The sailor

[hannah_arendt]

Hello:)

Up to know I have never tried to write anything in English. This text is my first attempt. I would like to know what do you thing about it:

The Sailor
Thousends of moments,
when the deepest breath of humankind
was about to drown,
every second of superficial tenderness
that appeared suddenly somewhere above,
reminded the forgotten sailor one of the pictures from his childhood fears.
Nobody had any recollection of him
coming back from the distant area of consciousness
nor
was he heard to approached our horizon.
Sullen and cold was that day.
Deep,
excruciating pain of not being understood
was pushing his body ahead
as if
he had been still to be forgiven from the damnation.
A single gust of north wind,
so strong that pulled the walls,
blew.
The southern sun
scorching,
tried to stop his impatient eyes
from focusing on the world twisting around.
He was still in the middle of the road
approaching very slowly
to the distant horizon.


Have a nice day:)

[Nick Capozzoli]

Hello:)


The Sailor
Thousends of moments,
when the deepest breath of humankind
was about to drown,
every second of superficial tenderness
that appeared suddenly somewhere above,

as if
he had been still to be forgiven from the damnation.


I excerpted a few lines that seemed a bit overwrought.

[Lokasenna]

For a first attempt in English, it's superb!

As Nick says, a couple of the lines are a little overwrought - but you'll get over that with practice. I do also wonder whether the subject is a little abstract - it's quite hard to follow in places, an effect which is exacerbated by the sometimes slightly random line breaks.

Still, there is a lot here that is excellent!

[hannah_arendt]

Thanks a lot :)

I think that I speak/ use English quite correct but writing is something different. It`s a new experience for me. I`ll try to correct and thing about it this text more :)