Lyn05
10-13-2013, 11:51 AM
Hi. I've had an idea for a story for quite a while but never got down to writing it until recently. Critiques/comments are welcome; I'm kind of worried my descriptions aren't easy to follow, or that the story itself isn't compelling enough. So...here's part of it (the beginning, actually)
___________________
The girl in a mustard coat was on the ground in the depths of an alley, her hands clawing at her neck. She knew it wasn't helping, but she couldn't stop. It was one of those desperate things people did when they were at their wits' end.
There was something in her throat, fighting its way out, and winning. She could feel it crawling, inching its way up bit by bit. Instinctively, she tried to swallow but failed. She tried again, this time to call for help, to make a sound. Only a nasal whine escaped her. She gagged and focused her attention on the faint glow of the street lamps ahead. It didn't calm her down.
She gasped for air as she writhed in discomfort, the dirt grinding against the fabric of her jeans. The tips of her fingers were wet- was it blood? She started coughing wildly, convulsing. And then, she stopped. She could breathe.
It had finally reached her mouth and she could feel it on her tongue- it was light and soft, and something brushed against the inside of her cheek. She could have easily crushed it if she moved her tongue to her palate. But she didn't. Instead, she opened her mouth to spit it out, to see what it was. The moment her lips parted, it squeezed through the gap and flew out. She shuddered.
It was a black butterfly, its wings wet with her saliva.
She remained on the ground, breathing deeply as she watched the butterfly crawl in circles in front of her eyes. She wanted to puke, but the sheer horror of it paralysed her. When it was ready, it took off into the night, forming a silhouette against the circle of the moon.
Relief overwhelmed her when it was out of sight. Slowly, she managed to sit up, her thoughts in disarray. What the hell just happened? Was she dreaming? Gingerly, she touched her neck to gauge the hurt she'd inflicted on herself. Stupid, stupid. She shouldn't have done that. Then, she felt her blood run cold and panic started to rise again.
Another one. She gripped her throat once more.
*
"Sis? Sis! Lily!"
Lily jumped at the voice. It was Jesse. He was looking at her with his eyebrows drawn close and mouth pressed into a tight line. "Are...are you alright? You were mumbling in your sleep."
She looked around her, disoriented. She was at home, or at least what they called home- a unit at the top floor of an old, run-down apartment building. Their place was sparsely decorated. They had two metal-framed beds, with Lily's next to the window and Jesse's on the opposite side of the room, against the wall and next to the door. They'd placed a small side table between their beds, as well as a partition, which was really a huge piece of cloth hanging from ceiling, for some privacy. In front of Lily's bed was the built-in kitchen counter they managed to get fixed. It came with a stove and a sink, which was enough for the siblings to get by. The bathroom was located on the other side of the door.
They were in an area called the Cluster. Basically, it was an intersection of two streets whose buildings had fallen into dilapidation after the war, but also met the hands of very creative people who transformed it into a labyrinth unto itself. The street signs had been torn off, and structures were added over the years- criss-crossing overhead bridges that connected one building to another; planks fixed across alleys that served as shelters or walkways. And the underground tunnels...that had developed into an even greater complex architecture.
The Cluster used to be part of Paramount, a vast city with skyscrapers, malls, restaurants, schools...everything...but now all that was left were the couple of streets that miraculously survived. When the war was over, it was obvious that Paramount could not be salvaged. The government made it quite clear when it made the area a dumping ground- those who could not afford medical treatment or were beyond saving were eventually gathered at the Cluster, covertly or otherwise. People called it dead man's land; and soon the area became literally isolated from the rest of civilisation. While the other cities rebuilt themselves, a berth remained around the area.
Sometimes, news would reach the Cluster, stories from the Cities, they were called. Apparently, the city people did not know of the developments of the Cluster, of the kind of place it had become over the years; it was always portrayed as a mystery. And people in the Cluster did ask, who had been rebuilding this place? Construction had taken place not long after the war, and medical tents were set up to help the injured. But when questioned who sent them, those involved in the rebuilding efforts never gave an answer.
So a new settlement emerged, coupled with small businesses and all that. It was like a town, except there were no laws to govern the place, so people had to be careful, especially at night.
Lily and Jesse had been living in the Cluster for about a year and a half, long enough for them to get familiar with most of the place, with all its turns and winding paths, but not for them to dare to venture into the underground. At first, they'd survived by doing odd jobs, fixing things or delivering goods from place to place. That was how they got to familiarise themselves with the area. Later they became scavengers; beside the Cluster was a huge dump site called the Yard, and Jesse said he'd gotten contacts who paid well if they found the items they required. Lily never quite trusted those contacts Jesse had. She didn't even know where he'd gotten them, but her brother refused to come clean.
Look, he'd said, we've got a good job now. We won't have to live on biscuits and water all the time, and you won't have to help clean up that old man's room anymore. I don't like the way he looks at you. Lily didn't have anything to say to that. The old man lived in a small broken van, located near the alley Lily and Jesse used to stay when they'd first arrived in the Cluster. His stares made Lily shudder all the time. Furthermore, it was because of this job that they were able to afford the unit they were in. She sighed. If only it didn't happen...then Jesse and her would still be at their aunt's place, in Greenfields. Safe, warm, going to school, living life...their parents were going to visit them in a few months...
But Lily and Jesse had to leave. Because of her. She'd dragged her brother into this...
"Hey," Jesse said gently, putting his hand on her shoulder, rousing her from her thoughts. "I'll get you some water okay?"
She nodded. This is our place now. Our home. We'll be safe he-
The window next to her bed shattered with such a force Lily was thrown to the floor. The glass cut into her skin. Immense pain immobilised her and the metallic scent of blood filled the air.
Her vision became blurred as she slipped into unconsciousness. She could hear Jesse's voice. Too muffled to make out anything. Is this what her dream was about? Was the butterfly a messenger of death?
So much for being safe, Lily thought. From the floor, she could see the night sky out the window. The moon hung so low so that it seemed to fill the window frame...a full moon... just like her dream... She stopped fighting to keep her eyes open.
*
___________________
The girl in a mustard coat was on the ground in the depths of an alley, her hands clawing at her neck. She knew it wasn't helping, but she couldn't stop. It was one of those desperate things people did when they were at their wits' end.
There was something in her throat, fighting its way out, and winning. She could feel it crawling, inching its way up bit by bit. Instinctively, she tried to swallow but failed. She tried again, this time to call for help, to make a sound. Only a nasal whine escaped her. She gagged and focused her attention on the faint glow of the street lamps ahead. It didn't calm her down.
She gasped for air as she writhed in discomfort, the dirt grinding against the fabric of her jeans. The tips of her fingers were wet- was it blood? She started coughing wildly, convulsing. And then, she stopped. She could breathe.
It had finally reached her mouth and she could feel it on her tongue- it was light and soft, and something brushed against the inside of her cheek. She could have easily crushed it if she moved her tongue to her palate. But she didn't. Instead, she opened her mouth to spit it out, to see what it was. The moment her lips parted, it squeezed through the gap and flew out. She shuddered.
It was a black butterfly, its wings wet with her saliva.
She remained on the ground, breathing deeply as she watched the butterfly crawl in circles in front of her eyes. She wanted to puke, but the sheer horror of it paralysed her. When it was ready, it took off into the night, forming a silhouette against the circle of the moon.
Relief overwhelmed her when it was out of sight. Slowly, she managed to sit up, her thoughts in disarray. What the hell just happened? Was she dreaming? Gingerly, she touched her neck to gauge the hurt she'd inflicted on herself. Stupid, stupid. She shouldn't have done that. Then, she felt her blood run cold and panic started to rise again.
Another one. She gripped her throat once more.
*
"Sis? Sis! Lily!"
Lily jumped at the voice. It was Jesse. He was looking at her with his eyebrows drawn close and mouth pressed into a tight line. "Are...are you alright? You were mumbling in your sleep."
She looked around her, disoriented. She was at home, or at least what they called home- a unit at the top floor of an old, run-down apartment building. Their place was sparsely decorated. They had two metal-framed beds, with Lily's next to the window and Jesse's on the opposite side of the room, against the wall and next to the door. They'd placed a small side table between their beds, as well as a partition, which was really a huge piece of cloth hanging from ceiling, for some privacy. In front of Lily's bed was the built-in kitchen counter they managed to get fixed. It came with a stove and a sink, which was enough for the siblings to get by. The bathroom was located on the other side of the door.
They were in an area called the Cluster. Basically, it was an intersection of two streets whose buildings had fallen into dilapidation after the war, but also met the hands of very creative people who transformed it into a labyrinth unto itself. The street signs had been torn off, and structures were added over the years- criss-crossing overhead bridges that connected one building to another; planks fixed across alleys that served as shelters or walkways. And the underground tunnels...that had developed into an even greater complex architecture.
The Cluster used to be part of Paramount, a vast city with skyscrapers, malls, restaurants, schools...everything...but now all that was left were the couple of streets that miraculously survived. When the war was over, it was obvious that Paramount could not be salvaged. The government made it quite clear when it made the area a dumping ground- those who could not afford medical treatment or were beyond saving were eventually gathered at the Cluster, covertly or otherwise. People called it dead man's land; and soon the area became literally isolated from the rest of civilisation. While the other cities rebuilt themselves, a berth remained around the area.
Sometimes, news would reach the Cluster, stories from the Cities, they were called. Apparently, the city people did not know of the developments of the Cluster, of the kind of place it had become over the years; it was always portrayed as a mystery. And people in the Cluster did ask, who had been rebuilding this place? Construction had taken place not long after the war, and medical tents were set up to help the injured. But when questioned who sent them, those involved in the rebuilding efforts never gave an answer.
So a new settlement emerged, coupled with small businesses and all that. It was like a town, except there were no laws to govern the place, so people had to be careful, especially at night.
Lily and Jesse had been living in the Cluster for about a year and a half, long enough for them to get familiar with most of the place, with all its turns and winding paths, but not for them to dare to venture into the underground. At first, they'd survived by doing odd jobs, fixing things or delivering goods from place to place. That was how they got to familiarise themselves with the area. Later they became scavengers; beside the Cluster was a huge dump site called the Yard, and Jesse said he'd gotten contacts who paid well if they found the items they required. Lily never quite trusted those contacts Jesse had. She didn't even know where he'd gotten them, but her brother refused to come clean.
Look, he'd said, we've got a good job now. We won't have to live on biscuits and water all the time, and you won't have to help clean up that old man's room anymore. I don't like the way he looks at you. Lily didn't have anything to say to that. The old man lived in a small broken van, located near the alley Lily and Jesse used to stay when they'd first arrived in the Cluster. His stares made Lily shudder all the time. Furthermore, it was because of this job that they were able to afford the unit they were in. She sighed. If only it didn't happen...then Jesse and her would still be at their aunt's place, in Greenfields. Safe, warm, going to school, living life...their parents were going to visit them in a few months...
But Lily and Jesse had to leave. Because of her. She'd dragged her brother into this...
"Hey," Jesse said gently, putting his hand on her shoulder, rousing her from her thoughts. "I'll get you some water okay?"
She nodded. This is our place now. Our home. We'll be safe he-
The window next to her bed shattered with such a force Lily was thrown to the floor. The glass cut into her skin. Immense pain immobilised her and the metallic scent of blood filled the air.
Her vision became blurred as she slipped into unconsciousness. She could hear Jesse's voice. Too muffled to make out anything. Is this what her dream was about? Was the butterfly a messenger of death?
So much for being safe, Lily thought. From the floor, she could see the night sky out the window. The moon hung so low so that it seemed to fill the window frame...a full moon... just like her dream... She stopped fighting to keep her eyes open.
*