Biggus
10-12-2013, 10:12 AM
TRAFFIC COP – DO YOU KNOW?
“Do you know why I pulled you over?”
The cop asked me like a typical fuzz
“No officer I don’t, I hope you do,
I thinks it’s important that one of us does”
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 306
Rub a dub dub
Three men in a tub
I bet no one predicted that
When they met in the pub
THE GUNFIGHTER
A young cowboy was sat in the saloon
One Saturday night looking his best
When an old man walked into the bar
Who was once the fastest gun in the West
The cowboy sidled up to the old shootist
He bought him a two fingered whiskey tot
And without looking at him he asked
“Can you give me a tip to be a great shot?”
He said, “You're wearing your gun too high,
Tie the holster a little lower down your thigh”
The kid adjusted his rig then drew his gun
And shot off the piano player’s bow tie
Then he said, “now, where the hammer
Hits the leather, cut a notch in your holster”
The kid adjusted his rig then drew his gun
And shot the cuff link off piano player
“That's great” said the kid “Got any more tips?”
The shootist said “now go and coat your gun
Thoroughly in axle grease including the handle”
The kid went outside returning with it done
“Will this make me a better shot?” he asked
“No” said the old gunman “but Ringo
Will shove that gun right up your arse,
When he finishes playing the piano”
CAMILLA AND QUENTIN
Camilla Titt-Wank
Went to the hunt ball
And it was well known
She’d have anyone at all
She danced all night with
Quentin Tea-Bagg
But he went off at the end
With Oliver Rough-Shagg
MY DAD WASN’T A VERY GOOD PIRATE
My dad wasn’t a very good pirate
I would go so far as to say he stank
We couldn’t even afford a dog
So he made me walk the plank
MY SONS ADHD MEDICINE
My sons ADHD medicine
Is in liquid form
And comes in a bottle
As would be the norm
But beneath the label
Is written “Concentrate”
Well if he could
That would be great
I USED TO ENJOY DIPPING
I used to enjoy dipping,
A Ginger Nut in hot tea
But that’s now considered
Bullying apparently
HOW MANY YEARS BAD LUCK
How many years bad luck
Would upon you fall?
If you were clumsy enough
To break a mirror ball
“Do you know why I pulled you over?”
The cop asked me like a typical fuzz
“No officer I don’t, I hope you do,
I thinks it’s important that one of us does”
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 306
Rub a dub dub
Three men in a tub
I bet no one predicted that
When they met in the pub
THE GUNFIGHTER
A young cowboy was sat in the saloon
One Saturday night looking his best
When an old man walked into the bar
Who was once the fastest gun in the West
The cowboy sidled up to the old shootist
He bought him a two fingered whiskey tot
And without looking at him he asked
“Can you give me a tip to be a great shot?”
He said, “You're wearing your gun too high,
Tie the holster a little lower down your thigh”
The kid adjusted his rig then drew his gun
And shot off the piano player’s bow tie
Then he said, “now, where the hammer
Hits the leather, cut a notch in your holster”
The kid adjusted his rig then drew his gun
And shot the cuff link off piano player
“That's great” said the kid “Got any more tips?”
The shootist said “now go and coat your gun
Thoroughly in axle grease including the handle”
The kid went outside returning with it done
“Will this make me a better shot?” he asked
“No” said the old gunman “but Ringo
Will shove that gun right up your arse,
When he finishes playing the piano”
CAMILLA AND QUENTIN
Camilla Titt-Wank
Went to the hunt ball
And it was well known
She’d have anyone at all
She danced all night with
Quentin Tea-Bagg
But he went off at the end
With Oliver Rough-Shagg
MY DAD WASN’T A VERY GOOD PIRATE
My dad wasn’t a very good pirate
I would go so far as to say he stank
We couldn’t even afford a dog
So he made me walk the plank
MY SONS ADHD MEDICINE
My sons ADHD medicine
Is in liquid form
And comes in a bottle
As would be the norm
But beneath the label
Is written “Concentrate”
Well if he could
That would be great
I USED TO ENJOY DIPPING
I used to enjoy dipping,
A Ginger Nut in hot tea
But that’s now considered
Bullying apparently
HOW MANY YEARS BAD LUCK
How many years bad luck
Would upon you fall?
If you were clumsy enough
To break a mirror ball