PDA

View Full Version : The Mother Of All Roads



Quantareau
09-20-2013, 06:48 PM
The mother of all roads
(U.S. route 66)

I’ve seen a lot of pilgrims pass along this honored road.
Some came with nothing more than hope, and some with too much load.
With laughter of the moment or the falling of their tears,
the rich and poor, the young and old, all running from their fears.

I’ve seen the prints their feet have made along the dusty way.
I’ve heard them curse and seen them slave and toil night and day.
Blind fate or chance will never yield to travelers in their flight,
they each must face the perils of their journey day and night.

A road of dreams and promises, an altar for the poor,
who laid upon its table all their dreams forever more.
Then prayed unto their deity in private for a sign
to justify each wistful dream, to prove it was divine.

And signs were given for the wise, in curious rhyme and rote.
But only heeded if they were the ones that Burma wrote.
Some dreams were cheap and sold to fools who would not face the truth.
Those many fools old and wise now wish in vain for youth.

A lot of traveler’s came and went as pilgrims in the night.
Some cloaked their dreams in secrets while some held them to the light.
Some came as nameless refugees to find their pot of gold,
they came and stayed, and stood in awe, and watched their dreams unfold.

Some dreams were found and built along the road so they would be,
an island for the homeless as they struggled to be free.
To stop amid the dust and heat along the winding road.
A respite to relieve them from the rigors of their load.

Those monuments of enterprise, now skeletons undone,
alone they stand at roadside making shadows in the sun.
Forgotten havens on the road, to somewhere else or bust,
decaying with their memories and blowing in dust.

The road, much like the crumbling dreams, is vanishing from sight.
Except for memories kept alive, would slip into the night.
Remembered by the travelers who, knew all the signs and codes,
now fading into twilight with the Mother Of All Roads.

Hawkman
09-21-2013, 04:03 AM
Again you display a very strong sense of rhythm, with very few minor bumps. There are a couple of places where you skip a beat or misplace one, eg: "Those many fools ^ old and wise now wish in vain for youth." a 'both' here would be in order.

I'm not sure about the rhyming couplets though. There is a mournfulness in the reflection which is perhaps a little at odds with the playful humour of couplets, especially with the bouncy rhythm. The gravitas of pentameter or hexameter verse in couplets, with heroic overtones might be ok, but as it stands, I feel that the form detracts a little from the function. It could almost have been written as a ballade with the very regular 14 syllable lines split in two to allow for 2nd and 4th line rhymes. Oh, and you might want to edit out the peculiar word at the end of the first line!

Not sure about "making shadows" as 'casting' might have been more appropriate. I had to Google Burma in the context of signs - Burma when contextualised with roads has somewhat heavier connotations for a Brit of my generation. ;) However, I have now been educated...

This is an enjoyable read and I'd say you did a good job of painting the picture, though I wonder if the length counts against it. Perhaps a slightly briefer, more impressionistic sketch might have been more evocative.

Live and be well - H

Quantareau
10-01-2013, 03:19 PM
Thanks. I thought that "peculiar word" had been deleted before posting. I'm glad you didn't have to slog through the orriginal version. I drove freight along interstate 40, (built over the old Rt. 66) and what few pieces of U.S. route 66 was left intact for many years. When I was young traveling with the family, spotting a Burma Shave sign sequence was a high light of the days journey. Thanks Hawkman. Oh, I'm so far into the Navajo Reservation, the smoke signals they call internet is iffy at best. Sorry for the delay.