don't care anymore. That's how smart I am.

As for the swearing - if you're that easily offended, you probably aren't the audience I'm looking for anyway. I'm a simple, crude, red-blood of low birth. I know how to behave properly, but if I swear while making a point, I'm ****ing sorry.

I already know I have swearing and bad grammar. What I really want to know is if anyone found it interesting and original or not.

[Volya]

People won't bother to read it if it's full of spelling and grammar mistakes. That aside, I read the first few paragraphs and to be honest it didn't seem original at all. It seemed like standard teenage I-hate-the-world-because-it-is-all-**** ranting.

Also, while I personally don't have a problem with swearing, you used it excessively. It makes it seem like you're trying to shock the reader with rude words but it just doesn't work.

[Eman Resu]

People won't bother to read it if it's full of spelling and grammar mistakes. That aside, I read the first few paragraphs and to be honest it didn't seem original at all. It seemed like standard teenage I-hate-the-world-because-it-is-all-**** ranting.

Also, while I personally don't have a problem with swearing, you used it excessively. It makes it seem like you're trying to shock the reader with rude words but it just doesn't work.


Exactly right, although it reads as "pre-teen" - 6th grade level or age 11½ to 12 years (U.S. Standard) on the Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level scale. The online analyser:

http://sarahktyler.com/code/sample.php

is more "accurate" than manual computation these days.


There's no such thing as "the default spelling of its." "It's" is a contraction of "it is," and "its" is a possessive pronoun meaning, "belonging to it."

Don't make excuses, and don't worship at the altar of ignorance; learn the difference between possessives, plurals and contractions.

[Gunner]

People won't bother to read it if it's full of spelling and grammar mistakes. That aside, I read the first few paragraphs and to be honest it didn't seem original at all. It seemed like standard teenage I-hate-the-world-because-it-is-all-**** ranting.

Also, while I personally don't have a problem with swearing, you used it excessively. It makes it seem like you're trying to shock the reader with rude words but it just doesn't work.

I thought teenage misanthropists were obsessed with conspiracy theories, and that disposable income envy masquerading as "anti-consumerism". I didn't know teenagers were aware of things like the consequences of the European revolutions, but if they are, then either you're over-estimating their insight, or I really am that dull. It ain't all misanthropy and hostile sarcasm. Just the first 90%. But if you're implying that my arguments are boring, I'll work on it.

Not trying to shock. That really is my natural swear rate. I thought "spiraling, Dairy Queen helix ****-cone" was pretty descriptive, but no one seems to agree.

[Gunner]

is more "accurate" than manual computation these days.


There's no such thing as "the default spelling of its." "It's" is a contraction of "it is," and "its" is a possessive pronoun meaning, "belonging to it."

Don't make excuses, and don't worship at the altar of ignorance; learn the difference between possessives, plurals and contractions.

The Flesch Reading Ease Scale analyzes how many words, sentences, and syllables there are, to vaguely suggest how easy it is to read. One test scored me the level below, "best understood by university graduates". Other tests said it could generally be understood by grade 8 and up, and another at grade 10 and up. What a wonderful, scintillating, "accurate" thing to know. I guess you feel better now, having rendered someone else's turn of phrase into a really weak insult, but I still don't care, because you're the one who wasted your time on it. On it's. I actually am ignorant of your pedantic grievances with the spelling of "it's". Too bad. The unstable, lonely, angry, depressed internet nerd, who's desperate for any form of social interaction, loves to spend all weekend arguing with strangers on the net. That's why you're going to reply again, but I promise that I'm not going to read it. So if anyone has anything better to say than limp, imitation-snarky zingers about syllable count and apostrophe use, I'm listening.

[tshering]

You said positive and negative feedback equally appreciated. Anyways no one is sitting around carrying an agenda to bring people down for no reason; if they didn't like it, perhaps your writing needs some changes. Positive comments just pat you on the back but negative comments are a powerful source of growth if utilised properly. Don't let it bring you down but show you the way up.

[AuntShecky]

Among the 4 types of essays, the persuasive or argumentative type of essay is the toughest to write. Its purpose is to win over readers to a particular point of view. The more convincing or "persuasive" the argument, the more successful the essay is.

The first thing the essayist has to do is establish his or her credibility, not necessarily bragging about professional credentials, experience, or influence in the particular topic, but at least the writing has to sound credible. The writer wants readers to take him seriously, or at least "listen" to what he has to say. In order to do this, he has to show that he has a working knowledge of English grammar and composition.

Mere writing competence is not enough; the style must be effective. There are several rhetorical devices which the writer can use to put some extra "oomph" or bite in his argument. {Edit--a few years ago one of our fellow LitNutters posted a thread titled "Rhetorical Devices" -- or you could do a web search by entering "Rhetorical terms" into the search engine box.} The writing is just as important as the point the writer is trying to put across.


The essayist should have a vast catalogue of vocabulary-- virile verbs, vivid nouns, and precise descriptors--in his repetoire. No matter how strongly the writer may "feel" about his topic, it's never appropriate to use profanity (or ersatz cursing with its mealy-mouthed substitutions "****".) Resorting to profanity merely shows that the writer is lacking in vocabulary. Some other tools the essay can use are anecdotes, illustrations, examples, quotations from experts, and other down-to-earth ways to make the argument come alive. The most important thing is to be specific.

But the specific examples must arise organically. They can't jump from brash statement to another brash, unfounded statement without a connection. As E.M. Forster wisely advised,
"Only connect." That's just as true for non-fiction as it is for fiction.

That's the "how"^

Here's the "what":

Knowing how to present an argument is a must. You can't argue effectively if you can't think. Show the reader that you can think clearly, that you can get to point A to point B without breaking your leg in the process. The process could be linear, or even round-about, but it can never be illogical.

Learn the difference between opinion and fact.
Received or conventional wisdom is not fact. Personal prejudices are not facts. Stereotypical statements: "Asians are this. . .Americans are that. . ." are not facts.

Verifiable statistics are facts. Proven research is factual.

Making general or blanket statements --without backing them up with evidence--is not an effective argument. Just saying the same thing over and over again does not make the statement true (though some have tried, including a certain cable news network whose name I won't mention.)

[Volya]

The essayist should have a vast catalogue of vocabulary-- virile verbs, vivid nouns, and precise descriptors--in his repetoire. No matter how strongly the writer may "feel" about his topic, it's never appropriate to use profanity (or ersatz swearing with its mealy-mouthed substitutions (*****.) Resorting to profanity merely shows that the writer is lacking in vocabulary. There are several rhetorical tools the writer can use to put some extra "oomph" or bite in his argument. The writing is just as important as the point the writer is trying to put across.

I would disagree here. Used well, and when targeting the right audience, profanity can be used to good effect.

[Gunner]

Thanks for the very thorough response, but even I must admit the essay shouldn't be taken that seriously. Was never meant to be that formal. There's a fine balance between humour and argument. If it's humour 100% of the time, you're writing a standup and not making a point. If it's argument 100% of the time, you're writing the most boring sequel to The Republic in the world. This essay is supposed to be about 50\50. Actually I just punched it up some more and there's even less point-making now. The absence of proof and logical form should've shown you my intentions. Having said that, I think I'm appealing to the wrong crowd. The cultured people on a literature forum might be too sophisticated for the vulgar colloquialisms and the tempo of my essay. Not trying to write a constitution, philosophical manifesto, or a scientific theory here. Just a casual prose in the common tongue. This ain't my crowd. Lesson learned. Thanks for writing me, folks.

[Calidore]

Richard Pryor, for one example, showed that it is possible to be funny, profane, deep, and real all at the same time. The countless people who credit him as an inspiration without showing any of that inspiration in their work demonstrate how hard it is. You've chosen to write a very difficult form of essay in a very difficult-to-achieve-successfully style. The article looks like a good deal of thought went into it, but good writing is more effort than thought (as someone said, 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration). With lots of work, including taking lots of constructive feedback to heart, you'll get better. Unfortunately, your apparent preference for blaming and changing your audience rather than looking hard at and polishing your work means you'll never improve.

[cacian]

the first two lines:


The world is a heavy, lime green, hay-strewn, rebar reinforced, pile of horse diarrhea. It's a mathematically impossible, infinite **** loop. There is no meaning of life, and we're all here by accident.



the last two/three lines:


We come from stars. I ain't saying we should be irrational, bleeding heart cause-heads. And I expect and anticipate some amount of war. But if we can just get over the stupid **** that causes the most suffering, I can finally shut up and stop having to deliver this message.

do you think the beginning and the end of your piece salute each other? do they gel is what i mean?

[tshering]

do you think the beginning and the end of your piece salute each other? do they gel is what i mean?

Good observation :p

[Volya]

Another thing; I think this article would function better as a speech.

[Bonsai Ent]

Folks. Here's an article I wrote. Anticipating your feedback, positive and negative equally appreciated. Thanks.

The world is a heavy, lime green, hay-strewn, rebar reinforced, pile of horse diarrhea. It's a mathematically impossible, infinite **** loop. There is no meaning of life, and we're all here by accident. Nice to ****ing meet you. Want a smoke? You can't have any because it disagrees with my values of self-reliance. Somehow, in a meaningless universe, we're conceited enough to have values. You can see them in national platforms and even continentally. To better understand the world, I made a matrix of it's values. Generally speaking.

Asians like collectivism, conformism, and introversion. No dictators have ever been more supported than in Asia. If you're a stocky dictator with a pompadour, a leisure suit, and sunglasses, somewhere in Asia is where you want to be. Rip a page out of that book, Reverend Jim. Why don't you go over there to Cambodia so Pol Pot's pompadour can tell you how to get it done. Private citizens volunteer to reprehend dissidents. They have strong relationships with anyone from their tribe, and cold introversion and cruelty to anyone who isn't. They mostly like to be left alone, except for Russia and China's international policy of sticking their big fat *** in everyone's face. Even when they support each other's enemy proxies. Like in Rhodesia, when Soviet supported ZIRPA fighters fought against Chinese supported ZANLA fighters, who were both fighting against Rhodesian Security Forces, while the USSR and China were frolicking through hundreds of millions of dead and suffering people, with their spiraling, Dairy Queen helix ****-cone of an idea that all private ownership should be ceded to the state. Good job, Karl Marx. I hope you're happy with yourself. That's what happens when you let the crazy Santa Claus at the mall write a book.

Europe is the old guard of civil rights, humanitarianism, democracy, and the constitutional republic. They like individualism, equality, and recreation. They believe that if minorities are unsatisfied, the majority should sacrifice it's satisfaction to attain a compromise for all. That isn't equality in the racial sense, because they'll throw bananas at black soccer players with the best of them. Their concept of equality means that everyone is equally bored and deprived. If the competing companies are giving their workers friday off, you don't get to work on friday and put them out of business. You have to close the factory on friday too, because it isn't fair for you to work harder. Europeans believe that if fat people are unhappy being fat, we're all supposed to dunk our heads in a pig trough of hot-dogs and raw lard so we're all equally fat. But they're not fat, because they don't have onion rings yet. They have eclairs and strudels and **** that gives you high-cholesterol. They believe that the successful should be restricted and the unsuccessful should be advanced. They like to retire, go on vacation, and take friday off, because they have hectic, stressful lives of driving luxury sedans and wearing fur pelts that some Canadian kicked a bear in the scrote-bag for. No thanks. I actually like to work.

North Americans like individualism, liberty, unity, and interventionism. They take full advantage of their rights and become agitated over any infringement, real of perceived. If you ask them to bring ID when they vote, it's discrimination and someone wants to hang the president. If you want to convert established Mexican aliens into citizens, it's only a matter of time before some country-music singing slack-jawed yokel in a militia ****s a song out and cracks another Bud Lite while he's illegally patrolling the border. They're individualist to the point of narcissism. Just ask Oprah what it feels like to be a free spirit on a solo vacation to the Adriatic, and you'll know what I mean. You and Kaiser Wilhelm should get together and go shopping for galoshes. I heard he's a real big fan - of himself. Young North Americans are in love with themselves. I don't even know what a hipster is, but I know it's someone who loves themselves so much, they choose to wear stupid, embarrassing clothing, and still have the audacity to judge you for wearing Hane's and Levi's. While they stand there in cherry red, extra tight, ball-busting Docker's pants, penny loafers, and Bill Cosby sweaters so ugly even Bill Cosby wouldn't use it to towel off after having orgies in a lake of butterscotch pudding. You must think you're real special don't you, junior. North Americans expect unreasonable success and luxury. They can't believe it when they're $80,000 in debt, and that their air conditioner costs more to operate than their 3 ****ing cars do. This is North America. You're supposed to be cold and afraid. You aren't supposed to panfry burgers indoors all winter. You're supposed to have a shack full of salted mackerel and blocks of frozen cheese because you might not make it through the season alive. Expecting to be cold when it's hot and hot when it's cold is like expecting Larry King to rain **** balls from heaven after eating a blue cheese wheel. You can squeeze him out like a tube of toothpaste, but it just isn't going to come out. Canadians rely on federal policies to set precedent, like how the entire country has to learn French, no one is allowed to own cool guns, and health care wouldn't exist if it weren't for the million percent tax on the ****ing cigarettes. Americans rely on state autonomy, like the continuation of slavery and Jim Crowe laws, the illegality of gay marriage, and creationism in text books. North Americans believe that subsets of the population can remain isolated, but collaborate in national and international efforts. That way, we can all pretend not to be inherently racist and legislate visual minorities into public service through diversity quotas. They believe they're responsible for fixing the world's problems, because the rest of the world isn't morally evolved enough to tell a bunch of delinquents in leather jackets and old t-shirts to stop throwing rocks at everything.

Africans like donation, superstition, and conflict. Reports are suggesting that Africa has been spoiled by donations. They require donations of money, medical supplies and practitioners, military aid, political support, and food. They can't be saved from falling off their horse; they've already fallen off and are well and thoroughly ****ed. Their horrible GDP is rising, but they have a long way to go before they can bring themselves to stop raping the hundreds of thousands of children and virgins per year because they think it cures AIDS. Which it doesn't. So they keep spreading AIDS without curing it. You tell them to stop it, but they won't listen. You try explaining it to them, yelling at them, calling them *******s, but they keep raping. If raping children cures AIDS, how come you still have it? It's the world's most depressing, stupefying, offensive lose-lose deal, and we're all just supposed to stand there and respect them because they all know how to sing beautiful songs in languages we don't understand. Unless it's the baby rape song. You'll know it when you hear it. They're familiar with abject poverty and squalor. They're the world's most ****ed up people. They hit consecutive droughts, suffer from diseases we eradicated 100 years ago, get attacked by islamic rebels, and face multiple genocides and insurrections at once. It's like someone transported a bunch of Soviet ordnance into the stone age, and let Charles Manson direct an episode of Simon In The Land Of Chalk Drawings. The whole continent is a ****ing **** hole. They live in a neo-feudal civilization where they have no respect for each other's rights, and believe that any form of diversity or opposition should be killed. They play highlife music, but they slaughter the **** out of each other because of some irrelevant caveat of cultural diversity that no one notices or gives a sweet jesus about. Africans will work long, hard hours to dispense of each other, with dark, shockingly unusual good humour and depravity. No where else in the world could there be a guy like General Butt Naked, who sacrificed and ate children and recruited them in his campaigns. I know all you retards like to think George Bush is some kind of twisted war criminal, but George Bush would never play soccer with decapitated heads. Sorry. They don't make them like that in Texas. They're not that ****ed up. Only Africa.

South American values are ambiguous and are characterized by an uncertainty. They're trying to shift from corruption, debt, and violence, to democracy, social liberalism, and stability. But no one knows for sure because they've engaged in set-piece battle with politically active drug lords and their militias, ongoing for decades. Holy ****. They live in a dystopian hell on earth, and they have time to make a shrine to the virgin mary on a TV tray, in the living room, next to the fern. They have decisive family-centric gender roles, requiring males to appeal to that whole "machismo" jazz, and the females to idolize jesus' mom. Weird. It ain't normal for people to worship bad, tacky, acrylic, mock-romance paintings from the dollar store, and they never seem to tire of it. Calm the hell down. It's all bullcrap anyway.

Middle-Easterners like islam, anti-Zionism, conflict, and domination. islam and sharia law is the way of life, and they're really excited about telling you all about their bizarro, tangled-web of a desert cult. And if you don't like it, they kill you. There's no debate, there's no special part of town, there's no diplomatic disagreement. They just say "god is pretty good", or "god is super-duper", or "god is *****in'", or whatever the **** it is, for the 800th time, and then drop you on the spot with an AK47 that came from Pakistan and a 7.62 round that came from a Chinese arsenal. Their federal policies and wars have been based on the destruction of Israel and of jews. What they hate is themselves and their imperfections. They're just putting that **** on the jews because it's easier and less embarrassing that way. Apparently, if all the jews were dead, it would solve everyone's problems. I don't want to live in a world without jews and Israelis. Who else is going to write the theory of general relativity. Suicide bombers? Please. Don't make me laugh. I wouldn't want to hurt your precious ****ing religious sensitivities. Middle-easterners believe that whoever has the biggest stick gets to rule, and that violence is a perfectly acceptable way to resolve disputes we'd frown upon. There's been this whole schism in islam where after Moe Howard died, they didn't know who to worship. So they bet on their horses and over a thousand years later, they're still killing shiites and sunnis. Because they picked the wrong guy to worship. Even though they're from the same religion. It ain't supposed to make sense. It's supposed to be idiotic and confusing. Sunnis fight sunnis, shiites fight shiites, sunnis fight shiites, sunnis and shiites fight established governments and coalition forces. If you gave them a voucher and a trip to Las Vegas, they'd probably just stand in the mirror and kick their own ***.

Globally speaking, this swirling garbage vortex of a world can be categorized into a few dominate opposing ideologies. Democracy vs. authoritarianism, islam vs. islam, islam vs. the host country's administration, rural traditionalism vs. urban liberalism, civil rights vs. cruelty, communism vs. democratic capitalism, anti-establishmentalism vs. pro-establishmentalism, cynicism vs. idealism, heritage and traditionalism vs. modernism, the selfless vs. the self-minded, and the free vs. the unfree. We've done a fantastic job. Some of us. The rest of you are ****ed, and need to be enlightened. Violence isn't the go-to, catch-all solution to every problem. Sometimes you have to deal with it, because having friends is better than having enemies. And it takes maturity to forgive and make peace with your enemies. But it's necessary because at the end of the day, we all have the same goals, we're all pretty much cut from the same cloth, we're all Africans, we're all the same species, just with different bubble gum flavours. Big ****ing deal. Life is a lot easier when you aren't constantly in an unnecessary, deep seeded, perpetual conflict with a people who cook their chicken differently than you. That's what diversity and tolerance is for. You're supposed to be inherently and genetically ignorant and racist. Then you're supposed to be exposed to different jelly beans, and realize that you aren't all that different after all. Then you're supposed to have that isolating, tribal, dislike for the unlike flushed out of your head. Just pull the chain on this thing and get the **** over it. Because you're turning the world into an Alice In Wonderland ****-hole of bizarre local customs and arcane conflicts that no one else gives half a **** log about. Except for you. So knock it off. And start jamming. Because life is too short and valuable to be killing each other over who's interpretation of a retarded religion is better. Modern science states that our particles are reconfigurations of the original particles that were present at the moment of the big bang. We come from stars. I ain't saying we should be irrational, bleeding heart cause-heads. And I expect and anticipate some amount of war. But if we can just get over the stupid **** that causes the most suffering, I can finally shut up and stop having to deliver this message.

I couldn't work out if this was meant to be an ironic and funny piece where the narrator was a character... Or whether these are your actual opinions.

If they're your actual opinions then your writing could probably be improved by travelling a bit.