JJLogan
10-14-2013, 10:33 AM
I'm writing a piece about the Battle of Gettysburg. Yes another one to add to the mile-high pile of literature about
America's most famous military engagement. It's non-fiction. The context is a Confederate soldier being shot by 17 bullets after taking out a beloved brigade commander with the Union army. How would you critique this sentence, and how would you alter it?
"There, on a nameless, rocky hill far from home on a Thursday afternoon, came the melodramatic close of an anonymous soldier's otherwise unremarkable life story, and the ambiguous cause for which he had forfeited his simple existence."
Thanks for your comments.
America's most famous military engagement. It's non-fiction. The context is a Confederate soldier being shot by 17 bullets after taking out a beloved brigade commander with the Union army. How would you critique this sentence, and how would you alter it?
"There, on a nameless, rocky hill far from home on a Thursday afternoon, came the melodramatic close of an anonymous soldier's otherwise unremarkable life story, and the ambiguous cause for which he had forfeited his simple existence."
Thanks for your comments.