Biggus
10-09-2013, 08:06 AM
TRAFFIC COP – I’M SORRY
When the police caught me speeding
My eyes were strained and blinking
I was pulled over by a putz
Who said “Your eyes look red,
Have you been drinking?”
So with no ifs or buts
“Your eyes look glazed”
I responded without thinking
“Have you been eating doughnuts?”
MY BOSS DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM
My Boss doesn’t go to the gym
But it’s not a case of him being slack
He gets all the exercise he needs
Just by stabbing people in the back
ELECTRONIC BANKING # 2
Electronic banking
Is the way it is done
Lightning fast transfers
At the touch of a button
Though not necessarily
The fastest way of course
Nothing transfers funds
Faster than divorce
ARE YOU WEARING AN APRON?
Are you wearing an apron?
It’s very pretty and frilly
It’s not very big though
Just enough to cover your Willy
MY MUM WENT TO THE SALON
My mum went to the salon
She was in there for hours
But she didn’t get a face pack
She was beyond their powers
MY WIFE GOT A MUDPACK
My wife got a mudpack
And she looked great
Until two days later
It fell off her face mate
I REMEMBER THE DAYS BEFORE I MARRIED
I remember the days before I married
And what I was able to do
And I remember with a wistful heart
I could do anything I wanted to
TAMARA AND PANDORA
Tamara Split-Whiskers
Loved Pandora ffanny-ffarte
Pandy still had her cherry
But Tammy had lost her heart
And though she tried hard
With miss ffanny-ffarte
She still couldn’t prize
Her skinny thighs apart
When the police caught me speeding
My eyes were strained and blinking
I was pulled over by a putz
Who said “Your eyes look red,
Have you been drinking?”
So with no ifs or buts
“Your eyes look glazed”
I responded without thinking
“Have you been eating doughnuts?”
MY BOSS DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM
My Boss doesn’t go to the gym
But it’s not a case of him being slack
He gets all the exercise he needs
Just by stabbing people in the back
ELECTRONIC BANKING # 2
Electronic banking
Is the way it is done
Lightning fast transfers
At the touch of a button
Though not necessarily
The fastest way of course
Nothing transfers funds
Faster than divorce
ARE YOU WEARING AN APRON?
Are you wearing an apron?
It’s very pretty and frilly
It’s not very big though
Just enough to cover your Willy
MY MUM WENT TO THE SALON
My mum went to the salon
She was in there for hours
But she didn’t get a face pack
She was beyond their powers
MY WIFE GOT A MUDPACK
My wife got a mudpack
And she looked great
Until two days later
It fell off her face mate
I REMEMBER THE DAYS BEFORE I MARRIED
I remember the days before I married
And what I was able to do
And I remember with a wistful heart
I could do anything I wanted to
TAMARA AND PANDORA
Tamara Split-Whiskers
Loved Pandora ffanny-ffarte
Pandy still had her cherry
But Tammy had lost her heart
And though she tried hard
With miss ffanny-ffarte
She still couldn’t prize
Her skinny thighs apart