avaron
10-04-2013, 06:29 PM
Eyes follow you down the corridor, the stares of jealousy and longing.
They wish you were you. So thin, so pale, so perfect.
And yet, it's never really enough? No matter how much I starve I still look... Wrong.
Sometimes though, sometimes, no one notices you. You move through the crowds, a walking corpse. Dead, but somehow still alive; invisible to all around you, ghost like.
It seems to always be the way, that when you are at your lowest you are the most invisible. Dead to yourself mentally and dead to the rest of the world. You walk hoping no one will speak to you but praying at the same time someone will ask 'Hey, you ok?' and to answer with the truth, 'No, I am not ok. I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate everyone around me for being ok and I just want to die and I want someone to hold me and tell me everything is ok and I'm fine and make me feel loved'. But no one does, and even if they do you are far more likely to croak out 'I'm fine' and try and lie, even to yourself.
This is why we find ourselves locked in a cycle of silence and pain. Because it hurts too much to accept that you hurt.
They wish you were you. So thin, so pale, so perfect.
And yet, it's never really enough? No matter how much I starve I still look... Wrong.
Sometimes though, sometimes, no one notices you. You move through the crowds, a walking corpse. Dead, but somehow still alive; invisible to all around you, ghost like.
It seems to always be the way, that when you are at your lowest you are the most invisible. Dead to yourself mentally and dead to the rest of the world. You walk hoping no one will speak to you but praying at the same time someone will ask 'Hey, you ok?' and to answer with the truth, 'No, I am not ok. I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate everyone around me for being ok and I just want to die and I want someone to hold me and tell me everything is ok and I'm fine and make me feel loved'. But no one does, and even if they do you are far more likely to croak out 'I'm fine' and try and lie, even to yourself.
This is why we find ourselves locked in a cycle of silence and pain. Because it hurts too much to accept that you hurt.